dont get it....

so - i bought an apt w/ FH back in may. my parents are very old school and dont believe in living together before marriage - but i had every intention of moving out though. total defiance on my part!

well now - i cant seem to disapoint them. i go home pretty much every night - but @ ridiculous times. i fell asleep @ the apt and woke up @ 1 am this morning - to drive home to my parents house get all wond up and not fall asleep until 4 am!!! now i am hauling azz today!!

fh flipps out because he is like - your killing yourself - this is adding so much stress to your life - blah blah blah.

my parents still expect me to come home for dinner every night to eat with them!! so i buy all food for the apt - cook it and than dont eat it - i eat home. than that leaves FH alone - and he is like 'its not supposed 2b this way - why are you not staying to eat with me' - which he is right! why am i going home?? i am not a baby - but its like - oh my parents will get pissed and i dont feel like dealing w/ it...

than - when i do stay all night by the apt - i feel like i am in a mad rush to get to my parents. and than i get the 21 questions - why didnt you come home last night? why didnt you just leave when you felt tired? blah blah blah..

what do i do? how do i approach this?? i want to go and live w/ fh in our beautiful new apt but i also dont want to piss my parents off??

uughhhh

This probably isn't what you want to hear, but I think that you'll have to piss your parents off in order to make yourself happy. You can't live like that - it's so unfair to you. If you're enough of an adult to buy and maintain an apartment and get married - well, then your parents have to accept that.

They will get over it eventually; your wedding is just months away. They will see that this is the best thing for you and your FH.

My parents are very old school, too; I remember how tough it is. Good luck

i know you guys are all right - but what should i do? sit and talk with them? or just move all my stuff out and stop coming home?

i dont know how to distance myself. i come from a ginzaloon family where i live not only w/ my parents and siblings but my aunts and my cousins are my best friends - its like you cant do anything w/o your family all around you.

i am not sure what the best route to take is - i suggested talking - but i dont know if that will work. there is no talking in my family - it is kinda like 'shut up and listen to your father'.....

i need some balls - that is what i really need...

You can sit down at dinner one night and say, 'I'm packed, I'm moving out - I love you but I can't keep going back and forth between two homes.'
What would be worse? Their reaction to you just moving out and not saying anything or to the 'I'm moving out' talk?

When I moved out before the wedding, my parents saw how exhausted I was going between them and Dan, so I didn't have to deal with their wrath. Though when I chose to go to college 5 hours away and they yelled at me for my choice (), I just yelled back, 'I'm leaving and that's it. You can either ignore me and be angry or you can be happy for me and have a relationship with me.' Guess what they chose?

Once you're out, schedule time with them - there's nothing wrong with going there for dinner one or two nights each week. Show them that they aren't going to 'lose' their daughter while maintaining distance.

My famiy sounds a whole lot like your family!

I feel your pain, my parents made me feel very bad about leaving them, and we are a close Italian family too.

I gradually started staying at DH's house and then one day Isaid, well, next week I am going to move in, because it's just too much back and forth.

My mom would still ask me where I was eating, sleeping etc. even though all my stuff was at DH's.

They still want to hold onto you, so you have to feel a little bad for them too. Just tell them that this is what you are doing, no conversation necessary....