Last night FH and I were talking on the phone... Things have been tough financially due to the fact that we are getting married next month, are in the process of buying a home and we both hate our jobs (me especially) and are considering quitting.
2 years ago right before we got engaged, we had broken up and I considered things officially over (we had dated off and on for 6 years). I was devastated but began moving on after a while. Anyway, we would up getting back together after about 2 months of being apart and he proposed. I chalked the whole thing up to his being really nervous at the time about getting engaged.
Now, last night, he says to me that if he could go back in time to 2 years ago, he never would've gotten back together with me. Now, I am buying a house with this man (where I am providing ~75% of the down payment), and we are having a wedding next month where my parents are footing the entire $40K bill.
I don't know what to make of that comment... I always knew he wasn't crazy about the idea of having a wedding & marriage altogether, but to say what he said - I feel like I should seriously consider calling the whole thing off.
LaurenluvsTJ
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
I think you need to seriously talk to him about this. That is not a comment someone who is about to get married should make. You have to figure this out now - not after you get married. I know it would be awful, but better to call of the wedding then to get married and then divorced a few months later. I think even with all the stress of the wedding, and jobs, and buying a house that comment is a great cause for concern. I would not chalk it up to nerves or stress. There is a serious issue that needs to be discussed and resolved right now. Be strong and good luck in your decision.
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
OMG! I am so sorry
you absolutely need to sit down and talk to him. This is defiitely waiting until the last minute, but better now than later.
LuvMyFH
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
I am sure he didn't mean it that why or didn't' mean to say that at all!
You are probably both just frustrated.
You both should sit down and have a serious talk and if he truly didn't mean it you need to express to him how hurt you felt by him saying that.
MrsH1156
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by melissaandsean
Posted by bridetobe1105 I feel like I should seriously consider calling the whole thing off.
I think you really should talk to him about it, and why he said it, or where it came from. It could just be jitters or whatever, but, if it were ME, I'd have to know why and I'd have to have an open honest discussion about it with him. Better now, then later. good luck!
I agree. It's better to talk about it now and resolve it than waiting until after you are married. Good luck!
melissa8781
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
OMG im so sorry this is happening to you..ask him if he meant what he said and to be honest with you. Tell him you're rethinking the wedding and if he isn't honest with you, the wedding is off. No matter how mad you are, try to deal with him as calmly as possible, that way you will hopefully get the truth. If he sees you upset, he might not say the truth because he doesn't want to hurt you. Ask him if he really wants to be married. Even if he doesn't its not the end of the world. Some people stay together forever without marriage. I really hope everything will work out for you. xoxo
lasposabella
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
oh my, I'm so sorry!!!!!
But you should really have a heart to heart talk to hm and see if he said it in a moment of anger or if he really meant it!!!!!
If he meant it back off now before its too late, better to lose money then your whole life.....because when all the lights are down and the glidder is over then you will have to deal with this man, and you dont want to have children and have them suffer in the long run.
smurray
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
I'm sorry to put it this way, but since you have stated that you don't think he was into this wedding, Doyou think he's into this marriage thing? You guys should really tl things over before you get into something that you really don't want. Not to mention 40k is a lot of money out of 'your' families pocket to come out of their mouth and say what he said. And 75% from'your' pocket is alot to be putting out, by yourself Is he crazy?
Sweety good luck w/ everything , but seriously talk this out, and smack him while your at it!
12-3Princess
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by cindiella
Sit down and talk with him. If you are going to marry him, you need to be able to talk to him...
I agree. Did he say this out of anger? It definitely should be discussed. You'll know what you should do after speaking with him.
Jennie0898
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by LuvMyFH
I am sure he didn't mean it that why or didn't' mean to say that at all!
You are probably both just frustrated.
You both should sit down and have a serious talk and if he truly didn't mean it you need to express to him how hurt you felt by him saying that.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but how else should she take what he said. It was pretty clear... If he could go back two years ago he never would have never gotten back together with her. There really isn't any room for interpretation. FI and I have had arguements in the past but I can't imagine him or I saying anything that horrible to each other - EVER.
bridetobe1105 - It sounds to me like there are issues here that need to be resolved before you get married or buy that house. I think you really need to do some serious soul searching and think long and hard about this before you marry this guy. Does anyone in your family or any of your friends know about this??? If so, what do they think?
ChrissynRicky
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by Jennie0898
Please don't take this the wrong way, but how else should she take what he said. It was pretty clear... If he could go back two years ago he never would have never gotten back together with her. There really isn't any room for interpretation. FI and I have had arguements in the past but I can't imagine him or I saying anything that horrible to each other - EVER.
bridetobe1105 - It sounds to me like there are issues here that need to be resolved before you get married or buy that house. I think you really need to do some serious soul searching and think long and hard about this before you marry this guy. Does anyone in your family or any of your friends know about this??? If so, what do they think?
Well stated, again. I'd take the advice of what others have said and 1)stop the payments or get a prenup immediately
SuzBride
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by Jennie0898
Please don't take this the wrong way, but how else should she take what he said. It was pretty clear... If he could go back two years ago he never would have never gotten back together with her. There really isn't any room for interpretation. FI and I have had arguements in the past but I can't imagine him or I saying anything that horrible to each other - EVER.
bridetobe1105 - It sounds to me like there are issues here that need to be resolved before you get married or buy that house. I think you really need to do some serious soul searching and think long and hard about this before you marry this guy. Does anyone in your family or any of your friends know about this??? If so, what do they think?
I agree. That is an EXTREMELY hurtful thing to say. If FH even insinuated that, I would be crushed. You need to talk to your FH and figure out your feelings BEFORE you get married or buy a house. Good luck
curliegirl
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
If he made the comment in the middle of a heated argument, then maybe it was just something mean to say (I have done it and really hurt FH and feel terrible about it), or maybe he's trying to tell you something without really having to say it......
Jennie0898
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by ChristineAE I'd take the advice of what others have said and 1)stop the payments or get a prenup immediately
Oh I second that!
jessnyc711
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
This is so terrible to be dealing with at this time, I would seriously consider the wedding, but I WOULD Absolutely STOP the purchase of the house at this point. To cancel the wedding will hurt you, but you and your family will eventually get over it. If you talk to your FH about your issues and still decide to get married, then I would seriously consider just renting and living together (unless you guys have already been doing that?). The reason why I'm advising that you not purchase the house together is because even though you are putting in the majority of the down payment - if the marriage doesn't work out, it may be divided 50/50 and thats unfair to you. Sometimes the wrong decisions emotionally are easier to to get over and move on and the financial burdens are long lasting. You have to go with your instincts and decide whether this is the right person for you because so much is at stake.
candb
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
You need to talk to him!! Maybe he didnt mean it. You know how dumb things slip from guys mouths sometimes.
ssdbk
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
I understand this is a tough situation and he said something very mean.
Think about why are you keeping score as to how much your side of the family is contributing vs. him and his side. If there weren't any problems with the 2 of you, you probably would not even worry about that at all!!!
lindz
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
I agree that it was a mean thing to say but we all know that planning a wedding is stressful, even if you aren't the one footing the bill. Maybe he said that out of haste and didn't think before speaking. Talk to him about it. Have a heart to heart. Sometimes, in the heat of an arguement, we say things we don't really mean because we know that it will strike a nerve. Anyway, I hope you two resolve everything.
L&M2006
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
definetly talk w/ him. if he was nervous before getting engaged and you guys broke up, he may be displaying those same feelings of nervousness now. it could be a lot of things - talk w/ him about it soon
thefirstlady
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
ouch...you guys definitly need to have an honest talk, immediatly. hopefully it's just more jitters for him, and he needs to get over it and make up his mind. either way, that wasn't nice for him to say, he owes you an apology! i hope you guys work things out, good luck!
curliegirl
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Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by ssdbk
I understand this is a tough situation and he said something very mean.
Think about why are you keeping score as to how much your side of the family is contributing vs. him and his side. If there weren't any problems with the 2 of you, you probably would not even worry about that at all!!!
I don't agree.....her parents are paying for the whole thing!
I know exactly who is contributing to everything with my wedding, it doesn't mean there are any problems.....
