Doubts

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Posted by Kimbalina

Honestly, I dont know what happened but if there is something in your gut saying .. no more. Then I would trust it

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I agree. Often we ignore that little voice and then afterward we're kicking ourselves for not listening to our gut.

If he does not have what's called 'a fatal flaw' like addiction, abusive tendencies, out-of-control anger, serious commitment issues, etc then I would suggest couples counseling because it sounds like a large part of you still wants to work it out.

Give it your best shot. If you still have doubts then it's not too late to call off the wedding. You'll lose some deposits but, trust me, divorce is a hell of a lot more expensive -- and painful.

Good luck to you

I went through a similar situation a few months ago with my FH. Not that I know what your exact situation is, but I was at the point where I felt that I wanted out of the relationship. The only thing that was keeping me going was the fact that something in my heart was telling me to stay and the wedding was so close. I was at my breaking point, I felt so alone. FH was so angry all the time, and his temper had become uncontrolable. Even his parents had noticed that he seemed like a different person. After having another big blow up one night I threw my ring at him and told him it was over, and I felt that I really meant it. I couldn't be with a man who had become such a monster.

The next day after we both cooled off we had a serious discussion, we both talked about ways we felt we had to change in the relationship... and at that point we both knew that we wanted this to work. The truth is, we couldn't picture our lives without the other in it. I'm very happy to say that we even found the reason for his anger problem: the new seizure meds he was on. He switched off of of them, and now everything is all better. Our relationship is back to where it was and we're both can't wait to get married and be together forever!

I hope this helps... I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I know I felt the same way you did, I was extremely torn. I hope everything works out for the best!

SEnding tons of your way.
I think there are always some doubts, my mom always said its like a big lottery -
but if you know ahead of time that there are going to be certain things that you just wont be ok with then i would leave.

things/people dont change after you get married, the smaller issues/peeves just get bigger.

im sorry you are going through this.....we are all here to support you - its hard to give advice without knowing the situation but i hope you figure out what is best for you

when you have doubts, take a step back and picture your life without your fh. when he came back to me that night and we talked it was great - I actually think our relationship is better because we both realized how lucky we are to have each other.

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I agree with this too!

aww hun.. i hope everything works out.. try to work things out.. it's part of the journey..

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Posted by Luvbsb4eva

I went through a similar situation a few months ago with my FH. Not that I know what your exact situation is, but I was at the point where I felt that I wanted out of the relationship. The only thing that was keeping me going was the fact that something in my heart was telling me to stay and the wedding was so close. I was at my breaking point, I felt so alone. FH was so angry all the time, and his temper had become uncontrolable. Even his parents had noticed that he seemed like a different person. After having another big blow up one night I threw my ring at him and told him it was over, and I felt that I really meant it. I couldn't be with a man who had become such a monster.

The next day after we both cooled off we had a serious discussion, we both talked about ways we felt we had to change in the relationship... and at that point we both knew that we wanted this to work. The truth is, we couldn't picture our lives without the other in it. I'm very happy to say that we even found the reason for his anger problem: the new seizure meds he was on. He switched off of of them, and now everything is all better. Our relationship is back to where it was and we're both can't wait to get married and be together forever!

I hope this helps... I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I know I felt the same way you did, I was extremely torn. I hope everything works out for the best!

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Glad your situation was resolved! See, the point is, it's definitely not easy. In your case, there was something that you were able to resolve and chang. If you had just given up and walked away, you may never have known.

I'm sorry you have been feeling this way.

I have felt this way several times so I know it's horrible to feel that way.

The decision is ultimately yours. Without more info it's really hard to give advice but I hope you know you are not the first to have these feelings.

I don't know the situation but sometimes I find I have to sit back and think about the situation from FHs perspective and that helps me think through any issues.

I don't know if that helps but I do want you to know that any of us are here to talk more. You can FM me if you want, or not, I understand wanting privacy.

I hope things work out.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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i couldnt agree more with you

I am sorry but I dont want to pick you for the reason youre upset ..so I cant give advice ....but what I do wish for you is that everything works out for the better regardless of which path you choose to take and muchoooooo hugs for you

i think everyone has said it very well, you need to evaluate the issue at hand and go from there,
good luck and i know you will do the right thing!

oh god...i am so sorry you are dealing with this...i wish i could help

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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Very well said! I agree!

I hope everything works out or you the way it is meant to!