FBIL & FSIL are...

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Having just celebrated my 3-year anniversary, I know I don't belong on this board. I also know I haven't posted here in a long while, but since I was in the exact situation several years ago at my wedding, I thought I might offer some perspective...

My brother and SIL announced they were pg at the rehearsal dinner the night before my wedding and told everyone who wasn't at the RD at our wedding. They called me before the RD to tell me so I wouldn't get the shock at my RD. At first, I was like 'great, they are trying to steal my thunder' (as they are people who like the attention on them). A few minutes later, though, I realized that wasn't the case at all. They were simply excited about something really important to them, as I was excited about my wedding. I was nothing but thrilled for them - why should I be anything but happy for them? Nothing about their announcement / telling people 'stole' my thunder or took any of the focus off my DH and I at our wedding and RD. My short-lived fears were silly. There is more than enough happiness in life to go around, even on the same day -- and this just isn't something worth getting upset over.

I honestly wouldn't waste the energy being upset over this. There's not much to be upset about. I would just be happy for them and hope they have a happy, healthy baby. No one can steal your spotlight on your wedding day, so don't sweat it. There's enough happiness to go around and people will be able to be happy for both of you at the same time. You will still be the star of the show on your wedding day, so don't worry about that at all. Just enjoy your day and be happy. A few years from now, people will remember your wedding day for being your beautiful wedding day, not for being the day your FBIL and FSIL announced they were expecting.

There were so many little things I got upset over while planning my wedding that just weren't worth the time or energy. It will be a beautiful day, and I'm sure you'll be a beautiful bride.

Congratulations and enjoy this special time in your life.

I will go back into hiding now... sorry for crashing!

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I appreciate the input. I am sure after all is said and done this will seem minor. I just personally wouldn't use someone else's wedding/party/event to announce my own news. I think it's selfish. If they want a big party to announce their baby news they can pay for it themselves. They had their day and no one did/said anything to turn the focus on them... that's just how I feel about it though...

Gina, I had a few (serious) thoughts on the subject.

First, I know he already said he would announce it when and where he wanted, but maybe FH should find a time to talk to him pleasantly and without trying to argue and explain in terms I think FBIL would understand:

Why do THEY want to share THEIR big announcement with you guys on your wedding day? This is a special amazing time for them and they should have their moment to tell people all to themselves. Maybe even give in a bit (as much as it totally sucks) and suggest they announce it at the RD or (if you're having a) brunch the day after, that way they still get to announce it but not in the middle of his toast (which he totally could do cuz he seems like that sort of person). It sucks that they're doing it this way but if you can't totally prevent it maybe you can figure out a way to make it work at least a little bit for you?

My second thought was this, for what its worth: If I was at a wedding and anyone, but particularly a member of the bride or groom's family or BP, announced something like a pregnancy/engagement/etc., I would be mortified for them and would only be able to think 'how tacky of them to do it at this time'. Just wanted to put that out there too.

And of course if all else fails, announce it for them!

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Posted by MerSaysEh

Gina, I had a few (serious) thoughts on the subject.

First, I know he already said he would announce it when and where he wanted, but maybe FH should find a time to talk to him pleasantly and without trying to argue and explain in terms I think FBIL would understand:

Why do THEY want to share THEIR big announcement with you guys on your wedding day? This is a special amazing time for them and they should have their moment to tell people all to themselves. Maybe even give in a bit (as much as it totally sucks) and suggest they announce it at the RD or (if you're having a) brunch the day after, that way they still get to announce it but not in the middle of his toast (which he totally could do cuz he seems like that sort of person). It sucks that they're doing it this way but if you can't totally prevent it maybe you can figure out a way to make it work at least a little bit for you?

My second thought was this, for what its worth: If I was at a wedding and anyone, but particularly a member of the bride or groom's family or BP, announced something like a pregnancy/engagement/etc., I would be mortified for them and would only be able to think 'how tacky of them to do it at this time'. Just wanted to put that out there too.

And of course if all else fails, announce it for them!

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You're right... I know anyone in my family would be like 'those two are TACK-city.' but I can just see his mother and their family making a huge stink over it.

FH said he was going to talk to him again and bring up the whole 'your wedding was about you, let ours be about us' but there really is no reasoning. If we tell him he can announce it at the RD then that won't be good enough and he'll throw some sort of baby hissy fit (we're talking about a grown man who threw a chess board across a room at the age of 32 because he wasn't winning).

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Posted by GR2010

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Posted by MerSaysEh

Gina, I had a few (serious) thoughts on the subject.

First, I know he already said he would announce it when and where he wanted, but maybe FH should find a time to talk to him pleasantly and without trying to argue and explain in terms I think FBIL would understand:

Why do THEY want to share THEIR big announcement with you guys on your wedding day? This is a special amazing time for them and they should have their moment to tell people all to themselves. Maybe even give in a bit (as much as it totally sucks) and suggest they announce it at the RD or (if you're having a) brunch the day after, that way they still get to announce it but not in the middle of his toast (which he totally could do cuz he seems like that sort of person). It sucks that they're doing it this way but if you can't totally prevent it maybe you can figure out a way to make it work at least a little bit for you?

My second thought was this, for what its worth: If I was at a wedding and anyone, but particularly a member of the bride or groom's family or BP, announced something like a pregnancy/engagement/etc., I would be mortified for them and would only be able to think 'how tacky of them to do it at this time'. Just wanted to put that out there too.

And of course if all else fails, announce it for them!

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You're right... I know anyone in my family would be like 'those two are TACK-city.' but I can just see his mother and their family making a huge stink over it.

FH said he was going to talk to him again and bring up the whole 'your wedding was about you, let ours be about us' but there really is no reasoning. If we tell him he can announce it at the RD then that won't be good enough and he'll throw some sort of baby hissy fit (we're talking about a grown man who threw a chess board across a room at the age of 32 because he wasn't winning).

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see that's why I wouldnt even try let ours be about us. try instead (i mean, maybe, because you know way better than I do) but I would try instead framing it like 'why do YOU want to share YOUR big announcement with US, don;t you want to do it when it can be all about you?'

just a thought!!! obviously my thoughts are with you and I'm still brainstorming the best way to try to deal with this so that it doesn't suck for you

can i just say that these people aren't even my family and they make my blood boil?? i don't know how you deal with it!

Gina I am congratulating your new auntie status on your FB...like tomorrow. I am so serious. I am actually really surprised that this did not happen to us on our wedding day...I was half expecting Mike's sister to announce her pregnancy that weekend since they wanted to start trying 'right away'. We need to get our ILs together and throw everyone into a fiery lava pit. Then my parents can adopt Randy and yours can adopt Mike and everything will be perfect.

If I were you I would call up FH's brother and say 'What with your good news...I just can't hold it in anymore, we are expecting too!! And its TWINS!!!!! Oh shoot, there's someone on the other line, GOTTA GO!!!'

Let him flip his sh!t and then call and b!tch at Randy and he can say 'Oh she was drunk, sorry'