I know the thought of it is nice, but I just went to a wedding recently, and the guests were really upset about that taking home a back of chocolate with a note saying In lieu of ...bc of a donation
groovypeg
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
we went to my fh's cousins wedding and they did not give out favors or a donation.
etd to add it was a jewish wedding, i read somewhere that it is not customary to give out favors at a jewsih wedding.
SomedayBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
I think a donation is fine, however, some people (not necessarily you, or anyone on this board) use the donation as an easy way out, donating like $50 to some charity for their 250 guests. I think if the charity has some special meaning to you, and you still give some sort of little token, even candy, it's a nice gesture.
jannshari
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
Posted by Bebalina
I know the thought of it is nice, but I just went to a wedding recently, and the guests were really upset about that taking home a back of chocolate with a note saying In lieu of ...bc of a donation
That's sad that they were really upset!
We are planning on doing a donation. Period. It is not customary to give favors at Jewish weddings, and FH's mother is even upset that we're making donations 'in lieu of' favors. We explained to her that while favors may not be customary, it will make us feel better about spending this money on *us* and our guests spending money on *us* if they know that we are doing something good for others in return.
Bebalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
Posted by jannshari
Posted by Bebalina
I know the thought of it is nice, but I just went to a wedding recently, and the guests were really upset about that taking home a back of chocolate with a note saying In lieu of ...bc of a donation
That's sad that they were really upset!
We are planning on doing a donation. Period. It is not customary to give favors at Jewish weddings, and FH's mother is even upset that we're making donations 'in lieu of' favors. We explained to her that while favors may not be customary, it will make us feel better about spending this money on *us* and our guests spending money on *us* if they know that we are doing something good for others in return.
I agree, but to be honest, I think the reason they were more upset, is the fact that the music was bad, the food was bad that evening and to not even get a favor at the end....just made many ppl feel worsel
itsbouttime
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
we are doing donations. definitely not a cheap way out for us thats for sure. we have picked three charities that are close to us and are giving between $200-$250 to each of them.
missmmpr
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
We are donating the amount we would spend on regular favors...We are also giving the guests seeds to plant in memory of my FH father who passed away from kidney cancer...
julz33
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
We are donating $1 per guest...and also giving out little bags or boxes of candy with a note attached stating that we are also giving a donation.
neen
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
I have to admit that I also recently went to a wedding and the favor was a donation. The guests at my table made comments like 'I come to a wedding and there is no favor' and 'I travel this far and no favor.' I myself was a little upset that there was no favor. This is just my opinion though....
Sweetie2004
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
lullabella I love your favor! can you tell me where you got it from?
FM
wenndypoo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
We explained to her that while favors may not be customary, it will make us feel better about spending this money on *us* and our guests spending money on *us* if they know that we are doing something good for others in return
Jannshari that's so nice!
Originally we were going to do a donation in lieu of favors, but couldn't find a charity that my mom thought was 'acceptable' , and it got to be too much of a hassle. So we ended up doing truffles instead.
Alot of girls seem to do donation and a little something like candy or almonds. I think it's more than acceptable, and a nice, generous gesture. As a guest, I would be happy to see the money go to something useful rather than a trinket or candy, but that's me. I think if you have an older, more traditional crowd they may expect a favor of sorts.
StepherG
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
I am NOT trying to offend anyone, but I'm not sure how the donation really ties into the wedding. Shouldn't you just give that on your own? Does it have to be done 'in lieu of' a favor? I give to charities all the time, but I don't plan on telling my guests at the wedding that I did it in their honor instead of a favor. I find the whole thing weird. JMO
jennyhet
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
We are giving a very generous donation to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation which actually cost us more than what favors would cost. JMO--But I do not feel like wasting $$ on a favor that the guests will probably never use. I know I always throw out wedding favors--I think that it is wrong to think 'I came all this way to this wedding, and there was no favor, etc.etc.' and to be upset that there is no favor. You should never expect to be given something at a wedding--you are coming to celebrate a couple's happiness--not to receive a gift. Anyone who gets upset by no favor/a donation in lieu needs to think twice--your dinner and entertainmnet are paid for--Enjoy it!
BTW--the whole favor this is weird to me period. I have never even heard of this until I moved to LI.
violet
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
I've never gone to a wedding and been so excited about getting the favor. I think more of how it's nice how the couple getting married paid for everyone to eat so much food and drink all they want. I wouldn't get mad if I didn't get a favor.
jannshari
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
Posted by StepherG
I am NOT trying to offend anyone, but I'm not sure how the donation really ties into the wedding. Shouldn't you just give that on your own? Does it have to be done 'in lieu of' a favor? I give to charities all the time, but I don't plan on telling my guests at the wedding that I did it in their honor instead of a favor. I find the whole thing weird. JMO
In my case, it's because no matter what the favor is, there will be people who will hate it, throw it away, sneer at it, not think it's good enough, whatever. So, on the chance that 50% of the people will, at least, be indifferent towards it, I would rather spend the money on a good cause. I would also tell people about it so that they know a little bit about what matters to FH and I as a couple, since that is what the day really is about - us - and to let them know that we didn't simply just cheap out and not give anything as a token of appreciation to them. Even though we don't care about whether they think we were cheap about it, it will certainly alleviate some of the inevitable blather about how we didn't even bother to spend a measly dollar on them for a favor (and we intend to give much more than just a dollar a person).
Again, it also has religious connotations. Jews do not give favors (even though it is becoming more common), and we would like to do something charitable in our guests names to show that we were also thinking of them when we made a donation out of appreciation for what they have done for us.
groovypeg
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
Jannshari, thanks for your post!
jlfp
Posted:
Member since
Re: Donation vs. favors
I am also giving a donation! we are however making the seating card a favor . . . it is a plantable heart ( seeds are embedded in paper and when planted it will grow forget- me- nots) and putting the guest names and tables on each of the hearts. In the program/ or on the back of the heart we are gong to write that ' we made a donation in your name to ________ (have a few to decide from). PLease plant this card in remeberence of this speical day, loved oned that aare not here w/ us, and _____(the charity).' Something along those lines.
We are also using a bunch of votive candles on the table, so the guest can take those if the want as well.
I tried to make sure I had something for the guest to take yet didn't send any money on favors (so I can give it all to the charity).
