Like Sonicstef, my husband asked me, and then we informed my parents together. He did not like the idea of asking for their permission or blessing. He thought that would lessen the significance of it being my decision. Plus, he thought I should be the first to know.
To each his/her own. If he is traditional, and wants to discuss with your parents, then he should. This is a bit strange though since he already asked you. Most of these other stories are the groom asking the parents before asking the bride. There is no rule though in my opinion.
michele31
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Re: Etiquette question
Welcome!!! In all honesty, the only person my husband needed to ask was me. I was 31 and have been out of the house since college. We shared the good news with my parents. BUT if your parents are married and you want to have their blessing, I would have both parents asked, not just one.
cw0904
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Re: Etiquette question
First off Welcome!! Don't feel shy posting before you have been engaged-I wasn't!
My FH asked my Dad only. My mom is not very close to FH but my dad is. It is customary for my family to have an engagement blessed this way. Plus my Dad would have been really hurt if he didn't. I already knew about the engagement. I was just waiting for him to talk to my Dad and the ring to be made.
He should do what he feels most comfortable doing. But would your father be offended if he didn't ask him for your hand in marriage?
Marcela1654
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Re: Etiquette question
Hi and Welcome!!
My FH asked my Dad first because my Dad made the ring. Then he asked my mom. I had absolutely no clue it was coming.
I agree with CW, your FH should do what he feels more comfortable doing.
NYCMeghan
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Re: Etiquette question
We are both 'old' enough to do this without our parent's involvement, however we both come from very traditional familes. Added to that I'm an only child (and a total daddy's little girl!). FH is very inflexible on the idea of asking for my parent's 'blessing' - he feels that it is a required measure of respect, and while ultimately we will do what we want, he still feels it is important to acknowledge the practice of asking for my father's blessing. And I think my Dad would be really hurt if he wasn't asked in a traditional sense. Plus FH doesn't want my mom to have something to hold over his head - I guess my concern is if she will even if FH just asks my dad alone. But I think maybe he should bite the bullet and ask both - I'm just not sure...
Fletch
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Re: Etiquette question
Welcome!
My FH didn't ask my Dad. They are very close considering my family and I have known FH since we were 5, but I think the main reason he didn’t do it was b/c when my brother-in-law asked my Dad for my sisters hand in marriage - my Dad's response was why are you asking me. Ask her, it’s her decision - she is the one who has to live with you. It was a very funny moment but FH knew that he would have the same response for him. Credit to my Dad for saying it is our decision.
NYCMeghan
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Re: Etiquette question
Fletch, I think my Dad might have the same reaction, whereas I'm not sure about my mom. She is very old-fashioned about these things. I think I'm just going to tell him to do what he feels most comfortable....thanks to everyone!! I am totally hooked!!
regina2
Posted:
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Re: Etiquette question
I think he should ask both you Mom and Dad. This way they will both feel apart of your big day. It will probably also give your FI extra points with your mom that he included her.
If he is really worried about your mom, perhaps when he goes to speak to your parents he could also bring some flowers for her. He can present them to her before he asks for your hand. How can someone say NO to someone who just presented flowers to them.
Then have him run out to the car for the wine...then he can get them drunk.
balilove
Posted:
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Re: Etiquette question
I think it would be better if both your parents are there when he asks for the blessing. Since you FH and father are close your dad will keep your Mom in line. In my case, both parents were asked, then a gift was sent to my parents and my immediate family members, then the official ring came. This was in the traditional Asian style, FH is Asian I am not but, he held to the tradition as much as he could. He skipped the live animals though and my parents and family were so taken with it all.
BTW, I think your FH is really asking for the blessing not permission. The suit is optional, clothes are mandatory. The wine idea, if your parents drink is nice.LOL and welcome to the board
