FH is an only child, and he has never been in a situation where he hasn't been able to get what he wants.
He made a comment to me that if he can get a GPS that comes with different voices on it, he is goign to buy it. I mean, he doesn't even think twice about anything.
Here I am almost having to work 2 jobs, and he just buys whatever he wants b/c he makes more than I do.
Is that fair? How would you handle the situation?
I have even brought this up once while at dinner, I said 'Are we going to join our accounts?' and he said (jokingly) ' no, b/c I make more than you'. I mean, I am sure there is some truth to that, but it's not like I am going to go on $500 shopping sprees every week or something lol I would just like to know that it's OUR money.
I told him since he makes more money, he can pay all the bills then :-P
Dr Meg
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
FH makes significantly more then me because I am currently a grad student (I graduate in a few months and will likely be making more then him then). When we moved in together we decided to split the bills based on what percentage of our total income we each made. Since he makes more then me he pays a larger part of the bills. As for saving for the wedding, he has spent a while paying off my e-ring, so it has just been me saving a few hundred dollars each pay period. But I know once he starts to help he will be putting a lot more then that into savings.
beram63
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
i actually make more right now (but not for long). as a different perspective, i pay a larger portion of our household bills. it's common for couples to do that. your FH should understand that your relationship and anticipated marriage is a financial partnership and the discrepancy in your salaries should be taken into account when splitting the bills.
Mmnnng
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
Does he flaunt that he makes more than you? I wouldn't be able to deal if I was struggling and FH was buying everything under the sun he wanted. Does he still expect you to work 2 jobs after you're married??
I just don't think it sounds fair or like a team effort in anyway. Me and FH live together, I have twins and he has a 7 year old. I never feel like I have to think that my expenses are mine alone. He does just as much as me, if not more for the kids and the household. He would never make a big purchase without talking to me or making sure my a#s was covered as far as money/bills/ect go.
I'm going to be out of work for a few months soon and he already is prepared to take over my bills. You need to get a straight answer from him and know whether or not you are financially on your own forever. I have family who have never jointly done anything financially, whats theirs is theirs and thats that. I think its fine, if you know thats what you're in for and you both agree. But I would never have it!
I just realized this might sound like I'm a gold digger or something. Don't want it to come off that way. I've owned my own home long before FH was in the pic and I work my butt off now. I just think that marriage is a partnership and I expect to feel that if I fall on my butt one day, he'll pick me up.
KYBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
I’m on the opposite situation. I make more than my FH and do get upset at times because I have to pay more bills than him. But is “our” money, so I just brush it off. However, I do buy myself whatever I want and can afford; as long as our bills are paid. It does bother him when I can afford to take him to expensive places for his birthday and stuff and he can’t afford to do the same for me. But that’s my choice. you need to talk to him about the “money issue” because this topic always bring arguments into the marriage JMO
debzy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
Here's one solution that might work...
Decide that each of you is going to put x% or $x into a joint account each month. From this joint account you should pay for shared expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, etc). Then you can continue to also have your own money to spend however you feel is best.
No matter what, though, I'd definitley say you need to havet his talk before you get married. Finances seems to be a huge issue for all couples.
SFAR89
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
mmnng- you don't sound like a gold digger, it makes sense to me.
kybride- I mean, I have no problem putting in and splitting the bills when we finally get our own place, but if I am left with $100 and I need money for gas, or I want to buy a cd , I don't want it to become an argument.
You are right, I need to talk with him more about it. I just think he has some 'sharing' issues lol due to his only-child nature.
I just think it would be nice to know that if I needed extra money, I wouldn't have to beg him for it. I can just take it out of our account.
MnM182008
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
My FH makes way more than I do. He pays for for a lot of our bills, puts much more money away for the wedding than I do. Everything is ours, our money, our debt. I don't think I could marry someone who didn't feel that financially we were joined as one as well.
I think its unfair to think that after your married, you should still work two jobs if as a couple you make enough money to support the two of you. You FH shouldn't flaunt that he makes more money than you, it shouldn't be a competition, and he should never make you feel bad because you are working hard.
Shelleybean11
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
Posted by MnM182008
My FH makes way more than I do. He pays for for a lot of our bills, puts much more money away for the wedding than I do. Everything is ours, our money, our debt. I don't think I could marry someone who didn't feel that financially we were joined as one as well.
I think its unfair to think that after your married, you should still work two jobs if as a couple you make enough money to support the two of you. You FH shouldn't flaunt that he makes more money than you, it shouldn't be a competition, and he should never make you feel bad because you are working hard.
Me too. FH makes way more than I do, pays most of the bills and never makes me feel guilty about it. We are a team and if it was reversed I would do the same for him. BTW, My FH is an only child, he learned to share I'm sure yours can too!
KYBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
Posted by Future_Farrell
mmnng- you don't sound like a gold digger, it makes sense to me.
kybride- I mean, I have no problem putting in and splitting the bills when we finally get our own place, but if I am left with $100 and I need money for gas, or I want to buy a cd , I don't want it to become an argument.
You are right, I need to talk with him more about it. I just think he has some 'sharing' issues lol due to his only-child nature.
I just think it would be nice to know that if I needed extra money, I wouldn't have to beg him for it. I can just take it out of our account.
I didn’t mean that you’ll have a problem splitting the bills. What I meant is that I pay more than he does and it did bother me, but I learned to look at it as our money. Because he makes less than me, I put more towards the bills than he does. We don’t split it 50/50 and I’m okay with that. We are a team! We are there for each other. Talk to your FH about it and let him know how you feel. I’m sure he will understand.
MrsCastanedain09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
I make more than FH, he often brings up that he wants to take another job to match me....I always say that it's our money.
All money will go into our joint account. We will transfer x percentage of the combined total to savings/investments/special vacation (or whatever special treat we're saving for) pay bills and as far as the balance- whatever makes him and I happy.
I would expect the same in return if he made more.
MrsList09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
I've made more than FH for our entire relationship and I'll be making A LOT more than him if he gets a new job after our honeymoon. When we moved in together, we split all household expenses down the middle but now that we're getting married, I suggested that we join our finances into one account and just consider it OUR money. We'll each get our spending money for the month for personal things like clothes and going out to lunch and stuff.
I was getting SO tired of having to figure out who owes what and remembering what I bought at walmart for $35.72 to decide whether it should be a household expense or my own expense.
MrsL2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
he makes more than i do. He doesn't have a school loan or car loan and I have both, so he puts more money away for the wedding. The nice thing if I need some extra $ for gas or something, he has no problem giving it to me. Once he gets his masters, he will make A LOT more than me. But right now, we try to split everything as evenly as possible.
Almostawife
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
I spoke with FH about putting our money into a joint account and then take out a certain percent of each check that is separate and we can do whatever we want with it. The bulk of the money will go toward the mortgage and bills and all necessities, like gas, haircuts (his costs $50 and mine $150 :) but it's a necessity.
But no questions asked when he wants to go on a gambling trip or fishing trip and I want to buy an expensive pocketbook.
I think by taking out a percent. who ever makes more still has more spending money but only based on his/her income, but all bills and everything else will be joint.
KYBride09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
Posted by StacyJill2009
I spoke with FH about putting our money into a joint account and then take out a certain percent of each check that is separate and we can do whatever we want with it. The bulk of the money will go toward the mortgage and bills and all necessities, like gas, haircuts (his costs $50 and mine $150 :) but it's a necessity.
But no questions asked when he wants to go on a gambling trip or fishing trip and I want to buy an expensive pocketbook.
I think by taking out a percent. who ever makes more still has more spending money but only based on his/her income, but all bills and everything else will be joint.
I agree.
CMBove
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
My FH makes more money than me, not a lot more. I have a lot of school debt so we take that into consideration for monthly bills. It evens out. As far as when we get married, he has made it clear that it our money and our debt which i agree with. We will likely keep separate what we have before marriage but once we are married it all ours. Both of us are savers so its works out well.
I know its not a easy conversation, but you guys need to talk. Marriage is a partnership.
sophisticat13
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
Yes. DH makes more than I do...since I moved into his/our house, he has been paying all the bills and we have a joint account for food, the kitchen remodeling we are doing, and all 'couple' expenses. We are still working out our financial stuff...he has credit card debt and I don't, etc. and we definitely have had a couple of disagreements about finances...regardless of who makes more, I definitely agree that marriage is a partnership and that both of you need to be on the same page as far as what plan you will have when you marry. Marriage is definitely a partnership of finances too...the hardest one IMHO
CloudNine
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
i was making slightly more than him an hour but he always made more because of OT. but i think i manage my money a little better plus he has some added expenses because he has kids.
i dont think it will get to the point where we wont join our money because one makes more than the other but i just worry about the management of it if we join them
JSG10506
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
FH just got a payraise etc. so currently he makes more than I do, and soon I will be making more than him... we go back and forth. Regardless though, neither FH nor I flaunt that we make more when we do. We both pay the bills, and are very careful about spending even when we don't necessarily have to be; neither of us will just go on a spending spree. Funny enough we don't HAVE to or anything, but we run the idea past each other if we want something that's a significant amount of money and not a necessity. A great example is he wanted to buy a new xbox game that came out a few days ago that's like $70; he didn't just go and buy it, instead he hinted at me that he wanted it and waited 'til I said 2 seconds later, 'if you want it, let's go get it... you don't have to like ask me permission.' We don't have to do this, we just choose to ask each other out of respect since our money mutually goes out to our bills and wedding expenses.
RockysGirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Does FH make more than you?
We're definitely going to be sharing one account. Once you're married, i just feel like 'What's Mine is Yours'. He definitely makes more money than me, but we kinda figured out that he would take care of all the bills, and i'll take care of the other things, like groceries or anything else that comes up. He actually told me that i don't really even have to work if I don't want to, or just go for a part time job. I think as the Man of the House, he kinda feel like it's his responsibility to take care of me. I'm gonna work though, cause I have a feeling we'd REALLY struggled without that extra paycheck.
