don't know what to do UPDATE AGAIN

Long story short, FH and I have been at each other's throats for a few weeks now and it all started because I didn't invite his mom to write #'s on the invites and put the stamps on when she paid for the invites. Well last night he came home and said that he had been talking to his dad and BM about how he was feeling and said that he didn't think we should get married. I was taking back a little but was more angry because he could have told me this before I sent out the invites on Saturday, that he was feeling this way. Anyway I knew that his whole family would know this morning since I watch his nieces and he said that his dad wouldn't tell anyone sure enough his sister was acting weird this morning and then I get a call from his mother to bring the kids over and so we can talk. I don't know what to do of course she is going to back her son on this and what can I really say, so far on the phone I can already tell that I am going to be the reason why FH is not feeling good and is so stressed because of the things I say, so why even bother having an opinion when it will not be acceptable? I asked FH what I could have possibly said that he told his mother and he doesn't remember. Sorry for the long vent I just feel like I am walking into the lion's den and the outcome is going to be to cancel the wedding.

Oh and FH and family are always right according to him so I really don't want to arguing about anything when in the end I will be wrong and it will all be my fault

Thanks to whoever read this whole thing



Thanks to all of you some thoughts made me cry and some made me laugh which I really needed. I went to FMIL's house because I knew if I didn't this fight would have gotten bigger, but it really did nothing, because this is between me and FH so I had nothing to say to her. She kept saying how sick she was about this how she can't sleep and has no tears left to cry, well what about ME it's mine and FH's wedding you don't think we are upset more then you??? All she said is this is between you and my son which I knew and that if we do make this work she is going to be nervous for us??? FH is coming home soon and we are going to talk but does it really matter he got his family involved when he should have came to me so I feel like it is the 5 of them against me, and whoever said FH is being a baby you are so right!! This is why I never go running to my mom because she would hold it against him, it's the one thing I thought he listened to at Pre-Cana never tell your parents about your fight because when you do make up they still hold it against the other person. So update is nothing was accomplished yet, oh and did I mention that I have a job interview tonight too


I just want to thank all of you girls your advise and kind words really helped me get through this rough patch. FH and I actually talked and listened to each other and everything is resolved, we do have a lot to work on but together we will make it. I stressed the point that he has to grow up and talk to me when he is upset about things instead of running to his family because now this fight will always be looked at by them as their son was unsure if he wanted to get married. Once again girls you really are the best thank you sooo much for everything.

i don't really know what to say but i just wanted to give you some

i am so sorry..i don't know what to say. but be strong!

I can't offer much more than some

I do think that you should be talking with your FH about this and not going into a big family meeting; and surely this is not all the direct result as something so simple as numbering cards and stamping envelopes.

You really need to speak with your FH. Without the family present.

i had minor set back a few weeks ago where I thought my wedding was going to get canceled too.

when you realize number 1, i mean, if you 2 love each other, you should be able to over come this, and maybe you (trying to be completely biased as possible) could work on being more calm and more open to things....and he needs to understand, it's just a bridal thing, really, i mean i'm seeing a side of myself sometimes and i feel almost like a 12 year old the way i talk when something gets me angry.

also, consider the money put out. i mean if he's going to be that way, that's really awful.

im so sorry you're going through this. be strong.

You. Must. Keep. your. Cool.

If you have to have a long chat with them and still want to have an opinion, you have to act like what they're saying isn't the end of the world. Let them speak, but then you can come back with your opinions, but don't scream and yell about it. Act Cool. If they see you being calm and relaxed, they might change their opinion.

Btw, If I'm reading right (and sometimes I don't), it sounds like FH is being kind of a baby. Why should calling off the wedding be a 'family' decision? Namely his?

Stand your ground, but don't freak out. Show FH that you're strong!

Good Luck!!!!!!! I hope everything works out!

omg Nicole I am so sorry... i can totally see why you feel like youre in the lions den...

i think you need to talk to FH about this more

ETA: Shaun and I faught constantly the weeks leading up to the wedding...

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

I can't offer much more than some

I do think that you should be talking with your FH about this and not going into a big family meeting; and surely this is not all the direct result as something so simple as numbering cards and stamping envelopes.

You really need to speak with your FH. Without the family present.

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i totally agree with every word here!

good luck

If he wants to cancel the wedding because of something small.. then maybe you should rethink your relationship altogether. What happens when BIG issues arrise in your life after the wedding?

You need sit him down and talk to him about this.. because 'calling the wedding off' isn't something you throw around easily.

I think that as the day gets closer we ALL get a little crazier. Sorry to hear this is happening. I hope it all works out.

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

I can't offer much more than some

I do think that you should be talking with your FH about this and not going into a big family meeting; and surely this is not all the direct result as something so simple as numbering cards and stamping envelopes.

You really need to speak with your FH. Without the family present.

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i totally agree with every word here!

good luck

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Me too!! But I'm sooooo sorry you are going through this

P. S. Good luck and I hope it all works out in the end.

Maybe he's just going thru 'PMS' (some girls on here informed me of this term when FH and I were at each others throats for no reason).

Stay strong

maybe its just pre-wedding nerves and stress?

I would totally sit down with FH and talk to him alone and discuss everything together....

I hope everything works out for you!

be strong!!!

very strange.... i dont understand how not inviting his mom to put stamps on an invite equates a disengagement.......... and that he doesnt want to get married.

FH feels very similar, to the extent that if his mom is paying for something she should be involved. however, this came after one of the appointments. FMIL is paying for our flowers and we had an appointment to do our centerpieces, and i didnt think anything of inviting his mom, he knew about the appointment, was attending the appointment, and should have invited her if he wanted her there. So we invited her to the BoK appt. But she is also paying half for the RD, and we booked that without her. my mom was in contact with her about it, because they are splitting it.
but it seems very silly to not want to get married to someone because of that reason. its either something deeper, or he is being silly.

What did FH say when you said you wished he talked to you before invites went out?

This should be between you and FH, not between you and FH fam. I'd go over to FMIL's house with the kids and try not to get into a conversation with her about your relationship with her son. Say something like, 'the best thing for me and your son right now is to talk to one another about this.'

You should not go over there. You should tell her that this matter is between you and FH and that now is a time that you two need to discuss things between the two of you. They have no business making this stressful situation worse by potentially ganging up on you. I can see how maybe she is trying to straighten things out with you about the invite thing but I wouldn't want the FIL's to have that much control over the status of my marriage. You should sit down and have a serious private talk with FH before you discuss this with anyone else, and he should be talking to you about this instead of others.

So sorry you're going through this.

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Posted by kris_gets_hitched

I can't offer much more than some

I do think that you should be talking with your FH about this and not going into a big family meeting; and surely this is not all the direct result as something so simple as numbering cards and stamping envelopes.

You really need to speak with your FH. Without the family present.

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ITA!!

Oh my gosh I am so sorry...I hope it all works out It's pre-wedding jitters and everyone gets them.

This is obviously not just about invitations. This is about you and him and no one else. I think you need to sit down just the two of you and discuss what is going on.