I recently spoke to a bridesmaid of mine who informed that she just recently got engaged. She gave me a long drawn out story of how it went down but ended it with the fact that she does not have a ring yet and that her FH has to save up for one. I congratulated her anyway because she seems happy. But when I told my FH about this, he laughed and said then they are not really engaged they just talked about getting married. I was interested to know what you ladies think about this subject.
Pencils
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Personally, I don't think people will take you seriously without the ring.
I understand what you're saying, but if someone says they're engaged, then they are, in my opinion. I happen to have more respect for couples who want to save up for a ring or do without than those who go into debt to buy a ring they can't afford. Anyone who thinks that a couple without a ring can't really be engaged is shallow.
rojerono
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by nmagel
Posted by thelastresort
Personally, I don't think people will take you seriously without the ring. JMO
i agree
Well.... i don't have a ring.
First because I am not much of a jewelery person - and i didn't see the sense in spending money on a ring when I didn't really care for rings.
Second because I -PERSONALLY and RELEVANT TO ME AS AN INDIVIDUAL - find the whole idea of an engagement ring both archaic and sexist. I hate saying that because people get SO offended and act like I am attacking them. If you have a ring and love the idea and love your ring - I am really and sincerely happy for you. But it just isn't for me
So we bought a token that really locked our asses together - a house!
As to being taken seriously...
The vendors who have cashed our checks never asked to see my ring. The people who got invitations didn't respond by telling us that they would like to see proof of purchase of an engagement ring before they could commit to coming to the wedding or not. And the only 2 people who REALLY matter - my FH and I - are pretty convinced that we are getting married in 34 days.
I guess it doesn't matter if anyone else doesn't take us seriously!
ant n tilde
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by rojerono
Posted by nmagel
Posted by thelastresort
Personally, I don't think people will take you seriously without the ring. JMO
i agree
Well.... i don't have a ring.
First because I am not much of a jewelery person - and i didn't see the sense in spending money on a ring when I didn't really care for rings.
Second because I -PERSONALLY and RELEVANT TO ME AS AN INDIVIDUAL - find the whole idea of an engagement ring both archaic and sexist. I hate saying that because people get SO offended and act like I am attacking them. If you have a ring and love the idea and love your ring - I am really and sincerely happy for you. But it just isn't for me
i am SO OFFENDED
he he jk - i have to say i completely dont agree with you even the slightest bit - but i am what most people call the 'anti feminist' and i hate all that feminism has come to represent - we should get into a talk about that some time. But anyway - i really love hearing your opinions and love how you express yourself!
rojerono
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by ant n tilde i am SO OFFENDED
he he jk - i have to say i completely dont agree with you even the slightest bit - but i am what most people call the 'anti feminist' and i hate all that feminism has come to represent - we should get into a talk about that some time. But anyway - i really love hearing your opinions and love how you express yourself!
\
You don't have to agree with me - I love you (and your giant rock) ANYWAY!
drpepper318
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
I think a person can definitely be engaged without a ring! But it's a tangible symbol of the engagement and we've been so conditioned to think 'engagement = ring' so most people expect or assume that if you're engaged you have one. But it's not necessary. Definitely if you have plans to get married in the reasonably near future, and the commitment is there on both ends, then it's an engagement regardless of whether there's jewelry involved or not.
I Love my bear
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
This is pretty contraversiol...in my case FH knew he wanted to marry me from the very start. He mentioned a looking at rings once a couple yrs ago...and I didn't care about jewelry much so I was like I don't want a ring u can buy me a car. haha...lol. But, thank God he's more mature than me...and I guess w/age different things become important to you...now that I have a ring is does mean A LOT to me. Esp when everyone...even random people...grocery store...work...ect congratulate me. It feels real. I don't know otherwise I prob wouldn't feel that FH REALLY wants this. *note I don't think the money matters you can have a nice band (or sometimes a hand-me-down/antique!) that doesn't cost much...it just reminds you of how much FH wants YOU! =)
sr081906
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
I got engaged AND got married (1st wedding) without a ring.
Munchkn16
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Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by Bride 2 Be
I don't think you need a ring to say your engaged..if your in love thats what matters, not a stupid materialistic thing...
Definitely agree. I know a number of married women that don't wear their e-rings or wedding bands (for different reasons). Are they less engaged or married than we are?
sarahthegreat
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
personally, i would not feel it was official w/o the ring. people can do what they want, this is just me.
and the long drawn out story as to why you don't have a ring, are not necessary. if you are comfortable in your situation, then you should not have to explain yourself to anybody.
rojerono
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by sarahthegreat
personally, i would not feel it was official w/o the ring. people can do what they want, this is just me.
and the long drawn out story as to why you don't have a ring, are not necessary. if you are comfortable in your situation, then you should not have to explain yourself to anybody.
There is a bit of a contradiction in your answer. I mean - your opinion is that it isn't official without the ring. And that is fine. But then you go on to say that explanations are not necessary for not having a ring.
I promise you that I am not looking for anyone's approval and I don't feel that I am 'explaining' myself. I didn't get the feeling that any of the other bride's who decided to share their 'ring free' stories were doing that either. I enjoy seeing people give context to their answers. And I like to give some substance to my answers because I am long winded and like to type.
sarahthegreat
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
yep, it kind of makes no sense.
everyone is different and if you don't 'need' a ring to be engaged then fine.
i'm not sure what i'm trying to say here.
its the PG hormones making me batty.
and after i posted my post i realized that my mom never got a ring and my parents are married over 30 years. so a ring really does not mean anything.
i don't think my engagement was official without a ring, but thats me.
rojerono
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by sarahthegreat
its the PG hormones making me batty.
QUOTE]
AHHH HAAAAAAAA
Your PREGNANT. That explains EVERYTHING.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!
sarahthegreat
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
Posted by rojerono
Posted by sarahthegreat
its the PG hormones making me batty.
QUOTE]
AHHH HAAAAAAAA
Your PREGNANT. That explains EVERYTHING.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!
thanks!!
superkat
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
My husband proposed to me before he had the ring because he wanted me to pick out what I wanted. We were engaged for several weeks before we got the ring. Having a ring doesn't mean anything. It is a nice token but it isn't a requirement.
Chanwich
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
My best friend got engaged last summer and was planning on buying his girlfriend a ring, but when she found out about it, she completely vetoed the ring. She said that she would much rather have him put the money towards buying their condo (which they did) than have a ring. She says she has had some really snobby people ask her about her ring, and when she says that she didn't want one, they look at her like she's got three heads. But she's done all of her planning without one and she just doensn't let it bother her. If people ask she just explains their situation and most people understand. I think we've just becomed so conditioned that the minute we hear someone is engaged we ask to see the ring. Its just habit, but I think that if someone doesn't have one that they should still be taken seriously since they do consider themselves engaged.
sr081906
Posted:
Member since
Re: Engaged or not? (with poll)
SO.. like somebody said, how do you measure commitment?
Is a $5 ring enough or do you have to get an expensive ring to show your commitment? But then, what is expensive? $5K $10K? Does a $500 ring show less commitment than a $10K? Afterall, this is becoming a financial investment.
A ring does not mean you are going to get married. Things happened. We have seen a few brides here NOT getting married, cancelling their wedding. Yet, they had a ring.
While this is a 'tradition', it does not guarantee someone is serious and committed to you. We have all met engaged couples with a BIG ring, and there is cheating going on.
Unless you MUST feel the need to justify to society that by having a ring you 'become' someone ore we are 'more serious', those are totally irrelevant to love and commitment.
On those principles, how much should a wedding cost to really mean this is a wedding? Do you have get married in church? How many guests should you have?
