dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

Ok so i have all the catalogs on invitations and i have thoroughly looked through suggestions on how to word the invites based upon different situations. But where is the one for the dysfunctional family????

Here's the thing. My FH's parents are paying for 1/2 the wedding and my FH and i are paying for the other 1/2. (My father has been out of the picture for over 10 years). Originally i thought that we'd put something like... Together with Our Families... blah blah blah. Originally my FMIL said it was okay that we weren't inviting the amount of family-friends that her daughter had at her wedding because typically the brides parents pay for the wedding and that could be there excuse for certain people not being invited. So i figured they wouldn't want their name on the invite at the top.

But my FH's mother has decided that she wants their name on the invitation, which is fine. BUT... how do i word it exactly? Part II of this is that my mother has only put in $1700 dollars towards the wedding, as did my aunt (for my dress & the RD). Do i put my moms name at the top too even though she's not paying for much at all (and please girls don't take that as i'm being greedy or selfish. i'm just stating the obvious).

Part III of this is that i sort of don't want to put my moms name at the top as if she's paying for the wedding. The reason why (before you all decide you hate me) is because she has been VERY DISINTERESTED in this wedding. I mean yes she's not paying for the wedding, but i've tried to keep her involved. I've showed up at her house with catalogs and stuff to show her and apparently the TV was more interesting. You know how your mom is supposed to be super involved and all excited about your wedding and your day? Well... i haven't had that at all. My FMIL and FSIL have done more for me and have been more excited than my own mother.

(sorry this is so long)... my mother might be upset she's not on the invite if i leave her off, but should i put her at the top like she's paying for the wedding, when she's not??? She has been a huge disappointment through this whole thing and it's very sad. So should i really care about her feelings about the invites?

(go easy on me girls)

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

i think if you put your FMIL on it, you should put your mom too, unless you really don't talk to your mom/have no relationship, etc.

bc if you put only FMIL on it, I'm sure mom will be offended. it could end up being prolonged resentment-i don't know if its worth the aggravation?

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

ok, first relax....no one is going to jump on you. my mom is very detached from the whole wedding process too. its weird but that is just how she is. my fil's are contributing a certain amount of $$ and my parents are matching that, but we still put both names on top - to hell with etiquette they are still our parents.

if you put you fil's name and then your mothers name, that would be fine. example:

mr and mrs smith
along with
jane doe

or something similiar....is that what you are asking?

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

OK....I am NOT the only member of a dysfunctional family!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is what we actually went with:
(quirky little verse at the top)...
Catherine & Paul, Victor & Rosalind
invite you to join
the family and friends of
Cheryl middle last
and
Victor middle last
for the ceremony and celebration
of their marriage....

So you see, etiquette was of no help to me. We did put my mom's name first since you would normally in a divorce situation and originally I had FILs first, but our invitation vendor (also a family friend) pointed it out and said that my parents should be first (which was fine, I was just glad to be done with it).

It's very different (and yes, we only used first names for our parents), but it solved everything....and we've heard nothing but rave reviews on our invites!

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by sarahthegreat

ok, first relax....no one is going to jump on you. my mom is very detached from the whole wedding process too. its weird but that is just how she is. my fil's are contributing a certain amount of $$ and my parents are matching that, but we still put both names on top - to hell with etiquette they are still our parents.

if you put you fil's name and then your mothers name, that would be fine. example:

mr and mrs smith
along with
jane doe

or something similiar....is that what you are asking?

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5000 posts and you haven't seen people start fights over smaller issues or things that were said in their posts that others didn't agree with?? I just didn't want what i said to be turned into that, thats all and on here, sometimes you have to be clear about that.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by sarahthegreat

ok, first relax....no one is going to jump on you. my mom is very detached from the whole wedding process too. its weird but that is just how she is. my fil's are contributing a certain amount of $$ and my parents are matching that, but we still put both names on top - to hell with etiquette they are still our parents.

if you put you fil's name and then your mothers name, that would be fine. example:

mr and mrs smith
along with
jane doe

or something similiar....is that what you are asking?

---

5000 posts and you haven't seen people start fights over smaller issues or things that were said in their posts that others didn't agree with?? I just didn't want what i said to be turned into that, thats all and on here, sometimes you have to be clear about that.

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fights? no fights on liw....never....

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

You didn't say if your mom's and your FMIL's financial situations are different, maybe your mom can't do any more financially. I'm sorry that she has been so disinterested and uninvolved... maybe it's about painful memories from her own marriage which is sad, but I'm glad your FMIL and FSIL have been so involved!

Can you or FH talk to FMIL about it and explain that to leave your mom's name off, or even to put it second, would be such a breach ot the traditional that you feel it would be hurtful. Would she be ok with your mom's name being first so as not to raise questions?
Good luck!

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

Does FH's mom definately want her name on there? My parents are the only ones contributing and I decided not to put any parents names. ours just says 'The honour of your presence is requested....' My parents were fine with it and actually my mom had no idea what an invitation should say. Since you are close with FH's mom maybe you could have a little heart to heart about the whole thing. It's not worth fighting about whatever you decide to do!!!

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by mcb916

Does FH's mom definately want her name on there? My parents are the only ones contributing and I decided not to put any parents names. ours just says 'The honour of your presence is requested....' My parents were fine with it and actually my mom had no idea what an invitation should say. Since you are close with FH's mom maybe you could have a little heart to heart about the whole thing. It's not worth fighting about whatever you decide to do!!!

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Yeah i sort of did and thought the whole... 'together with our families' thing would be the answer. But she really wants their names on their to recognize what they've done for us.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by becca888

You didn't say if your mom's and your FMIL's financial situations are different, maybe your mom can't do any more financially. I'm sorry that she has been so disinterested and uninvolved... maybe it's about painful memories from her own marriage which is sad, but I'm glad your FMIL and FSIL have been so involved!

Can you or FH talk to FMIL about it and explain that to leave your mom's name off, or even to put it second, would be such a breach ot the traditional that you feel it would be hurtful. Would she be ok with your mom's name being first so as not to raise questions?
Good luck!

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my mom has actually come into a bit of money and is in the position to pitch in a little more now, but has not, nor offered. Not that i need much or that it's about the money, but it's about the whole thing. She just doesn't care. I mean my FMIL and FSIL are throwing my bridal shower, when my mom should be doing it. And you would think my mom would call them to ask if they need help or anything, but has she... NOPE!

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by vixchik

OK....I am NOT the only member of a dysfunctional family!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is what we actually went with:
(quirky little verse at the top)...
Catherine & Paul, Victor & Rosalind
invite you to join
the family and friends of
Cheryl middle last
and
Victor middle last
for the ceremony and celebration
of their marriage....

So you see, etiquette was of no help to me. We did put my mom's name first since you would normally in a divorce situation and originally I had FILs first, but our invitation vendor (also a family friend) pointed it out and said that my parents should be first (which was fine, I was just glad to be done with it).

It's very different (and yes, we only used first names for our parents), but it solved everything....and we've heard nothing but rave reviews on our invites!

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I like this a lot, I think it includes everyone very elegantly. I do have a question what does FH say?

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

I LOVE the suggestion of putting parents first names and the rest of the wording that is already posted on this thread, but if you don't like it, you could try

Mary Beth Jones
daughter of
Susan Jones

and

Michael John Smith
son of
Thomas and Martha Smith
invite you blah blah

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

Have you Asked your mom if she'd be upset? Maybe she doesn't even want her name on the invite, especially if she's not interested in the wedding at all.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by VadersBride2006

Have you Asked your mom if she'd be upset? Maybe she doesn't even want her name on the invite, especially if she's not interested in the wedding at all.

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I haven't asked her quite yet, but i know my mom. She's the type of person who is all about putting on a show and looking good in front of people. So i can almost guarantee that she'll want her name to be on there for that sake.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by Vicky423

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Posted by vixchik

OK....I am NOT the only member of a dysfunctional family!!! yay!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is what we actually went with:
(quirky little verse at the top)...
Catherine & Paul, Victor & Rosalind
invite you to join
the family and friends of
Cheryl middle last
and
Victor middle last
for the ceremony and celebration
of their marriage....

So you see, etiquette was of no help to me. We did put my mom's name first since you would normally in a divorce situation and originally I had FILs first, but our invitation vendor (also a family friend) pointed it out and said that my parents should be first (which was fine, I was just glad to be done with it).

It's very different (and yes, we only used first names for our parents), but it solved everything....and we've heard nothing but rave reviews on our invites!

---

I like this a lot, I think it includes everyone very elegantly. I do have a question what does FH say?

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Honestly at first, I didn't like it (the names)...then it grew on me (quickly) FH loved it right away...as long as I was fine and his parents (footing the bill for the invites/wedding) were fine with it, he was thrilled.

He had originally vetoed this verse that is at the top:
Just like a page out of a fairy tale
the storybook romance comes true... (i think that's how it goes)

He thought that was dumb, his parents loved it....without having a real princess/cinderella theme, our whole relationship/engagement has always felt like a bit of a fairy tale to me....he really is my prince....that's the only reason i chose it. I am also a bit of a romantic and this went along with the stardust and dreams that our engagement party embraced. (and i'm a dork. heehee) His mom actually told him that it wasn't a dumb verse and was rather cute and that in the webpage we'd created, their was a whole thing about dreams coming true, finding my 'prince' and that she and his father felt it was fitting...after seeing it from that perspective, he loved it.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

Ok, so what about this:

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the wedding of:

Bride
daughter of
Disinterested Mom
and their son,
Groom.

It's a LITTLE disjointed but I think it could work. That way it is VERY clear who's hosting.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by PrincessRose

Ok, so what about this:

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the wedding of:

Bride
daughter of
Disinterested Mom
and their son,
Groom.

It's a LITTLE disjointed but I think it could work. That way it is VERY clear who's hosting.

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yeah my FSIL suggested that and i might use that. We'll see what my mom says about it. But i love that you put... disinterested mom in there! Thanks for the laugh!

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by PrincessRose

Ok, so what about this:

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the wedding of:

Bride
daughter of
Disinterested Mom
and their son,
Groom.

It's a LITTLE disjointed but I think it could work. That way it is VERY clear who's hosting.

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yeah my FSIL suggested that and i might use that. We'll see what my mom says about it. But i love that you put... disinterested mom in there! Thanks for the laugh!

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Yeah, thought you could use one.

Honestly in your position, I wouldn't care what my Mom thought. I certainly didn't care what my ILs thought when we did our invites (they were the way your mom is being), but we put their names on there as being DH's parents because DH wanted it that way. With your mother's behavior, IMO, she should be thankful to even be ON the invitation.

Out of curiosity, what about your dad? Should he go on the invite? Pardon me if this is a sensitive topic.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

I read somewhere that the only people's names that go on the invitation are those hosting the wedding. Whether your mother put $1,700 or $17,000 doesn't seem to matter - what matters is who is taking care of activitites around the wedding.

I am not quite sure I get this... I too have a question about how to word our invites. I had always assumed anyone making a signifcant contribution to the wedding (monetarily) gets their name on the invite....

Sorry this doesn't really help!

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by clarity

i think if you put your FMIL on it, you should put your mom too, unless you really don't talk to your mom/have no relationship, etc.

bc if you put only FMIL on it, I'm sure mom will be offended. it could end up being prolonged resentment-i don't know if its worth the aggravation?

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I agree. you can't just put your FMIL's name on it. that's not right.