Doubts

i had an incident with FH on New Years Day. I thought we were done for sure. He left, and ended up coming back later and telling me he loved me and really wanted to be with me. I was ready to call off the wedding, but because he was dealing with something from his past I dealt with it and we just tried to talk through it.

But that day in those few hours he went back to his mom's I realized that I couldn't see my life without him and even though I am strong and I know I would be fine if we broke up, I didn't want a life without him.

when you have doubts, take a step back and picture your life without your fh. when he came back to me that night and we talked it was great - I actually think our relationship is better because we both realized how lucky we are to have each other.

I really think that it depends what your doubts are based on. There are times when people love each other so much but really just cant live together bc of certain serious habits. For example, I know a couple who ended their relationship bc of his failure to budget properly. Some people would say that can be fixed but sometimes you cant change a person. Then there are serious issues like in-laws. Some people dont think their relationship will work bc they have to accept these crazy in-laws FOREVER. However, I think that if the right type of love is there then the two of you can work out serious issues. If you think it is more than just 6 month out jitters, maybe you should postpone it until you truly believe the situation is fixed, rather than walk away entirely.
Did any of this make sense? I tend to ramble.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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i totally agree with this.

good luck.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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Very well said!!! Take the wedding out of the picture. If you weren't planning a wedding right now would this be a 'deal breaker'.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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well said

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Posted by snwb08

i had an incident with FH on New Years Day. I thought we were done for sure. He left, and ended up coming back later and telling me he loved me and really wanted to be with me. I was ready to call off the wedding, but because he was dealing with something from his past I dealt with it and we just tried to talk through it.

But that day in those few hours he went back to his mom's I realized that I couldn't see my life without him and even though I am strong and I know I would be fine if we broke up, I didn't want a life without him.

when you have doubts, take a step back and picture your life without your fh. when he came back to me that night and we talked it was great - I actually think our relationship is better because we both realized how lucky we are to have each other.

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Thats a great point Maybe some time apart will help.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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Good advice!

Dava's words are 100% right. I agree with her and hope that you figure out what's going on and that it all works out for you

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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very well said

like she said it will be hard for any of us to tell you whether to stay or not. If he is being abusive lets say then none of us would want to encourage you to stay. Not saying that is the problem but just using it as an example. Also, not asking you to tell us what it is, that is your private business but thats why it will be hard for us to tell you what to do

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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Very well said!! This is great advice and I agree with it 110%! There are some things you can work through and some things you can't.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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It could not have been put any better.

I'm sorry you are going through this

Melissa - FM me with what happened. You know Keith and I are here for you if you need anything.

Will try and call you soon

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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FH is not abusive. It has nothing to do with wedding panic.

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Posted by MSeed

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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FH is not abusive. It has nothing to do with wedding panic.

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no i know im sorry i didnt mean to say he is abusive but gave that as an extreme example. Just showing why somebody wouldn't want to tell you to stay or leave. I realize theres tons of other problems it can be. SOmetimes its something as simple as somebody not giving you what you want, things not going the way you want.

I am so sorry!!!! I wish I could offer you advice, but since I do not totally know the situation I would say that you really need to sit down and think things through… it is tough when ur heart says one thing, but ur mind says something else. If you want to talk more feel free to FM me.

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Posted by DavaDay

I understand that you want to keep your issue private. But whether or not you stick this out depends on what the 'issue' is.

For example, if he were abusive in any way, you get out of there this second. If he has been cheating on you for a year, pack your stuff and leave. If he does not ever want to have children and you do, that won't be changed by time and it's better to end the relationship now.

But, if it's that you don't feel that 'spark' you used to, or that he's been promising to go back to college and make more money but is being lazy, etc., that's stuff you can talk over, go to counseling for, work through over time. And the close proximity of the wedding might make it seem like an unfixable doom you're heading towards, when it's really just magnified by wedding panic.

So I say, figure out of the issue is 'fixable' and if you're just panicking because the wedding is so near, or if it's a defect in his character that you shouldn't have to live with.

Good luck.

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I agree. I know someone whose FH had a gambling problem. She cancelled the wedding 2 months before.

I've had doubts too from time to time but the issues weren't make or break things and in my case were probably just stress.

Hopefully there is someone close to u who u can confide in and get some support. Sorry have to go through this.

I'm sorry you are feeling like this. We are all here to help you


I hope everything works out for you guys