Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

nrvbrd Posted: Aug 06, 2003 09:54 AM

Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

DO NOT GO INTO MAJOR DEBT OVER YOUR WEDDING!!!!!!!

Why am I saying this? Well I still have to do some calling for missing responses (1 month before the wedding- TODAY) Well there is one couple whom we are friendly with. We were surprised to not get a response from them. Well we called them and the husband told FH that he had to regrettfully decline our invite. The reason is- he and his wife simply cannot afford to attend. He admitted to my FH that his wife is not working, so the financial burden is on him and after 3/12 years of marriage he is still paying back his wedding. He took out a huge cash advance on his credit card to pay off the balance of the wedding. So now they are somewhat struggling financially.

Hearing this conversation put things into greater perspective for me. This is ONE DAY, albeit an important one, but after all is said and done I do not want to be struggling unnecessarily. My hall may not be the fanciest, and I am NOT spending tons of dollars- but at the end of the day- I WILL BE MARRIED.

Ok, off my soapbox.

Misty Posted: Aug 06, 2003 09:58 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

That's one soapbox worth being on! You are sooooo right!!

ChristineC68 Posted: Aug 06, 2003 09:59 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

And you, you FH and your guests will have a wonderful time!!

That's a very enlightening phone conversation!!

denakimou Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:13 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

That's an important point to make! One day should not overshadow the happiness of an entire lifetime.

WithThisRing Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:17 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

I agree a wedding should be a joyous occassion not something where you will be in debt even 3 years later.

FI and I are paying everything in cash because we dont want to be in debt over this.

jennbaby Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:17 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

Kiesha alot of LIW women (NOT! all but alot) either have their parents pay all or part of their wedding

But I agree 100%!!!

matt'sprincess Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:19 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

Thanks you are sooo right!!

Iloveweddings Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:20 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

I hear ya! I have a friend who is going to be married soon and she is spending close to 75,000 on her wedding. Now, they have been saving for over a year and they havenb't been able to do anything this year at all. We are getting married at a less fancy reception site and are spending about 30,000. I bet you the weddings will be great but I prefer to have fun and still be able to do some fun stuff while we are saving! Beleive me, after paying off 10,000 in credit card debt from college, I will never do that again! I firmly beleive in cash on the barrel!

aliciahelene Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:21 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

You are absolutely right!! The only important thing here is the honeymoon!! hahahaha ( Just kidding..we are going to the same honeymoon place)

teachertime Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:22 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

May I second this post from someone who has been there.

I am getting married for a second time and FI and I are paying for it ourselves.

When I look back at my first wedding, still to this day I feel AWFUL about how much money my parents spent on my wedding. They just wanted to please me and make me happy, but when put into persepctive it was only one day and they spent somewhere in the range of $40K!

I mean I had an all out weeding, $100 per person plates (back in 97') 175 people, $100 centerpieces for 20+ tables. Thousands of dollars on flowers, $5000 for a band, it was absolutel insanity!!

I am now having an imtimate beach wedding with only 60 of my family and only closest friends and I have a feeling it is going to be more sweet and beautiful than the circus I had the first time.

Please, keep things in perspective!

Christine

jennbaby Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:23 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

teachertime that sounds beautiful!!

tracyg Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:25 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

My dad was sort of telling me the same thing... but he doesn't understand that we got a GREAT price for the hall (which is what hes paying for)

The rest we are paying for. And we are watching what we are spending.. and are using only cash. He seems to forget that im a bargain hunter and will not pay ridiculous amount for things.

franksbride Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:30 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

We are also paying for this wedding ourselves...even if our parents paid for it, I wouldn't want to spend anymore than I am already paying...not only is it just not worth it...but doesn't marriage mean so much more than how much money you've paid for your reception site, or that you got the most expensive centerpieces money can buy?

I agree and FH and I are not getting ourselves into debt just to have a party to celebrate our wedding. We're doing what we can afford to do and that's that...if someone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not mine!

ddunne23 Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:31 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

I couldn't agree with you more! In my mind I had the perfect wedding...awesome dress, beautiful flowers, great pics and video, and a wonderful hall that represented my style. Had 95 guests and my whole wedding cost about less than $20,000! It can be done! I came out debt free and we used the $$ from the wedding to buy our first home! So think twice when you really want the imported exotic flowers for your bouquet or centerpieces!

kelly6273 Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:36 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

So true. I know so many people who did this and regret it!!! I'm so glad we paid cash for everything!

Alvatorre74 Posted: Aug 06, 2003 10:37 AM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

I know exactly what U MEAN!!!.. We are paying all CASH..no credit card debt for me..I've already been down that road..and it was really hard to get out of debt!!:EMO12

nrvbrd Posted: Aug 06, 2003 12:05 PM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

Thanks ladies.

I feel like I am always telling people what to do.

julybride444 Posted: Aug 06, 2003 12:14 PM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

A post from someone who is there. My fiance and I (I'm not working, am in school) paid for our own wedding. We spent quite a lot by comparison to our other family members/friends did on their weddings. We're also spending 3 weeks in Fiji for our honeymoon, not cheap.

It was well worth it-but we know we can pay it off in one year. We also did put some of it on a credit card, but on a card that has 0% interest until next Sept.-we wouldn't think of paying interest on that kind of sum.

Now, his parents gave us about 1/5 of the cost of wedding/hm, and our guests gave about 1/5 of the cost as well.

It was worth every penny. We had a fabulous time, and we think of it as simply proof that in a year we can come up with almost the downpayment on a house here in Brooklyn

One thing though-we already lived together for 2 years and knew our spending/saving capabilities, that is very important. If we didn't live together for some time, and FH didn't have a very secure job, we would never consider such debt.

butterfly20 Posted: Aug 06, 2003 12:51 PM

Re: Don't mean to be preachy ladies, but JMO ...

i totally agree with you, we have some money from our parents but then have to spend some of our own,so i put us on a budget because i want the house, not the debt.....

similar story- my cousin is still paying off her wedding from 10 years ago, so she and her husband were unable to move out of their apartment to a house.. 10 years later i dont wanna still be paying for my one day, jmo