FH & $$$$

I don't know how to handle these situations with $$$ and FH. Some background:

we've been living together for three years and up until 3 months ago, he had a really crappy job that didn't pay much and I ended up paying a lot more of the bills. Now FH has a good job and makes a lot more $$$ than I do. But, he's also trying to keep a failing pottery studio aflolt and takes $$$ he earns from his good job to pay the bills for his pottery studio. When he got the job, he told me he needed a month to get some bills paid off. I gave him two, which brings us to the present:

I'm not even asking FH to pay most of the bills; I want him to pay half now that he's making good $$$. I think that's fair. So yesterday when he came home (pay day) I asked for $. He already owed me $300, so when he asked how much I wanted I told him $500. He asked why and I told him the $200 was to go towards the bills. He goes, 'what bills?' I say 'electric, cable, LIPA, etc.' He gets annoyed and tells me he'll give me $300. I get annoyed and tell him that he makes more than I do, he should be contributing to the bills as originally discussed when he got the new job, and tell him to give me $400. He gives me the 4, but gets really annoyed. He told me that I'm not being fair because he's got a lot more bills to pay than I do (he's referring to his studio) and I (who want him out of that studio SO badly) say 'well, if you weren't putting your $$$ into a failing business, this wouldn't be an issue.' Now, I know that HE knows its failing but I think he won't close up because its a blow to his ego. I don't know how to fix that...another issue I could use advice on.

So the entire night he's irked and told me that I'm stealing from him. I reminded him of his own words - that it's OUR money. So I say 'I thought its OUR $$$. How can I steal if its OURS?' He thinks that I was trying to trick him to give me more cash, which was totally untrue.

I don't know how to handle this. I know $$$$ is a delicate situation for most people, but it seems to be extra delicate for me. Every Sunday I feel uneasy because I need to ask him for $$$. Any advice on how to handle?

Re: FH & $$$$

That is a tricky situation. I think you both need to sit down and decide on a budget now that he has a different job. Maybe he is unaware of what bills he does need to pay since you have been taking care of them for the majority of your time together.

Re: FH & $$$$

I agree..you need to have the money talk...thoroughly. Sit down and go through all the bills and expenses and then he will understand what you are talking about.

He's used to you taking care of this and he needs to know the whole picture.

Re: FH & $$$$

I agree as well, $$$ can be VERY sticky and if you don't iron it out now it will become an even bigger issue and once you are married there is no splitting bills!!!! everything is shared.....jmo...talk about it soon good luck!!!!

Re: FH & $$$$

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Posted by soontobmrsn

I agree as well, $$$ can be VERY sticky and if you don't iron it out now it will become an even bigger issue and once you are married there is no splitting bills!!!! everything is shared.....jmo...talk about it soon good luck!!!!

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I totally agree. Good Luck!

Re: FH & $$$$

i agree... 'the money issue' is never a fun discussion but obviosuly, because he wasn't contributing as much with his last job, he doesn't understand where all of this money has to go. sit down with him and discuss it; try to work out a budget so that you're both contributing in a fair manner.
and if he STILL claims that you're 'stealing' money from him - i'd start handing him the bills and my half of the money for it. it'd be hard for him to claim that you're 'stealing' if he's the one taking care of the finances and if he sees that you're contributing your fair share.
somehow it should even out now that he has a new job. he has more expenses, but he also has a higher paying job than you do.
good luck!!

Re: FH & $$$$

I think it's great that you're paying so much of your joint bills all these years. But of course it's totally unfair for you!

Your FH has some nerve saying you steal from him. I think you should tally up the 3 year's worth of bills which you paid and compare it to what he paid. Maybe he'll wise up and realize how unfair he's been. If he isn't wise and praise your generosity, I think you need to talk about a joint account.

He and you will directly deposit monthly paychecks in the joint account, and you will use that account to pay for all your joint expenses. He is not to touch money in that account unless it's for joint expenses.

The studio is his and should not be considered a joint expense.

My FH and I live together for the past 2 years, we bought a house together and the first thing I did when we bought the house is suggest this 'cus I dont want the hassle of asking him for money for our shared bills..

Good luck! HTH!