family situation--thoughts?

i'm interested in hearing your opinions on this from a bride's point of view:

FSIL is getting married in october. it's her 2nd marriage--she's in her forties--and she's having it in boston. some people in the family seem to be miffed that she and her FH, whose family is in and around NYC, chose to drag both families up to boston for this wedding rather than have it around here. she picked a somewhat expensive hotel ($230/night) bc the RH is in the heart of boston and she wanted it to be close by. anyway, immediate family (including my other FSIL and FMIL) are refusing to go to the RD the day before, in part bc FMIL is really stressed in caring for FH's senile grandma and also bc they think the wedding is over the top for a second marriage. on the other hand, this is a first marriage for her FH, so his whole family has supported the wedding 100%, and everyone is going to be there for the RD and the brunch the day after. his family is kinda like why isn't the MOB going to be @ the RD???

when FH presented the situation to me, i told him we need to be @ the RD. honestly, if is sister didn't show up for ours, i would be PISSED. FH had a talk w/ his mom about our feelings on it and how important it is for HER to go too, and she just blew it off, citing FSIL first marriage as a reason. i feel bad for FSIL--she's really upset about all of it.

please be honest.

I agree that for such a CLOSE family member you do have to be at the RD.. I would be miffed if FSIL missed ours...

As much as I love destination weddings.. and I do... there always seems to be people miffed by it.... but it's the bride and grooms day..
So iwould say to make your BEST effort to be there without breaking the bank..

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Posted by pb2161

I'm not quite sure what the question is, but I will tell you this. My FMIL has been known to stand her ground on things like this, she cites all her everyday life responsibilities as reasons to duck out of events. I think that your FSIL and her FH are entitled to the company of their family and friends regardless of how many times they've been married. That being said, the easiest way to get FMIL to go to the RD would be to pretty much get together with your FH and anyone else involved and make the plans, arrange transportation, reserve hotels, etc. By taking the choice away and making it completely stress free for her there little fight she can put up.

HTH... FM me if you need to talk, I can totally relate.

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thanks for the input i guess i just want to know what other brides think of FMIL's and FSIL's stand against going to the RD.

I honestly think they should be going to to RD. It is their sister/daughter and it's still a HUGE day regardless of whether it's her first or fifteenth marriage! While I understand their point that the place it a bit inconvenient it is still family....What if she had chosen to have a destination wedding? I wonder if they would have went at all?
Also, while I know people say second marriages shouldn't be a big deal I really do not agree with that at all. If this woman is in her forties, chances are she knows that this guy is the one and that in itself is really special and huge. I could understand this being an issue if she got married to a different man every other year! After my long rant I still think they should all go to the RD!