so i've always been very independent ... in that I do what I want when I want... fh used to hate it, but now its something he likes... for instance...if i want to do something and he doesnt, i'll still do it anyway...like a movie..if thers a girly movie and i know he wont see it, i'll go solo
fh's family does not understand this...they feel that fh and i should be attached to the hip... last saturday fh's parentals came over and were very shocked that fh was home alone....ummm bc jeannette (me) has stuff to do...duh this wknd is fh's aunt's pool party, i made planst to visit my bffl (also moh). she lives in lancaster, pa, so i plan on spending the whole wknd w/her and her baby. last night fh's mom calls and asked what time we were going to the pool party...fh said well jeannette is dropping me off at noon...i could hear her scream through the phone!!!! she asked why is he letting me do that???? he explained that i'm going away for the wknd..and she said...why do u let her go out so much??
ugh..this annoyed me and fh and i got into a fight about it.. mind u he's going to the jets (boooooooo) preseason game tonight....
anyway...idk..i'm annoyed now..and fh and i are not speaking to each other...
just bc we're engaged to be married does not mean that we have to do EVERYTHING together
futuremrsjc2010
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Re: FH family vent
ITA you both have your own friends and its ok to hang out sometimes. You cant be attached to eachother 24/7. Why is FMIL making such a big deal about it?
christine2010
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Re: FH family vent
i completely understand what you are saying.
with us its the opposite problem. its my family who doesn't understand why we don't spend every waking second with each other. if i have stuff to do, i do it. i don't need FH tagging along when i get my nails done.
for instance. FH is going with his friends to Toronto in 2 weeks for a comic convention. he will be gone for 5 days. forget about it, my mom had a panic attack. saying, i just don't understand this.
we decided a while again that forcing the other to do something that they don't want to do does not make any sense.
Its2Snappy
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Re: FH family vent
First off I would have a real problem with this 'she asked why is he letting me do that????' What are women still second class citizens? Your FH shouldn't be letting you or not letting you do anything. He's your FH not your master. What the hell is that about? I'd have it out with her.
Jenna_and_John
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Re: FH family vent
She needs to mind her own busines!!! There is nothingggg wrong with that. You both sound like you have a HEALTHY relationship and she should butt outt!!!!
AngnShaun
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Re: FH family vent
Posted by Its2Snappy
First off I would have a real problem with this 'she asked why is he letting me do that????' What are women still second class citizens? Your FH shouldn't be letting you or not letting you do anything. He's your FH not your master. What the hell is that about? I'd have it out with her.
ITA... that is soooo ridiculous!!!!!!!
AdriandSteve
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Re: FH family vent
FH and I would be at each others throats if we were with each other 24/7
GiannisWifey
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Re: FH family vent
Just because you are engaged/married, doesn't mean that your entire social life has to come to an end and that EVERYTHING you do has to be with FH.......is he going to start coming for mani/pedi/eyebrow waxing with you to everytime you go??
It is important to have independence.....yes I agree that your life changes when you get engaged/married but you CAN go out by yourself or with your friends, without FH ALWAYS being there......FH goes do dinner with his friends, do I always have to go?? NO...
I make plans with my girlfriends....does he HAVE to go?? NOOOO
I HATE when FIL's get involved.....grrr
Talk to him about it and explain that it doesn't mean everything has to be done together, just like he goes out with his friends once in a while, you can go with yours.....
T E R I
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We still have our seperate things that we do, FH goes and does his thing and I do my thing, we have no problems with doing them on our own. I don't understand why it bothers other people
Lsorrent
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Re: FH family vent
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say his parents are VERY TRADITIONAL??????????????
Luckily both my and FH's family realize that we are still our own people. But are your FH's parents that traditional that they still believe in the whole 'woman stays home while man works' thing too?????
MarjorieFrank
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Re: FH family vent
That's crazy. It seems like they don't trust you, which is not good.
FH's family is kinda like that if I don't want to go to a dumb family outing or party, or if I leave early. They make comments. As if I have nothing better to do with my life then hang out with them for 10 hours on a Summer's day.
latinaj
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Re: FH family vent
GRRRRRRRRRRR I know!!!! we've been dating for 1.5 years..and he's NEVER had a problem w/it. all of the suddent, his family is getting more and more involved in our relationship.... he said last night that i was embarrassing him by not going to his aunts pool party...
first of all... i made plans to visit bffl 1 month ago (she lives reallllllllll far) second of all.. i dont want to be in a bikini around his fam..... they always make comments..
ugh i'm so annoyed
blessed18
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Re: FH family vent
Every relationship works differently. I have friends that dont do anything without their significant others and then i have others that are extremely independent but they have healthy relationships and in the end that is what matters. People need to respect and butt out when it comes to relationships and what works and doesnt. It is your FH's responsibility to convey that to his family so that they dont keep giving their 2 senses. Why did your FH get upset with you?
latinaj
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Re: FH family vent
Posted by blessed18
Every relationship works differently. I have friends that dont do anything without their significant others and then i have others that are extremely independent but they have healthy relationships and in the end that is what matters. People need to respect and butt out when it comes to relationships and what works and doesnt. It is your FH's responsibility to convey that to his family so that they dont keep giving their 2 senses. Why did your FH get upset with you?
bc his mom instigaged....she said that he would look dumb coming by himself to a fam party... idk..then she started screaming in polish...and then he started yelling at me!
hate him..
StaceyWill
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Re: FH family vent
Wow- they sound real old school...Yikes...Just keep doing what you're doing...If it wasn't this, they would be commenting on something else-just say whatever!!! It sux that it causes friction between you and FH...
01ELLIE
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Re: FH family vent
i agree with most of the girls on here....its important to do things separately....his mom sounds very old fashioned my mom doesnt understand how a couple could go out without the other one either.....i trust FH and he trusts me...plus i wouldnt want to be the only chic around a bunch of car talking dudes all the time and i know he doesnt want to be the only dude around a bunch of females all the time!!
I go on vacations with my female cousins and BF all the time without our men!
Antigua8910
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Re: FH family vent
Totally ridiculous!!! I am going to agree with the other ladies and say that your FMIL should mind her own business...My FH and I have an understanding about certain things and one is that we are each others family now and that involves standing up to our own family and choosing each other. I can understand his frustration with his mother but he should not have taken it out on you......As far as the MIL...lay down the law now or she will be involved in EVERYTHING
latinaj
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Re: FH family vent
Posted by Lsorrent
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say his parents are VERY TRADITIONAL??????????????
Luckily both my and FH's family realize that we are still our own people. But are your FH's parents that traditional that they still believe in the whole 'woman stays home while man works' thing too?????
YES...fh's parents share 1 bank account..... i've had a bank account since i was 18...my first words were 'checkbook!' lol... FH's parents do EVERYTHING Together, even shopping for anything and everything (they share 1 car and live in the suburbs where u need to drive everywhere!) my parents are complete opposite...my mom goes out w/her girsl sometimes, my dad goes out w/his friends, they have joint and separate accounts....
fh seemed ok w/this before but last night he flipped out after his mom yelled at him
panthern1
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Re: FH family vent
Wow you have to address this NOW before it turns into something ugly. When you make up make it a point to sit down with your FIL and put it all on the table. Good Luck
cavvento
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Re: FH family vent
I completely agree with you. I think it's an old-fashioned point of view for the woman to not be very independent (my family has a hard time grasping that I can drive to places outside of Nassau County on my own!). As long as you're making sure that you're spending time with the FIL's and making attempts to attend their functions, then I think you're right. Maybe invite the inlaws over for dinner or do little things here or there to show that you are invested in becoming a family member. That might be their true worry.
