Engaged or not? (with poll)

I don't think that anyone has said they felt their engagement rings were 'horrible.' I think what a lot of the responses are trying to express is that there is a LOT of emphasis placed on engagment rings which have little significance when juxtaposed with the concept of marriage-a lifelong commitment.

I LOVE my ring. I don't feel materialistic by loving it either. I know my FH worked hard for it and wants me to wear it. He knows that I would spend the rest of my life with him without the ring. That's what matters.

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Posted by Snickers76

I don't think that anyone has said they felt their engagement rings were 'horrible.' I think what a lot of the responses are trying to express is that there is a LOT of emphasis placed on engagment rings which have little significance when juxtaposed with the concept of marriage-a lifelong commitment.

I LOVE my ring. I don't feel materialistic by loving it either. I know my FH worked hard for it and wants me to wear it. He knows that I would spend the rest of my life with him without the ring. That's what matters.

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Thanks for clarifying I just was getting this odd vibe from the posts like we weren't supposed to like our rings or be proud of them. Of course, I understand that marriage is so much more important than the ring. But the ring made me happy too! I guess i just never saw rings as being 'materialistic'.

Sorry about the word 'horrible' i exaggerate - A LOT!

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Posted by Kara and Todd

The results of this poll, some of the responses on here, and the fact that this topic was even brought up kind of disappoints me.

I mean, she's your bridesmaid, so I assume she's a close friend... Why would you even ask this? She said she's engaged - believe her and be happy for her.

I happen to have a very expensive engagement ring. I'd also marry my FH tomorrow if he couldn't have afforded to buy it for me. It's lovely, but it in NO way defines our relationship.

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You obviously did not read my responses thoroughly enough before responding to this thread where I did say I was happy for her . . . otherwise you would have realized it was my FH and his best man who made the original statement

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Posted by nifheim

engaged... i had my ring but it didn't fit and i had to wait a month does that mean i was not engaged for that entire month? NO that is stupid to think that. I know how many people who were 'engaged' for 10 years and never had plans to get married honestly in my mind those people are not engaged they are partners and that is the real title because engaged to me means i plan to marry you with in a reasonable amount of time.

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Jen... this is exactly what i was trying to say before. My friend has had a ring for so long but her fiance wont marry her.... so what its better because she has a ring.... lol you made much more sense in your post than i did in mine

I think that a ring is a symbol like so many people have said and it does not have to be extravagant in order for it to be meaningful. If you love someone you don't need a diamond to express that BUT I think it means something if a guy saves up or sacrifices or spends his money to get you a ring. I have a ring and it would not have mattered either way but the fact that I know he saved up and researched diamonds and considered my taste in jewerly makes me feel good. It really is a 'symbol' and my ring makes me feel good, it reminds me that my fiancee loves me, it makes me feel special and it has nothing to do with the cost of the ring but what the ring itself represents. My FH and I have been together for 10 years and I've known him since we were 11 (I am 28). He asked me to marry him when we were 19. I always knew we were going to get married but he still asked my dad for my hand in marriage and proposed on one knee and all that good stuff and he didn't have to because I had already accepted 10 years ago... I think your FH has a male instinct about what this guys intentions are because he is a guy himself. Men know men... there are always acceptions but I know a whoooooole lot of men who 'shut girls up' with promises of marriage..

JMO

ant n tilde, that is the sweetest story!!!!

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Posted by 2Be1

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Posted by Kara and Todd

The results of this poll, some of the responses on here, and the fact that this topic was even brought up kind of disappoints me.

I mean, she's your bridesmaid, so I assume she's a close friend... Why would you even ask this? She said she's engaged - believe her and be happy for her.

I happen to have a very expensive engagement ring. I'd also marry my FH tomorrow if he couldn't have afforded to buy it for me. It's lovely, but it in NO way defines our relationship.

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You obviously did not read my responses thoroughly enough before responding to this thread where I did say I was happy for her . . . otherwise you would have realized it was my FH and his best man who made the original statement

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You obviously missed the point of my post. Sorry if you were offended.

My point was why even make this a topic on a public BB. I would just be happy for her and leave it at that. I have so many friends who talk behind each other's backs and it drives me nuts.

Yes, I think it's an interesting discussion - but I would just say I'm happy for her and leave it... I just wouldn't even think that much about it.

We can agree to disagree. I'm not attacking you. I'm stating my opinion - a lot of people happen to disagree with me, and that's fiiiiine. Makes life interesting.

Seriously, though, I'm sorry if you were offended. I didn't mean it that way.

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Posted by portjeffbride

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Posted by Snickers76

Then came all of the questions:

'You're getting married? Congratulations! Where's the ring?'

'How many Carats is it?'

'Where is it from?'

And from another bride at work: 'I know my diamond is GOOD...do you have the paperwork for your diamond?'

'What grade is the diamond?'

And on and on...nobody ever asked about that special moment...that connection...the love...the desire to spend our lifes together...unless you consider people asking 'How did he propose?' under that category.

So, this thread brings up a lot of issues and questions...they're all valid.

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that's sooo true... you're engaged! (grab hand / analyze stone) my aunt said 'is that white gold or platinum?' I just looked at her like When I told her, I could tell she was comparing her ring to mine in her head....

and that's what society has come to!

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Exactly the point is whenever someone tells anyone they are engaged the FIRST thing people ask is 'where is the ring' or 'lets see the ring' in fact I had someone do this to me just yesterday at FH's job . . . oh lets see the ring they said and then proceeded to hold my hand up to the light and move my hand around, the whole time I am looking at this person like

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by 2Be1

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Posted by Kara and Todd

The results of this poll, some of the responses on here, and the fact that this topic was even brought up kind of disappoints me.

I mean, she's your bridesmaid, so I assume she's a close friend... Why would you even ask this? She said she's engaged - believe her and be happy for her.

I happen to have a very expensive engagement ring. I'd also marry my FH tomorrow if he couldn't have afforded to buy it for me. It's lovely, but it in NO way defines our relationship.

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You obviously did not read my responses thoroughly enough before responding to this thread where I did say I was happy for her . . . otherwise you would have realized it was my FH and his best man who made the original statement

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You obviously missed the point of my post. Sorry if you were offended.

My point was why even make this a topic on a public BB. I would just be happy for her and leave it at that. I have so many friends who talk behind each other's backs and it drives me nuts.

Yes, I think it's an interesting discussion - but I would just say I'm happy for her and leave it... I just wouldn't even think that much about it.

We can agree to disagree. I'm not attacking you. I'm stating my opinion - a lot of people happen to disagree with me, and that's fiiiiine. Makes life interesting.

Seriously, though, I'm sorry if you were offended. I didn't mean it that way.

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Its cool I just found it really interesting that it was men making these comments, as I would expect it more coming from women. So I posted it because I wanted to see what the average bride thought about it, not because I wanted to be catty or malicious and cause a big uproar.

I feel you can be engaged with out a ring....

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Posted by snowcat

IMO the ring is a very important symbol of the engagement. If she doesn't have one, but they start planning the wedding-set the date, book a ceremony, etc- i personally would feel as though they're engaged, again this is just my opinion- if that happened to me and we didn't start planning the wedding- I would probably feel like FH was stalling.

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that was the way it was for us....no ring but we were hall shopping, photographer shopping, etc. some family were a little skeptic about our being engaged...most knew that we knew what we were doing. in my eyes we were engaged because we discussed it and knew we wanted to get married and set an actual date. but he was saving $$ for a ring that he wanted to get for me. (even though it wasn't important to me)

a friend of mine was engaged to her 'baby's daddy' for TWELVE years, and had an e-ring and everything....trust me when i say they were never truly 'engaged'...he just gave her the ring to shut her up and they never set a date. (btw--they finally broke up last year)

The ring doesn't actually matter. However, I don't think not having enough money is actually an excuse. You could buy a cheaper ring with no diamond.

My FH asked me to marry him in Italy about 8 months before our 'official' engagement. I don't even like jewelry much and didn't think it was necessary but the engagement didn't feel real until after I got the ring. No one took the engagement seriously before I got the ring either.

When he originally asked me and I told a few friends, I got the same reaction that the poster is giving to her BM. It made me feel bad and I stopped telling people I was going to get married bc the first thing they would do is look at my bare ring finger.

I don't think the ring makes an engagement official or not. Unfortunately American society considers the ring a symbol of engagement.