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about going to family functions??? I just got into a mini-argument with him because we got invited to my cousins baby's bris on Saturday and FH had a dentists appointment that he already rescheduled. My issue is that he reschedules once before cause he was too tired. Now all of a sudden its SO important to go to his dentist appointment. My family has only seen him a handful of time and weve been together 6 years!!! I never give him a hard time to go to any of his family events. There arent many, but I go to every one. Whenever I tell him theres a family party to go to, we always get into an argument cause he tries to find a way not to go. Its just annoying. Anyone else's FH do this?
Posted by Future Mulligan
we are the opposite.....i give FH a hard time about going to his family events!
I can't stand FMIL so anytime we have to go over there I cause a big stink.
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
for us its the opposite, his family has alot of family functions and i go to all of them so when its my family i dont want to hear it from him lol...but just explain to him in a sincere way how much this means to you and you would like for him to get to know your family better
I TRY the sincere route! He always has an excuse!!!! ALWAYS!! There's just no winning with him. Now were arguing and its my only day off for us to spend time together and it started out rough. It shouldnt have even come to this. Thats what annoys me, and to him, I STARTED IT.
tell him no sex if he doesnt go![]()
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
for us its the opposite, his family has alot of family functions and i go to all of them so when its my family i dont want to hear it from him lol...but just explain to him in a sincere way how much this means to you and you would like for him to get to know your family better
I TRY the sincere route! He always has an excuse!!!! ALWAYS!! There's just no winning with him. Now were arguing and its my only day off for us to spend time together and it started out rough. It shouldnt have even come to this. Thats what annoys me, and to him, I STARTED IT.
tell him no sex if he doesnt go![]()
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Mizzdimple
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Mizzdimple
Posted by jnkcrunk
not Fh. I had an ex that wouldnt go with me to family events and i HATED it.
me too! I had an X that was the same way.
FH loves going to family functions-
Im about to make him my ex!![]()
But I should make one important point, FH lost his parents at an early age. From a psychological standpoint, I think it hurts him to be around family events because he didnt get to have a normal family like most people. So sometimes I feel like I should give him the benefit of the doubt. But he cant make an excuse EVERY time!
That can defintley play a part, although from a pscyhological standpoint, I would think he would embrace it b/c he never had that in his life.
Talk to him about it.....
When I cancel a doctor's apointment once., I hate to do it again .....I feel bad maybe thats it lol.....
I feel like it could go either way. You either embrace my family or push it away cause its too painful. My mom and step-father adore him and its even hard to get him to go to their house for Sunday dinner. And trust me, he doesnt feel bad canceling ANYTHING!!!
Posted by Future Mulligan
Yeah but you are right its no excuse. We shouldnt feel sorry for ourselves - and we should suck it up and attend. For the most part we attend everything together BUT I usually complain about it or want to get there late and leave early - why am I so bad!![]()
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
for us its the opposite, his family has alot of family functions and i go to all of them so when its my family i dont want to hear it from him lol...but just explain to him in a sincere way how much this means to you and you would like for him to get to know your family better
I TRY the sincere route! He always has an excuse!!!! ALWAYS!! There's just no winning with him. Now were arguing and its my only day off for us to spend time together and it started out rough. It shouldnt have even come to this. Thats what annoys me, and to him, I STARTED IT.
tell him no sex if he doesnt go![]()
![]()
![]()
Thats what my mom says to say!!!
Posted by ant n tilde
ugh FH doesnt want to go to anything- he uses work as an excuse all the time! and hte annoying thing is that i go to HIS family functions WITHOUT him when he is working but he complains about coming to mine WITH me![]()
he better get it it out of his system bc when we have kids everyone is going to want to see them and we are going to have to be more social, work or no work!
Posted by Mizzdimple
AWWWWWWWWW., hes anti-social. Speak to him and demand he becomes more social....thats what I did to FH., he never spoke lol
Posted by missliss
Posted by ant n tilde
ugh FH doesnt want to go to anything- he uses work as an excuse all the time! and hte annoying thing is that i go to HIS family functions WITHOUT him when he is working but he complains about coming to mine WITH me![]()
he better get it it out of his system bc when we have kids everyone is going to want to see them and we are going to have to be more social, work or no work!
Mine is the same, he's just not very social period. He's fun don't get me wrong. And it's not because he doesn't like my family per se, he's just gets uncomfortable and anxious very quickly. He'll go, but if an opportunity for an 'out' arises, he'll jump at it. Funny thing is, his family has WAY more functions than mine and I don't mind them at all, then again I enjoy socializing. I just try to pick and choose the functions of my family that are worth pushing him to go to. If it's not vital that he make an appearance I don't force him.
maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.
Posted by Espo22
maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by missliss
Posted by ant n tilde
ugh FH doesnt want to go to anything- he uses work as an excuse all the time! and hte annoying thing is that i go to HIS family functions WITHOUT him when he is working but he complains about coming to mine WITH me![]()
he better get it it out of his system bc when we have kids everyone is going to want to see them and we are going to have to be more social, work or no work!
Mine is the same, he's just not very social period. He's fun don't get me wrong. And it's not because he doesn't like my family per se, he's just gets uncomfortable and anxious very quickly. He'll go, but if an opportunity for an 'out' arises, he'll jump at it. Funny thing is, his family has WAY more functions than mine and I don't mind them at all, then again I enjoy socializing. I just try to pick and choose the functions of my family that are worth pushing him to go to. If it's not vital that he make an appearance I don't force him.
Thats how he is. Youre right about the picking and choosing, Im just gonna have to pick one function a year in his case.
Go by urself lol....
Posted by missliss
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by missliss
Posted by ant n tilde
ugh FH doesnt want to go to anything- he uses work as an excuse all the time! and hte annoying thing is that i go to HIS family functions WITHOUT him when he is working but he complains about coming to mine WITH me![]()
he better get it it out of his system bc when we have kids everyone is going to want to see them and we are going to have to be more social, work or no work!
Mine is the same, he's just not very social period. He's fun don't get me wrong. And it's not because he doesn't like my family per se, he's just gets uncomfortable and anxious very quickly. He'll go, but if an opportunity for an 'out' arises, he'll jump at it. Funny thing is, his family has WAY more functions than mine and I don't mind them at all, then again I enjoy socializing. I just try to pick and choose the functions of my family that are worth pushing him to go to. If it's not vital that he make an appearance I don't force him.
Thats how he is. Youre right about the picking and choosing, Im just gonna have to pick one function a year in his case.
Yeah, it used to upset me, but then I realized that he doesn't really have to go to EVERY single thing, he really doesn't. So he'll go the major ones (he'll whine but he'll go), but over the years, I've just realized this is one of those 'pick your battles' situations and it's not worth it to me to make him go to (for example) my great-aunt's house just because everyone is going. He'll really hate it and as much as he tries i don't want him to be anxious and uncomfortable. I'd rather him have a good time at the events he knows he has no choice but to go to, not make him throw at me that I make him go everywhere. So far it works out well and we're both happy.
Posted by Mizzdimple
Go by urself lol....
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.
Its just gonna turn into an argument. He's not easy to talk to sincerely cause for some reason, he thinks I always have an attitude when IM just trying to talk![]()
Maybe its my tone of voice...Now were arguing cause I told him, 'Seriously, dont worry about it, Im going with my mom' And he's like 'No Im going'Were a hot mess today.
Posted by missliss
Posted by Songstress1212
Posted by Espo22
maybe ask him how come he doesn't like going and this way you two can talk about it and maybe solve the problem.
Its just gonna turn into an argument. He's not easy to talk to sincerely cause for some reason, he thinks I always have an attitude when IM just trying to talk![]()
Maybe its my tone of voice...Now were arguing cause I told him, 'Seriously, dont worry about it, Im going with my mom' And he's like 'No Im going'Were a hot mess today.
Sounds like he's defensive. My FH used to be very defensive about lots of things. And whenever we'd argue he'd immediately get defensive and the 'tone' of the argument would get more heated even though I wasn't even upset about anything. But I realized that my approach, he felt like he was being backed against a wall so to speak. So when I can see that going through his mind now I remind him that I'm always on his side, that we're a team and I'm not fighting him or against him, I'm just trying to figure out a solution. As silly as it sounds since I know he already knows, being reminded that I'm on his side and not against him usually seems to help.
my ex-husband was the same way -- FH was a little like that in the beginning - but it turned out he was just nervous. He wanted everyone to like him and i guess it was alot of pressure. Now its no biggie - he even went to church with my whole family without me when i was on vacation.
