Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by Tria1110

I read somewhere that the only people's names that go on the invitation are those hosting the wedding. Whether your mother put $1,700 or $17,000 doesn't seem to matter - what matters is who is taking care of activitites around the wedding.

I am not quite sure I get this... I too have a question about how to word our invites. I had always assumed anyone making a signifcant contribution to the wedding (monetarily) gets their name on the invite....

Sorry this doesn't really help!

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So hosting means paying?? Not sure.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by clarity

i think if you put your FMIL on it, you should put your mom too, unless you really don't talk to your mom/have no relationship, etc.

bc if you put only FMIL on it, I'm sure mom will be offended. it could end up being prolonged resentment-i don't know if its worth the aggravation?

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I agree. you can't just put your FMIL's name on it. that's not right.

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Yes but my FMIL is putting in $20,000. That's huge and in my mind, she deserves more recognition than my mother.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by PrincessRose

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by PrincessRose

Ok, so what about this:

Mr. and Mrs. Groom's Parents
request the honour of your presence at the wedding of:

Bride
daughter of
Disinterested Mom
and their son,
Groom.

It's a LITTLE disjointed but I think it could work. That way it is VERY clear who's hosting.

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yeah my FSIL suggested that and i might use that. We'll see what my mom says about it. But i love that you put... disinterested mom in there! Thanks for the laugh!

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Yeah, thought you could use one.

Honestly in your position, I wouldn't care what my Mom thought. I certainly didn't care what my ILs thought when we did our invites (they were the way your mom is being), but we put their names on there as being DH's parents because DH wanted it that way. With your mother's behavior, IMO, she should be thankful to even be ON the invitation.

Out of curiosity, what about your dad? Should he go on the invite? Pardon me if this is a sensitive topic.

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Not a sensitive topic... i'm an open book. My father and i have not spoken or seen eachother in 10 years. He will not be invited to the wedding.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

Can I just hop on here for a sec? I just want to say, your FH sounds like an absolute DREAM , and his parents as well! For whatever 'dysfunctional' stuff that has gone down in your fam (and may well continue) you must be so thankful to be folded into this new family, and it seems they are thankful to have you as well.

I hope all this stress over wording invitations and other details that will come up, will not color the beauty of your wedding day and the life you two will have together!

You are trying to do the right thing, and I wish you so much peace and love!!

(Just my 2 cents )

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

I think 'Together with their families.....' Is perfect. It includes everyone! If someone isnt happy with it, OH WELL!!!!! Even when family member contribute money, its YOU and your FH's choice in the end.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by clarity

i think if you put your FMIL on it, you should put your mom too, unless you really don't talk to your mom/have no relationship, etc.

bc if you put only FMIL on it, I'm sure mom will be offended. it could end up being prolonged resentment-i don't know if its worth the aggravation?

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I agree. you can't just put your FMIL's name on it. that's not right.

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Yes but my FMIL is putting in $20,000. That's huge and in my mind, she deserves more recognition than my mother.

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I don't see the names being put on the invitation for the point of it being recognition. For me, it shouldn't be about who's paying, etc.... trust me, your guests aren't going to read the invite and say 'Oh My,,,, look at that, only FMIL is paying for the wedding' My mother didn't contribute a dime other than paying for my dress. My father and step-mother along with DH's parents split the cost of the wedding. Unfortunately, my mother is so sensitive about my step mother's name being anywhere, and my step mother didn't want to cause problems, so she didn't want her name on the invite. I'm sure my guests didn't whisper about that.

For me it was about honoring my parents and DH's parents, regardless who paid or didn't paid.

JMHO

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by FallBride05

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Posted by aliwnec10

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Posted by dleeny

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Posted by clarity

i think if you put your FMIL on it, you should put your mom too, unless you really don't talk to your mom/have no relationship, etc.

bc if you put only FMIL on it, I'm sure mom will be offended. it could end up being prolonged resentment-i don't know if its worth the aggravation?

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I agree. you can't just put your FMIL's name on it. that's not right.

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Yes but my FMIL is putting in $20,000. That's huge and in my mind, she deserves more recognition than my mother.

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I don't see the names being put on the invitation for the point of it being recognition. For me, it shouldn't be about who's paying, etc.... trust me, your guests aren't going to read the invite and say 'Oh My,,,, look at that, only FMIL is paying for the wedding' My mother didn't contribute a dime other than paying for my dress. My father and step-mother along with DH's parents split the cost of the wedding. Unfortunately, my mother is so sensitive about my step mother's name being anywhere, and my step mother didn't want to cause problems, so she didn't want her name on the invite. I'm sure my guests didn't whisper about that.

For me it was about honoring my parents and DH's parents, regardless who paid or didn't paid.

JMHO

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I understand your position, i do. But not everyone looks at the invite like that. I know many people who take notice of who's at the top... which therefore to most people, means that they are paying. I'm not saying that i agree with that, but i just want to point out... that people do take notice.

Re: dysfunctional family... need help with wording invites

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Posted by becca888

Can I just hop on here for a sec? I just want to say, your FH sounds like an absolute DREAM , and his parents as well! For whatever 'dysfunctional' stuff that has gone down in your fam (and may well continue) you must be so thankful to be folded into this new family, and it seems they are thankful to have you as well.

I hope all this stress over wording invitations and other details that will come up, will not color the beauty of your wedding day and the life you two will have together!

You are trying to do the right thing, and I wish you so much peace and love!!

(Just my 2 cents )

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That was extremely nice of you to say. And i will absolutely agree with you on all of it. My FH is one of the best, as is his family! I really don't know what i would do without them. And i'm not stressing about it really. I was just curious what everyone thought. Trust me... in the large scheme of life... this is not a problem! Thanks for your kind words!