I'm not going to get into the full story since it's just too long to explain, but basically one of FH's groomsmen called last night and told us that he wouldn't come to the wedding if one of my friends was invited. I already sent her a STD so she thinks that she's coming. They have a ton of history together including an illegitimate child who he won't claim. It's caused FH and I to argue way too much and it just royally pisses me off. At this point there's nothing that I can do about it, but I just felt the need to vent for a second.
Thanks for listening.
faithandkevin
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
Say what Ann Landers would say, 'YOU'LL BE MISSED!'
I had a similar situation at the beginning of my engagement. I had a friend with a scum bag BF who fights with everyone. He started saying, do me a favor, don't seat me with so-and-so, meanwhile I'm only inviting 115 people, and if I have 2 tables of friends and the other tables are family, then you might be sitting with them. I told him, 'MY wedding is about me and FH and it's not about who in the world YOU are getting along with at the moment. So get over it!' Well my friend stopped talking to me and backed out of my wedding over that comment. And it's so much better drama free!
stealthgroom
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
This is such garbage, Laura. You already sent out the save the date card to a friend of yours. Yeesh.
--the steath groom (because guys want bomb a$$ parties and ceremonies that reflect their ideals too, darnit)
PegaLega
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
OMG I would have told him to shove it. If he cant play nice and be an adult at this point then I wouldnt want a child being part of my BP in the first place. He has NO right telling you who to invite to your wedding. The nerve
cmrcmr0430
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That suucckksss!!
werock0709
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First off, I have a problem with you saying illegitimate child . And what ever riff they have shouldn't affect your wedding. You make the rules, and stand by them. Your wording pissed me off, and I'm being nice. What do you mean by illegitamate child? That they weren't married? Well, I have news for you...it happens all the time, so you using thst word offends me. Cause I have a son, who is 8 and I was NOT married.
billandme
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Posted by AlliCatB
the groomsman sounds like a selfish b@stard... it's your wedding, invite who you want. They should be adult enough to play nice and stay on opposite sides of the room.
Sorry you are dealing with this though.........
luvabul
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seriously i agree, GROW UP people im sorry you have to deal with this...
laural2979
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Posted by werock0709
First off, I have a problem with you saying illegitimate child . And what ever riff they have shouldn't affect your wedding. You make the rules, and stand by them. Your wording pissed me off, and I'm being nice. What do you mean by illegitamate child? That they weren't married? Well, I have news for you...it happens all the time, so you using thst word offends me. Cause I have a son, who is 8 and I was NOT married.
I'm very sorry that offended you, but by definition, an illegitimate child means by a couple who is not married. Maybe that term was too harsh, but everyone understood what I meant. The situation is very long and complicated. They dated long distance, she got pregnant the last time that they were together. She didn't tell him that she was pregnant until 6 months into it. He asked for a paternity test, she said no because she was afraid that he would sue for custody. Now 4 years later she's taking him to court to get his name on her child's birth certificate. That's the gist of it, but I thought saying illegitimate made telling the story easier. It wasn't meant to be offensive.
D's Girl
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
Ok first, Laura did nothing wrong by saying what she said, here is the definition for those of you who want it and speaking from the heart, my FH has a child from a previous relationship, so I know this word well:
Main Entry: il·le·git·i·mate Pronunciation: \-ˈji-tə-mət\ Function: adjective Date: 1536 1: not recognized as lawful offspring; specifically : born of parents not married to each other 2: not rightly deduced or inferred : illogical 3: departing from the regular : erratic 4 a: not sanctioned by law : illegal b: not authorized by good usage cof a taxon : published but not in accordance with the rules of the relevant international code ? il·le·git·i·mate·ly adverb
Ok so now back to Laura, you will always come across some people who just don't get the fact that it is not all about them all the time. People need to put their differences aside and esp. People who should care for you and your FH and want to be there for you.
Nina
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
Laura sorry you have to deal with this.
Maybe you can just tell him 'look, this is not about you and her, its about us, and as a friend, you would not give us this ultimatum.'
Honestly..he should be able to be civil, and not act up, just this once.
And if not.....sometimes its hurts us, but sometimes you just have to say 'Too bad, so sad, you're gonna miss a great party'
I hope for your sake that they put aside the differences...and it works out.
As for you saying illegitimate child, nothing offensive about it.....you stated what it was...don't worry Laura...things will work out
brittny817
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
Illegitimate is a legal term not a derogatory reference. I wouldn't get upset over that. My niece is illegitimate (i.e. my brother is not married to her mother) and she is as well received and adored as if they were. Now if someone were to call her a b@stard that would be a whole other story
Laura I still say tell this GM to be an adult about this!
eunicsd006
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sry if this is too harsh but i have to disagree with everyone and tell u that this is ur own fault...u knew that there was drama and long history.....i myself wouldnt invite people to my wedding who have drama and bad history becuase i know that it may make them uncomftable....i would not have invited her ....becuase the gm was the one asked to be in the wedding...sry but this is just my opinion....
chrissyandvin
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Like Britt said.. I would just tell him to get over it and that you want them both there and to act like an adult about it! Is she giving you a hassle over it too?? I am sooo sorry you are going through this and as far as the Illegitimate thing.. I have 2 children born out of wedlock and I did not even think TWICE about being offended!!! Nothing wrong with what you said Laura!
N.Y.bride
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Id tell the groomsmen if he cant play nice for a few freaking hours - then don't come!!!
Sorry but I just think that is so ridiculous!
Nina
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Posted by N.Y.bride
Id tell the groomsmen if he cant play nice for a few freaking hours - then don't come!!!
Sorry but I just think that is so ridiculous!
Amen Amy!!
NowAndForever2012
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Tell him to not to worry about who is coming to you wedding, just worry about when child support catches up with his a$$
AlliCatB
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
Posted by laural2979
Posted by AlliCatB
the groomsman sounds like a selfish b@stard... it's your wedding, invite who you want. They should be adult enough to play nice and stay on opposite sides of the room.
I wish is were that simple, but the GM is a close friend of FH's family. Not only is he invited, but so is his brother and mother. It would cause all kinds of drama if he didn't come. I do agree that he's a selfish b@stard though!
Hmmm. Maybe you can call him, or better, meet him for coffee - and talk to him about how important it is for you to have him there AND how much it would mean to you if he could just play nice for one evening? Tell him how distressed you are. Maybe he doesn't realize what an awkward position he's created for you & FH???
lizzynyu
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Re: Drama, drama everywhere!!!
Sorry to hear about all that drama. It isn't fair because this is supposed to be a happy occassion and you don't need this. IMO, you should just explain that this is you and your FH's day and for one day, they should act civil towards each other. It's not like they HAVE to be seated at the same table and they don't have to interact with one another. They don't have to like each other or get along...just be civil. I wouldn;t disinvite a friend just because someone doesn't get along with them. My best friend was having this problem because her MOH and her FH's BM hate each other. He tried to pull the same crap with her and she refused to have it. He even threatened to not be the BM if he had to stand near her. He refused to speak to her or even acknowledge her presence and they were originally gonna walk down the aisle together. My friend though put her foot down and told him to knock off the baby bulls***. She is now making her MOH walk down by herself at the ceremony (which is not a big deal...i think that's how it done mostly anyway) and even though they are seated at the same table, they will be at opposite ends and will not readily able to interact with the other one. I don't know if this helps you at all but this is your wedding day, not his. If this friend means a lot to you, then I'd still invite her. And if he can't deal with it, then he's gonna look like the fool.
