Feel bad

I feel guilty right now for something that I know isn't my fault, but I can't help it.

I'm embarassed, because it just feels so....trivial and materialistic, especially knowing that others have such more important problems.

FH is a little bit of a car nut, but not even the cars that you would expect...BMWs, Porsches, Ferraris....he's obsessed with Saabs. Yes, Saabs. His dream car is a rare special edition turbo from 1991. His brother had it, and it got totalled, and they gave it to the garage, who then turned around, fixed it, and sold it, and its floating around New Hampshire right now I think. A few of these cards pop on and off the online market, but they're never in good enough condition, and the price is high considering their worth (4000-6000 usually).

FH wants nothing more than this car, but would settle for the standard edition turbo from the same year/model time frame. At first, I got annoyed that he would spend money on a car like this, but as the years went on I realized he would never stop until he got it, and if his dream car is a $2000 shiz box, who am I to stop him?

So he found the standard model, which seemed to be in perfect condition, right year, turbo, etc. on Craigslist a few days ago. After like a day or deliberating over it, he decided he was going to call to see if he could go see it before buying it. I didn't stop him, I encouraged him even, because lately he's just seemed so...sad. And I know it's me. The wedding is really starting to get to him, he's acting really weird, I feel like he's reverting to childhood or something. All he does is play video games, sports, guitar....more than he ever has, in a time when he should be doing more than that. Not that he can't have hobbies...but he's overcompensating with them so he purposely won't have the time to do anything with me for the wedding or a house/appartment. I know in my heart of hearts this is the reason behind all this....and I really question if he actually wants to marry me. Without going too much in to it, he said something one day that he'll never be able to take back, so I know how he really feels about everything. He just feels like this is all not happening in the time frame he would have liked it to be, and I think there's some resentment behind it.

So I wanted nothing more for him to get this car just so maybe, possibly, it would get him out of his funk.

He just emailed me and said that when he called, the seller said that it sold the same day it was listed, the first person who called immediately ran to see it and bought it on the spot Yes, the Saab owners are a strange, fanatical bunch. It was listed on 6/26, and FH didn't even find it till like maybe 7/1 or 7/2...either way, it was already sold when he found it, he just didn't know it yet.

I know it's not my fault, and that I didn't prevent him from getting it, but I just feel bad that it was clearly something he wanted so badly, and it was so close, and now nothing.

I know this is really long, and really stupid and materialistic, but I guess there's more to it than just the car. I just want him to be happy again, and I don't know if there's anything I can do, especially because I think that I'M the root of it, and it kills me

I just want to give you a big hug Ali! I'm so sorry you have all this to think about and go through right now.

He'll find exactly what he's looking for -- in a car and in you -- very soon, and it'll all start coming together just right. In the meantime, try to lean on us a little more than him when it comes to the wedding stuff, and maybe put it to the back burner for a little while since you still have a good bit of time. It might help rev up the spark in your relationship.

Don't forget -- you are LOVED!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIG HUG!!!!!

Wedding planning is stressful for the FHs too. He might just be feeling the pressue. I am sorry that he said some hurtful things but hopefully you can work through them. As for him being disappointed about the car- Be supportive and hopefully another one will turn up.

oh Ali - I'm sure it's not you. FH is acting a bit the same way. I know he loves me, can't wait to get married, etc., however, he's reverting back to childhood lately also. And he's 42!!!

We had a talk about it Sunday morning and he admitted to me that he's nervous to get married. He said he's not doubting it - it just seems like it's so grown up and he's nervous about it. Not scared like he doesn't want to, just nervous.

I have to admit too that I am totally FREAKING out about it. Seriously. I know I'm definitely stressed about it and trying to hold on as long as I can to my singlehood and single behavior.

I think it's normal. Don't let it get to you and feel like it's you - I can guarantee you it's not.

aww ali

im so sorry u r feeling this way,im sure fh is just stressed out about the wedding and somtimes boys just show it in strange ways..remember he loves you very much and this will pass

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way I'm so sure that FH loves you and this is why he asked you to Marry him.

The wedding takes it toll on us, on all of us brides AND grooms. If he's as traditional as you've alluded to in many of your posts, maybe he is nervous about the responsibility that awaits (whole man of the house thing and financial stress that brings) and is venting through his video games. At least it's a healthy medium (ie- he's not out drinking or cavorting with his single friends).

Stop wedding planning and focus on you guys, go somewhere special- JUST THE TWO OF YOU and reconnect. Laugh and love like you used to before all this mayhem started...I'm sure it's still there. Take a drive somewhere, come to the city....just do something different.

I don't have any words of advice to offer other than what is already here ... so just some more

Hugs to you!

Aww I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time. I hope everything works out for the best!