Ever notice that New Yorkers are most likely to give money for gifts?

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Posted by SFP0214

Dh is from down south and it is considered down right insulting to give money. They consider it impersonal and that you gave NO thought to your gift. Plus From out of state, They will not cover the plate. So don't even expect. We literally got 15$ gifts from guests that were not coming. (A few distant relatives sent cash. I guess because nothing on the registry was 15$ and there was no fortunoff down south)

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MY fiancee has relatives from Alabama, so we did a very limited registry at Target just for this reason...

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Posted by DanaMZ

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Posted by Soon2BeMrs.S

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Posted by happytobeabride

Forgot to mention that FH never heard of the term 'covering the cost of your plate' in regards to gifts.

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isn't it standard to double a plate amount pp for a gift?

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OMG...I have never heard of that (double??). I know amongst my family and friends, we try to at least cover the cost of our plate pp....but not everyone can do that......ESPECIALLY with the outrageous prices we are paying today!

I know that many of my guests will not be able to 'cover their plates', but that is not
what we are having the wedding for. We chose the place that we did because we loved it...our guests did not tell us to have such an elaborate wedding.

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I'm with you all the way on this. Here in England I've never heard of 'covering your plate' and it's horrible to think one is invited to a wedding just to give the couple cash.

I don't know why it is, or how it started, but in NYC and NJ and LI, it's customary to 'cover your plate'. It's what my family and all of my friends have always done.

I'm from LI, but spent almost 10 years in Virginia from age 18-28 in college and grad school.... (most of independent adult life to that point). So, to be honest, I do sort of find the idea of 'covering your plate' to be offensive. It's up to you, not the guests, where you choose to have your wedding. Why should they have to 'cover' more if you choose a more expensive place? My fh and I are always very generous with gifts, but again, that's our choice. We dont' feel obligated.

Gifts are icing on the cake. They are extra, not required.

Giving $$ really does seem to be a LI/NY/NJ thing, and really great and really practical and we're thankful for each gift. But....it's our choice to throw the kind of wedding we want, our guests are not obigated to do anything but ENJOY!

This is getting kind of heated...

I just wanted to point out that I don't really think that people on here said that their guests were obligated to give them money or a certain amount. I think the discussion started about the fact that it seems to be a custom in the ny region to give money and to give an amount that covers the plate.

I will have guests that will not do that and of course, I still want them there! If I didnt', I wouldn't invite them.

While I don't think you can specifically ask for cash, I don't think there is anything wrong with someone saying on this board that that is what they'd prefer. It doesn't mean that they view their wedding as a fundraiser -- they just have some need for it whether it be wanting to save for a down payment for a house, pay off school debt, etc... It's really no different than me saying that I really hope I get the dishes I registered for!

JMHO

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Posted by SFP0214

Dh is from down south and it is considered down right insulting to give money. They consider it impersonal and that you gave NO thought to your gift. Plus From out of state, They will not cover the plate. So don't even expect. We literally got 15$ gifts from guests that were not coming. (A few distant relatives sent cash. I guess because nothing on the registry was 15$ and there was no fortunoff down south)

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well, if they're buying you something from the registry, isn't that impersonal too since they didn't come up with it on their own? we've received registry gifts from FH's friends in TX.

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Posted by malbert

This is getting kind of heated...

I just wanted to point out that I don't really think that people on here said that their guests were obligated to give them money or a certain amount. I think the discussion started about the fact that it seems to be a custom in the ny region to give money and to give an amount that covers the plate.

I will have guests that will not do that and of course, I still want them there! If I didnt', I wouldn't invite them.

While I don't think you can specifically ask for cash, I don't think there is anything wrong with someone saying on this board that that is what they'd prefer. It doesn't mean that they view their wedding as a fundraiser -- they just have some need for it whether it be wanting to save for a down payment for a house, pay off school debt, etc... It's really no different than me saying that I really hope I get the dishes I registered for!

JMHO

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I couldn't agree more!!!

Thank you Malbert! You did an awesome job of summing up what I intended for this post to be about.

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Posted by nylibride

I'm from LI, but spent almost 10 years in Virginia from age 18-28 in college and grad school.... (most of independent adult life to that point). So, to be honest, I do sort of find the idea of 'covering your plate' to be offensive. It's up to you, not the guests, where you choose to have your wedding. Why should they have to 'cover' more if you choose a more expensive place? My fh and I are always very generous with gifts, but again, that's our choice. We dont' feel obligated.

Gifts are icing on the cake. They are extra, not required.

Giving $$ really does seem to be a LI/NY/NJ thing, and really great and really practical and we're thankful for each gift. But....it's our choice to throw the kind of wedding we want, our guests are not obigated to do anything but ENJOY!

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sorry but this statement right here does not fly with me:

Gifts are icing on the cake. They are extra, not required.

If you are invited to a wedding where you can eat and drink until you turn blue in the face - you should bring a gift - no matter how small or large - money or no money - you should not walk in with empty hands and actually believe that you being there is a gift on it's own - and that your gift is just icing on the cake -

not cool

I agree Mendara.
It would be bad taste to walk into any 'party' without bringing anything.


BYW: I think New York City/ LI know especially how expensive weddings are here so they rather give money.

I think that is most true for LI - probably cause they know how much LI costs (and how much LI weddings cost!)

I really appreciate the thought behind gifts, but I do love to receive $$$ (and put it to good use!)

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Posted by PeterNChris

I agree Mendara.
It would be bad taste to walk into any 'party' without bringing anything.

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Ditto. I wouldn't show up to a Superbowl Party empty handed. Why should a wedding be different?

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Posted by happytobeabride

Is there any tactful way to suggest, without offending anyone?

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I guess you could put dollar signs on your invitation. JK

The only way I think is to have family members (and like super close friends) spread the word that you would like $$$.

Some people are still going to bring presents, but I think most people know that you spent a lot on this celebration and that Ben Franklin twins, triplets, quadruplets and quints are really appreciated.

Most of our guests (mainly New Yorkers) gave us cash which was much appreciated! Not enough to cover the wedding but glad that most of them gave money in lieu of gifts.