Ever feel like no one cares. . .?

FH tunes out no matter what I say about the wedding....he just acts like he cant be bothered. I'm cutting him some slack because he has been having bad anxiety attacks since his dad and my grandfather passed away. He is terrified that he is going to die and is convinced he's going to suddenly get cancer and die. Seriously, he has had a litle bit of a cough and is convinced its a symptom of cancer. I'm worried about him, but he shuns me when I try to talk to him about it and refuses to go to the doctor because 'they might find something' and says that a psychologist will just tell him he isn't going to die-- when he knows that eventually he will. I've tried to explain that his thoughts are not normal and he needs to talk to someone, but he won't hear of it. Meanwhile, he never mentions the wedding, and I'm on my own with planning. (BTW: I've asked him if he is anxious bout getting married, or the wedding itseld and he tells me to 'cut it out and stop being dumb-- its got nothing to do with the wedding or marrying you'

Then there's my mother...who came dress shopping with me once, then said to let her know when I find something. I took her to see the demetrios, and bought her lunch and she complained that I shouldn't have made her go all the way to Smith Haven Mall if I wasn't POSITIVE that this was my dress.

I took her to see the Bonny, which was 5 minutes away, and we both agreed we didn't like.

I called her the other night to tell her I found THE ONE and she said 'Oh the one for the week you mean.' She was a real downer.

I want her to come see it and help me choose between it and the cheaper Demetrios, but she informed my sister that she's not going to go see it unless I find it closer. There are 3 stores on LI that carry the dress- Commack, Patchogue and Baldwin. I live in Lindenhurst, they are all a bit of a drive. She just doesn't care...she bought 1 of my favors right away and started making my place cards, and thats it, she's done. I was talking to her friends one night when I joined them for dinner about photographers and how I don't want just generic posed photos and she said 'See what I have to deal with? Just wait-- you all have daughters. This is a Bridezilla.'

My sister has come with me to most of the dress appointments, but I have to bribe her saying that I'll buy her dinner.

My friends always have an excuse as to why they can't go here or there with me.

FHs mom works 3 jobs and has only asked about the wedding ONCE. FHs sister always says she'll come with me, but I'm just not close with her yet and I feel awkward.

I'm sorry- I know theres no solution. I'm just feeling down and FH is moody and miserable and my mom's being a b*tch. I just want this to be a fun happy thing, and doing it alone isn't fun or happy.

VENT OVER!

Hang in there

Get that FH to the doctor

Sorry you are feeling down. Tell fh to suck it up be a man and go to the doctor. Doesn't he realize that most people who die of cance die because they didn't get to the doctor early enough. Early diagnosis is the key to surviving if his fears do come true. Any good pychologist is going to treat the anxiety not tell him its nothing and to stop acting like a baby.
As for your mom patchogue is not that far away. I live in babylon and my dress is from Patchogue. This is her daughters wedding she should be happy. I say go with Fsil you may not be close now but this may help in making you two closer. She wants to help you let her. good luck

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Posted by kdecamp

Hang in there

Get that FH to the doctor

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I agree with kdecamp

Im sorry... i know its alot, i think we're all going through the same situations... Just try to take it one day at a time and remember what the wedding day is about

Thanks girls. Fh seemed a bit better last night...I think I'll give him a few more days then if he's not getting any better, DRAG him to a doctor. I know what its like to have irrational thought patterns and anxiety so I feel for him, but when I went through it (it was the opposite for me--I had this irrational fear that everyone around me was going to die...it was scary and weird), I went to doctors and therapists until I found one that helped me, and I'm proud to say that I am 100% better than I used to be.

I just want my old FH back-- the happy relaxed FH that I became engaged to!! I think this is his way of dealing with his grief..but its not healthy!

Anyway, I'm going to force my mother to go to patchogue with me, and then FSIL can take over from there. My mother can join in when she wants, but I'm not going to beg.

I'm just glad I have people here who understand my frustrations and don't think I'm BRIDEZILLA!! LOL

Sorry to hear all this!!!!! Honestly as much as you want your mom there with you.....Just DON'T TAKE her anymore!!!! Get your dress and let her see it the day of the wedding!!!! That way you don't have to hear her complain anymore!!!! Don't let these people get you down! Your day will be great! I know it stinks to plan all by yourself (I'm speaking from experience) but yo'll see once it's over you'll be glag you were able to plan everything!!! Hang in there!!!
XOXOXO
Kitty

No one helps me out either, and my BP kind of ***** the big one :) But hang in there and I agree, I would make him a dr's appt. behind his back and tell him he has to go

Feel better girl!

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Posted by kahlua716

Thanks girls. Fh seemed a bit better last night...I think I'll give him a few more days then if he's not getting any better, DRAG him to a doctor. I know what its like to have irrational thought patterns and anxiety so I feel for him, but when I went through it (it was the opposite for me--I had this irrational fear that everyone around me was going to die...it was scary and weird), I went to doctors and therapists until I found one that helped me, and I'm proud to say that I am 100% better than I used to be.

I just want my old FH back-- the happy relaxed FH that I became engaged to!! I think this is his way of dealing with his grief..but its not healthy!

Anyway, I'm going to force my mother to go to patchogue with me, and then FSIL can take over from there. My mother can join in when she wants, but I'm not going to beg.

I'm just glad I have people here who understand my frustrations and don't think I'm BRIDEZILLA!! LOL

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See we can understand but they cannot it they are not planning the biggest day in there lives, thank god for vent boardss like this.

Poor FH he needs some zanax

I am the 3rd one of my sisters to get married and I told my mom that she is jaded sometimes with the whole process of things- especially with my dress experience. I fell in love with my dress and knew it was the one and she was like oh I like it. I just wanted more from her, but I guess she just isn't that type of person. She is a fantastic mother though- I just know how you feel when someone doesn't share your excitement and enthusiasm with wedding stuff. I hope things get better.

I feel SO bad for you. you sound SO sad. My FH will never go to the doctor and every time I ask him a question about the wedding or anything I always get the same old answer 'what ever you want, if you like it'. But your mom I am surprised. Sorry

Why not take a good friend for the dress shopping? Maybe the MOH, or a bridesmaid? Someone with similar tastes to you....

As for the rest of the wedding planning, I'm pretty sure no one cares but the bride. I hate to say it, but I'm realizing its a common experience.

Everyone asks 'hows planning going' to be polite.. they check-in once every 4-6 weeks, and that's it. But, then again, it's only a momentous occassion in the couple's lives, not everyone else.

As for FH, he's a guy. Wedding planning is too girly for most FH's to really get involved. I'd be MUCH more concerned about his psychological state after losing his father and grandfather. Do you think he would be against seeking psychological counseling? He sounds like he could be on the cusp of some severe longterm stress disorder, which could even make him physically ill. The wedding is just a party.... this could majorly affect him in the long term if it's not addressed very soon... maybe you should take a temporary planning break and focus on emotionally supporting him?

My situation is lacking the emotional trauma that your FH had to unfortunately endure. However, there has been just about as much input from my friends, family and FH as you experienced. I forced my mom to get her dress, and I force FH to attend each vendor appointment. Other than that, it's all up to me. I even selected my dress with the only input being my mom and a few friends looking at it online.
I hope things improve for you!!!

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Posted by portjeffbride
Do you think he would be against seeking psychological counseling? He sounds like he could be on the cusp of some severe longterm stress disorder, which could even make him physically ill. The wedding is just a party.... this could majorly affect him in the long term if it's not addressed very soon... maybe you should take a temporary planning break and focus on emotionally supporting him?

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I have suggested seeing a psychologist, a priest, a doctor anyone, but he resists and basically pushes me away. I tried to cuddle up in bed with him the other night and he said 'Don't get mad but that's not comfortable-- I need more room to breathe.' So, I am concerned, and ask him every day and he gets angry and tells me not to talk about it because it makes it worse.

He seemed to be in a better mood last night,and even put his arms around me when he came to bed. Maybe he just needs time.

I guess time will tell...

As for putting wedding planning on hold- unless he wants to postpone or cancel the wedding- which he insists he doesn't, things have to get done and someone has to do it. I feel like it would take his mind off things to be more involved, but right now bringing that up would just make him mad.

I think he's stressing over the FDNY test he's taking on Saturday too...maybe once that's over he'll relax a bit.

I'm so sorry you're going through this.... that sounds really rough, especially at a time that is supposed to be pure happines....

You sound like a strong woman, so just try to keep your chin up, and keep doing what you're already doing.... things will improve eventually..

we're all here for you!!!!

i definately agree with yoU!!...

p.s- no one said wedding planning was easy

I'm so sorry!!!

I agree with everyone to tell FH to get over it and see a doc!

Also- your gown isn't that far. Not at all! My gown is in NJ.... don't ask! You don't need to be surrounded by so much negativity. This is supposed to be fun!

Feel better hun .... we're always here and happy to help!