Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
BlazeSyth
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Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
Hi,
I have a sticky situation here.
My sister has 2 autistic children, ages 2 and 3. They have temper tantrums and sometimes can get violent.
Both FI and me decided that we don't want them at the wedding... it's not because their autistic, it's because they're just unruly and are sure to create a spectacle.
My sister is very sensitive, and this will probably start a whole family feud.
Any ideas on the easiest and most effective way of telling her that no kids are allowed?
ps. these are the only kids in the family that would be invited to the wedding.
Thanks in advance.
usuk2004
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
That's very tough...but i think you need to tell her that you're having an adult affair and that NO children are invited. I think it makes it easier that no other children are invited--it makes for a better argument.
What do your parents say? Will they be offended also?
jenny2penny
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
simple....explain to her you are keeping it strictly adults for budget reasons and guest enjoyment.
BlazeSyth
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
My mother has passed, and my father (who i speak to 1x per year) really wouldnt know or care one way or another.
I know this should be simple, but this will probably be blown totally out of proportion.
SReidy
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
Why don't you offer to get them a babysitter for the evening so that THEY can enjoy THEMSELVES?
tourist
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
I'm sorry, A lot of people here have this problem anyway, but I can see how sicne they are autistic your sister could be more sensitive about them being excluded from things.
Maybe you can say ask her if she needs help finding soemoen to watch them, so she can fully enjoy the wedding without having to take care of the kids.Can they come just to the ceremony, or is even that too much for them?
At my uncles wedding, my cousin who was 4 at the time stood on the pew & covered his mother's mouth when she was reciting the Lord's Prayer. odd child. . . and the 2 year old was crying & had to be taken outside by his father.
and my mom was the one that convinced her to brign the kids ( my uncle & his wife did invite all children- I was 10- but my aunt was ify on it, b/c they weren't the most calm children at that age.)
but the reception was outside & in the day, so it was ok later.
BlazeSyth
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
Yes - I will offer babysitter and such - but with the children being 'special' there arent many people suited to take care of them. I'm going to make the mention that maybe she should ask a teacher's aide that works at the special school he goes to, since they deal with that kind of thing all day.
samsbride
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
I see how this could be stressful to discuss but better to discuss it know while there is time. If you wait - it is just going to bother you and if you let it go and allow them to come - it will bother you even more.
Why not try to convince her that she needs a night away and it will be a great excuse to have one night to enjoy herself? I'm sure they are wonderful kids (most autistic kids are extremely loving) but are also a handful. I think most people would understand why it is just too difficult and expensive to include children.
Good luck
(I have a similar problem in that my mom's cousin's are mentally challenged and they are in their 40's. One is very sweet, the other is aggressive. Neither own a suit or really know how to behave but since I haven't seen them in 15 years - I do want them there if they'd like to come. I'm just hoping they are OK during the ceremony.)
lullabella
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
Sorry you have to deal with this. Persoanlly, if I thought it would casuse a HUGE problem I would just let them come. JMO
tourist
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
mayebthat's why she wants to bring them, she there jsut isn't anybod y to watchthem. She must worry about them alot when they aren't with her. The teacher's aide is a good idea. Mayeba nother parent frot eh school has a babysiter they can recomend? its probabaly too much to leave 2 kids with another parent of an autisctic child.
If they do go to your wedding, hopefuly she will know it is her responsibilty to take them outside or home if they are violent or distruptive.
violetfairy
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
I think you need to think really carefully about your sister's feelings... IMHO, this would outweigh any concerns I'd have about creating a 'spectacle.'
Of course, I'm inviting several people with disabilities to my wedding (my bro has Down syndrome, all of his friends have some kind of mental handicap-- and even though they can be 'unruly,' I love them and don't care what kind of spectacle they create!).
MrHostility
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Re: Family Help - how to tell sister I dont want the kids at the wedding?
If you are having a no children wedding, then that's that. Try to break it to her easy, and if she goes off on the 'you don't want them there because they are disabled' or whatever, then so be it. Explain again that NO CHILDREN are coming, and you are not singling them out.
