Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Original post by happytobeabride

Sep 20, 2005 10:39 AM

And out of town guests feel that it is more appropriate to give a gift?
My FH and I have debated this one. He feels that it is up to the guests to decide. Although, he is very right and that truly is not what the day is about, honestly, I expect to receive most of the essential gifts at my shower. I do not want to be adding items on to the registry just because. Although, I appreciate generosity in ANY form, a Lennox vase will not help us put a down payment on a house.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Sep 20, 2005 11:57 AM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

NY'ers don't always give money. we got a gift sent to us last week from NYers. It was from our registry, so we were happy!

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Sep 20, 2005 11:58 AM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by happytobeabride

Is there any tactful way to suggest, without offending anyone?

nope

mendara Posted: Sep 20, 2005 12:24 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by mooncusp22

It is totally a regional thing... I live in FL but am from LI... I also post on the knot boards & asked a question on my local FL board about something to do with gifts. I posted the NY rule of thumb of 'covering your plate'---I got bashed for it!! People saying that checks are so inpersonal...and the wedding is not about how much money your get back, etc etc..... You NYer's are the only ones who understnad

my fh and I were talking about th is too - it seemed to us like a cultural thing - an Italian and Spanish thing to give money as gifts - because all of the people who are NOT Spanish or Italian who are coming to our wedding asked us 'Where are you registered?' - which we found strange because we only registered for the shower not the wedding. ---- hmm - some of which live in New York - it was very interesting to me - because I have never been to a wedding where anyone brought a gift instead of an envelop of money - then again I have mostly been to Italian and Spanish weddings - but maybe it is a regional thing -

mendara Posted: Sep 20, 2005 12:27 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by coxmandi

Posted by happytobeabride

Is there any tactful way to suggest, without offending anyone?

Weddings DO NOT = FUNDRASIER for the bride and groom. Don't suggest to your guests that is what you want. Be gracious, take what you get and be happy you had a day surrounded by your friends and family.

don't think you can do that - just be happy for what yo u get

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Sep 20, 2005 12:40 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by dleeny

NY'ers don't always give money. we got a gift sent to us last week from NYers. It was from our registry, so we were happy!

I think saying its a NY thing is too general... its a downstate NY thing.

shamrock12472 Posted: Sep 20, 2005 01:48 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

The gift of money is definitely more prominant in the Tri state area. Some people feel that giving money is very impersonal and wouldn't do such a thing. Don't be surprised when people give you gifts that don't 'cover their plates' because the cost of a reception at a hall is astonomical. Most couples aren't going to give enough money to cover their plates.

aliwnec10 Posted: Sep 20, 2005 01:51 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

I do know that most out of towners prefer to buy a gift for the wedding because to give money, it would break the bank because they are already spending money to come to the wedding. Me personally, i wouldn't expect much from my OOT guests because of this reason. I mean think about how much they're already spending on hotel rooms, gas, etc.

mccarm Posted: Sep 20, 2005 02:20 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by coxmandi

Posted by mccarm

Some people are determined to give you random crap - maybe they think they know you better than you know yourself!

As long as it comes with a gift receipt, I guess I'll manage... Here's hoping for no DIY gifts!

DIY gifts can be amazingly personal and wonderful. Recently married friends loved some personal DIY gifts. They got photo albums, scrapbooks, and a DVD with videos that their videographer wouldn't have captured.

Sorry that my dry wit doesn't come across in message board postings! I was being a bit sarcastic above and agree that DIY gifts can be the most meaningful.

Case in point - a hand-knit hat from my future Grandmother in law who is not knitting anymore because of health reasons. That is something irreplaceable that my daughter will wear one day and I wouldn't trade it for $$.

ColleenMc Posted: Sep 20, 2005 08:07 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Oh NO! My FH is from Mass...I'm hoping his side of the family will bring $...That's what we need!

Mrs. dleeny Posted: Sep 20, 2005 08:22 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by shamrock12472

The gift of money is definitely more prominant in the Tri state area. Some people feel that giving money is very impersonal and wouldn't do such a thing. Don't be surprised when people give you gifts that don't 'cover their plates' because the cost of a reception at a hall is astonomical. Most couples aren't going to give enough money to cover their plates.

aint that the truth! FH's friend and wife sent us a $70 gift from the registry. yea, that will cover 2 plates. lol

but, they're spending about $1,000 flying here and staying at a hotel for 3 nights. and he'll be part of FH's bachelor party.

it's nice of them to come.

SFP0214 Posted: Sep 20, 2005 09:18 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Dh is from down south and it is considered down right insulting to give money. They consider it impersonal and that you gave NO thought to your gift. Plus From out of state, They will not cover the plate. So don't even expect. We literally got 15$ gifts from guests that were not coming. (A few distant relatives sent cash. I guess because nothing on the registry was 15$ and there was no fortunoff down south)

Soon2BeMrsS Posted: Sep 20, 2005 09:23 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by happytobeabride

Forgot to mention that FH never heard of the term 'covering the cost of your plate' in regards to gifts.

isn't it standard to double a plate amount pp for a gift?

brooklynbridezilla Posted: Sep 20, 2005 09:53 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by Soon2BeMrs.S

Posted by happytobeabride

Forgot to mention that FH never heard of the term 'covering the cost of your plate' in regards to gifts.

isn't it standard to double a plate amount pp for a gift?

no, definitely not a standard.

i would say it depends on your culture, your area and the financial situation of your guests. there is no accurate formula for predicting what your guests will give you.

DanaMZ Posted: Sep 20, 2005 10:17 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Posted by Soon2BeMrs.S

Posted by happytobeabride

Forgot to mention that FH never heard of the term 'covering the cost of your plate' in regards to gifts.

isn't it standard to double a plate amount pp for a gift?

OMG...I have never heard of that (double??). I know amongst my family and friends, we try to at least cover the cost of our plate pp....but not everyone can do that......ESPECIALLY with the outrageous prices we are paying today!

I know that many of my guests will not be able to 'cover their plates', but that is not what we are having the wedding for. We chose the place that we did because we loved it...our guests did not tell us to have such an elaborate wedding.

marymoon Posted: Sep 20, 2005 11:18 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

it's definitely a regional thing. We went toa wedding in DC, but most of the family was from NY and one lady was carrying a gift and was like freaking out b/c no one else was carrying gifts (everyone had envelopes), and she was wondering if she brought the gift at the wrong time. it didn't evewn occur to her that most peple brought envelopes, or would it ever occur to me to give a non-$$$ gift for a weddin

Goldi1021 Posted: Sep 20, 2005 11:19 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

Think about this ladies. Only in the NY Area (including Jersey and Ct.) could a wedding cost SO much that a bride and groom would NEED a monetary gift to break even on weddign expenses not to mention come out ahead to invest in their future. Even if out of town guests followed that unwritten 'rule', the cost of weddings elsewhere are differentand thus so would their gift giving practices. I remember watching the Katie Couric Special when she intrview Jennifer Wilbanks - the Runaway Bride. Her 600 person wedding was supposed to cost $50,000. NOT IN NY. In Georgia.

Wintersbride Posted: Sep 20, 2005 11:26 PM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

I would rather my guests be 'inpersonal' and write a check, sorry. Not that I wouldn't appreciate any act of kindness and it's the thought that counts...yadda, yadda. But lets face it...what does a new couple need more: 5 blenders or money? That's so horrible of me, isn't it? I just think that most of today's couples live together anyway and have most of the stuff they will need. I know we are going to be in an apartment and probably won't have room for anything else.

waterspout4 Posted: Sep 21, 2005 01:07 AM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

It is a regional thing. I come from Rochester and even there it is more likely to be a gift. However, gifts are not supposed to be brought to a wedding anyway. They are to be shipped beforehand because the bride and groom have no place to put gifts on their wedding night.

We both lived on our own for many years before moving in together, so we have most of the essentials. We registered for upgrades and plan on giving our old ones to charity. It is scary though that we have no room already for the engagement gifts in our apartment. What are we going to do with 5 crystal vases? (That's what my brother got, and they weren't on the registry)

I wish Miss Manners would allow us to say we are registered at the bank. When you're 30, have the essentials and are drowning in college debt, you pray for that.

nygirl77 Posted: Sep 21, 2005 01:27 AM

Re: Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

That's all I EVER give. Especially since you already bought a 'gift' for the bridal shower. I definitely try to pay for my plate! My mom's boss said that these days she's giving $150 per plate! I am totally inviting her to my wedding!!!