family troubles...

update: So i spoke to my mom, and she basically just said get over it and that it would be rude to demote her or kick her out of my BP. I am going to end up miserable for my wedding... I just know it

Do you have a good relationship with you mom?

Not to be rude, but if my mom said that to me I would be pissed. You are HER daughter! Coming from someone who has a medical condition, nobody treats me any differently. My sister is getting married 3 mths after me and her wedding is just as special. My sister also lost her first fiance to the war in Afghanistan a few years back and nobody is acting like her wedding is more special than mine either.

These are beautiful occasions that only happen once in am lifetime [hopefully ] I wouldn't let this drama ruin your day...you know deep down inside what you want to do. If she can't be happy for you and treat you like a friend, than PEACE OUT!

Also, it's your choice...your happiness is most important!

Scarpak.

Ok. Its OBVIOUS your family does not understand, or care what you are going through.

I think you are at the point where you have 2 choices.

1. Kick her to the curb and DONT care what other people think. Like I said before you are SO worried about her, and what the family thinks, you are NOT worrying about how YOU feel!

2. I agree that you should have fun. Start planting the seed's about crazy stuff. Feathers, and Hot pink for your colors. Screw with her head. If you cant fire her due to family issues, just start telling her crazy crap. Your gonna have to if you dont want her stealing all your ideas. At the minimum, decide what your colors are, and tell her something different. Tell her your BM dresses will be long then go short. But I say F with her brain.

Keep us posted!

I'm so sorry that you're going through all of this at what should be a happy time
I agree with the other girls...I think you need to think about YOU and your feelings, not everyone else's. I definitely think that you should not have her in your BP. If your mom's opinion is important to you, since she seems to be siding with your MOH and not understanding your feelings, I would tell her that you ARE thinking of your MOH in that you are worried that it will be too much on her and you to be in each other's weddings. Period. Then tell the MOH the same thing...(if she is acting like this now, what will she be like for your wedding??!! A MOH is supposed to make your life easier, not harder!)...then move your date up to before hers and DON'T share any wedding ideas with her. Tell her things that aren't true, then go and do what you want for YOUR Wedding!! I usually don't act/give advice like this but....it seems like you will have to fight fire with fire here to preserve your day for you and your FH. If she has a personality disorder (it sounds like she does!) trust me, you will have a hard time no matter what throughout your planning if you keep her in your BP...my mother has one and you can't win with them by trying to think about them...you win by thinking about you and preserving who you are, and keeping your boundaires up around them so that you don't continue to get hurt.

im sorry your going thur this she maybe upset that you are younger and where engaged first .i would just rethink your Bp have her just be a BM not MOH and dont tell her anything that your planning try to hide anyo f your ideas as long as you can


sorry edit because it didnt make sense at first lol

I think u r smart not to give her additional details about your wedding. Can u talk to her about this?
I'd try to and if it didn't work, I'd make her a regular BM.

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Posted by Scarpak

Thank you very very very much. I seriously thought I was just overreacting. I attended a family event yesterday and my MOH was there. All she wanted to do was tell me about her wedding and ask for my opinions. LOL the only thing i kept repeating was that sounds nice. Then she asked what I was doing and I just kept saying oh im not sure yet (meanwhile everything is almost completely booked) so until i get the balls to open my mouth, im just going to have to stay secretive and plan with my sister.

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Good for you. I keep saying tell her yur doing gross stuff!

ugh..i'm so sorry ur dealing with this.. weddings DO bring out the good, the bad & the ugly in people..

Here is my honest opinion on the situation.. First - u have to remember that when all is said & done, all will be forgotten on HER part...so this nasty-ness/jealousy/bitterness WILL eventually come to an end.. does it make what she's doing right?? ABSOLUTELY NOT.. but know that she will come to her senses & probably have regret that her priority was beating u at everything and not just enjoying her wedding planning...

i would demote her mainly to save u all the headache&heartache..you deserve a MOH who is there for u on the most important day of ur life, and through the entire process.. I would maybe just say to her 'listen, i think i'm going to have so & so be my MOH instead because i feel like u are very involved in your own wedding & i dont want mine to be a distraction nor another responsibility & expense for u..u can still be in the bridal party, but (etc.etc.etc.)

I wouldn't do the petty stuff for spite..like NOW move ur wedding to a month before hers, etc.. that kinda of stuff just brings u down to her level, gives her satisfaction, and will start a war..AND it is ultimately robbing your joy of what should be the most fun & exciting time in ur life. u also have to ultimately remember why u initially chose her as ur MOH..while she has changed entirely, there was a reason why you chose her.. u need to ask urself if u really want to destroy ur relationship with her over a wedding war...

instead, like i said - i would nicely ask her to step down from being ur MOH..still have her in the BP, but keep her far from ur plans(so she can't steal ur ideas )...when all is said and done & the weddings are over & SHE has forgotten about it all, I would then have a heart to heart & tell her how much she hurt you through the entire process. While u could confront her right now(and in any other situation i would say u should)..right now she has wedding blinders on..so to me, maybe she'll realize more, and take it more to heart when u let her see all of her ugly-ness afterwards..it would just be more effective that way than doing all these spiteful things just because ur annoyed..and later regret not only missing out on enjoying all ur planning, but ruining a relationship in the process.

ANYWAY, i hope this helps a little.. and in the meantime i WOULD talk to ur mom about the stuff between the two of u..let her know how u feel about her involvement in your wedding vs. ur cousins, etc..

good luck w/the situation try to keep ur head up!

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Posted by Scarpak

My mom and I had another talk yesterday, because she found out i made plans to go dress shop;ing with my aunt and she was upset. so we sat down and talked and hopefully things get better with her. the whole situations just stinks, but hopefully things are better soon. My goal is not to show up my MOH, or to make her wedding not as wonderful as mine. I want her to have a beautiful wedding. I want her to feel like a complete princess. I just want her to have a wedding that is not mine.

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Then keep doing this. Period. Its a great attitude. Keep telling her 'thats nice' and 'my plans arent finalized.'

good luck.

not to sound like a bridezilla ***** but how dare her!!!!!! i would demote her or even kick her out, its just plain mean what she is doing to you. who cares if she is older, and she is family, you shouldnt expect this from her.
there are plenty of other ways to ask your bridesmaids. i got tshirts made up and they said bridesmaid on them and had the date of our wedding on the back, and when she doesnt get one it will be a slap in her face.
im really sorry you have to go through this, and how your mom is even more intrested in her wedding.
i kinda went through that, my sister is 3 years older then me and still single, and i felt like my mom was all about my sister and her being the MOH then me being the bride.......i just started doing things on my own and then my mother realized and now she is all about me being the bride.
im really sorry, but just think your wedding is going to be great and be with your FH forever.
cheer up

Ouch, this is tough just because she's related to you.

I agree with whoever said to have a chat with her and ask her what's going on. It doesn't sound like 'demoting' her or kicking her out will make anything better. At the end of the day, she is still your family member and it's not like she will disappear from your life easily.

That ***** that she's stealing your ideas, so make sure not to tell her anything. You have said that she's not too interested in helping you, so just let it be. She can't steal things she doesn't know about!

My big question for you is this: regardless of how much she helps you out with preparation for your wedding, do you want her standing up there beside you? If the answer is yes and that you can't imagine anyone else being there, then you just need to let her be and hopefully she'll stop being so weird.

The fact that you asked her so far in advance of your wedding leads me to believe that you have a long standing relationship and are close, regardless of the fact that you're related.

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Posted by sucrets4

Ouch, this is tough just because she's related to you.

I agree with whoever said to have a chat with her and ask her what's going on. It doesn't sound like 'demoting' her or kicking her out will make anything better. At the end of the day, she is still your family member and it's not like she will disappear from your life easily.

That ***** that she's stealing your ideas, so make sure not to tell her anything. You have said that she's not too interested in helping you, so just let it be. She can't steal things she doesn't know about!

My big question for you is this: regardless of how much she helps you out with preparation for your wedding, do you want her standing up there beside you? If the answer is yes and that you can't imagine anyone else being there, then you just need to let her be and hopefully she'll stop being so weird.

The fact that you asked her so far in advance of your wedding leads me to believe that you have a long standing relationship and are close, regardless of the fact that you're related.

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We used to be very close, She is my daughter's godmother and everything. But ever since she agreed to be my MOH, shes gone all jekyll and hyde on me

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Posted by Scarpak

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Posted by sucrets4

Ouch, this is tough just because she's related to you.

I agree with whoever said to have a chat with her and ask her what's going on. It doesn't sound like 'demoting' her or kicking her out will make anything better. At the end of the day, she is still your family member and it's not like she will disappear from your life easily.

That ***** that she's stealing your ideas, so make sure not to tell her anything. You have said that she's not too interested in helping you, so just let it be. She can't steal things she doesn't know about!

My big question for you is this: regardless of how much she helps you out with preparation for your wedding, do you want her standing up there beside you? If the answer is yes and that you can't imagine anyone else being there, then you just need to let her be and hopefully she'll stop being so weird.

The fact that you asked her so far in advance of your wedding leads me to believe that you have a long standing relationship and are close, regardless of the fact that you're related.

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We used to be very close, She is my daughter's godmother and everything. But ever since she agreed to be my MOH, shes gone all jekyll and hyde on me

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Wow, she's your daughter's godmother. That's pretty serious! I'm so sorry that she's done a complete 180 and that you're this upset about it.

What about having a heart to heart with her about your friendship and not necessarily the wedding? Weddings do weird things to people. If you're more concerned about the friendship, try working on that first and then hopefully the wedding stuff will follow. You still have some time, so try not to stress yourself out too much about the details right now.

Good luck!

PLEASE LISTEN TO ME.

Have a very calm conversation with her immediately. Just tell her that with her wedding so close to yours, you think that you'll both be so busy, that perhaps you should either just be BM's or guests at each other's weddings. There will be so much to do, that the last thing you'll have time for is to do stuff for each other.

When it gets close to your wedding, one month prior, you will not be all into being her MOH, especially after all of your planning and all of this BS.

After HER wedding, she'll be so over weddings and all of it that she will barely do a thing for your wedding, and will resent it.

As for your mom, it's not her day. PLEASE, PLEASE DO NOT LISTEN TO HER ON THIS ONE. It's still early enough to make these changes and have everyone's hurt feelings resolve by your weddings. But if you have it in your head that this will make you miserable, IT WILL, AND YOU WILL NOT GET OVER IT.

YOUR MOM IS WRONG. GET OUT OF THIS GIRL'S PARTY, GET HER OUT OF YOURS, AS KINDLY AND AS PEACEFULLY AS POSSIBLE. You will hopefully never know how much drama you have saved yourself.

And BTW- keep up the campaign of disinformation. I think giving her wrong info is the greatest thing I have ever heard. Regarding booking your vendors, do NOT tell her who you have booked. Just tell her that you are a mess and can't book anything, and at the last minute, after she's done, then feel free to let her know. Don't talk about your colors, anything. Don't give her anything else to take from you. You're the only one who can give her the bullets to shoot, you know? Best of luck, and keep us updated!!