Last night FH and I were talking on the phone... Things have been tough financially due to the fact that we are getting married next month, are in the process of buying a home and we both hate our jobs (me especially) and are considering quitting.
2 years ago right before we got engaged, we had broken up and I considered things officially over (we had dated off and on for 6 years). I was devastated but began moving on after a while. Anyway, we would up getting back together after about 2 months of being apart and he proposed. I chalked the whole thing up to his being really nervous at the time about getting engaged.
Now, last night, he says to me that if he could go back in time to 2 years ago, he never would've gotten back together with me. Now, I am buying a house with this man (where I am providing ~75% of the down payment), and we are having a wedding next month where my parents are footing the entire $40K bill.
I don't know what to make of that comment... I always knew he wasn't crazy about the idea of having a wedding & marriage altogether, but to say what he said - I feel like I should seriously consider calling the whole thing off.
melissaandsean
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by bridetobe1105 I feel like I should seriously consider calling the whole thing off.
I think you really should talk to him about it, and why he said it, or where it came from. It could just be jitters or whatever, but, if it were ME, I'd have to know why and I'd have to have an open honest discussion about it with him. Better now, then later. good luck!
kaklesmay
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Thats terrible. I think you need to sit down and explore what he meant by that.
FDWedding07
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
That is horrible. I am so sorry!! All I can say is go with your heart. This needs to be your choice. I hope it all works out for you.
Mrs. Powell
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
First, sit down and talk to him about his comment so you can have some understanding of why he made that comment. Based on his reasoning then you will know whether or not to move forward with or without him. Right now you are angry but first you must calm down before you talk with him.
Soon2BMrsA
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by melissaandsean
Posted by bridetobe1105 I feel like I should seriously consider calling the whole thing off.
I think you really should talk to him about it, and why he said it, or where it came from. It could just be jitters or whatever, but, if it were ME, I'd have to know why and I'd have to have an open honest discussion about it with him. Better now, then later. good luck!
good advice!! Hope things work out for you
CaMacho
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
WHAT?!
What did you say when he said that? Did you continue the conversation???
cindiella
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Sit down and talk with him. If you are going to marry him, you need to be able to talk to him...
Beth1210
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
omg- that is horrible!
maybe he is just nervous and stressed
but after the wedding you guys should have money again!
I am so sorry that he said that
DayBeforeThanksgiving
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
TALK TALK TALK.... that's the best thing... that's a very cruel thing to say... what was the fight about... were you guys just saying mean things irrasionally without thinking??? Sometimes people say things they dont mean when they are angry... but holy cow!! That was mean!
Laura&Phil
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Talk to him but listen to not only what he is saying but if you feel as though it is honest. The pressure of all of that money might make him say it's OK and then you might split later b/c he wasn't being honest. Tell him that you can work out the money later if he want's to postpone or anything.
Good luck! Better to hash it out now- if you think a wedding is expensive....well....
Blu-ize
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
OMG-You guys need to sort this out now. Before all the deals are done. Open up the can of worms-you need to. Get it all out now. Sending you hugs.
ChrissynRicky
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
What was your reaction?
That's one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard. No one should be told that no matter how bad of an argument it is.
If I was him, I'd be greatful and on my knees begging you for forgiveness for even THINKING something like that!
40K not a dime out of his pocket, and 75% of a downpayment - he's making out like a bandit....the least he can do is keep nasty comments to himself.
MJDoc12
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by bridetobe1105
I don't know what to make of that comment... I always knew he wasn't crazy about the idea of having a wedding & marriage altogether, but to say what he said - I feel like I should seriously consider calling the whole thing off.
It seems like maybe you guys have had some serious issues in the past...and the fact that you say you always knew he wasn't crazy about marriage and a wedding...that's kind of a bad sign. I know it's hard cause you have an expensive wedding and all...but for this man to be the one...he should be able to make you feel like the most important and beautiful woman in a room of 1000 women. don't just think of the man you HOPE he will be in your marriage, think of the man HE WILL be in your marriage. I think us women get caught up in the romance and say, 'I'm sure I can love him enough for both of us, and he'll change to the husband I HOPE he'll be.'
Good luck in whatever you choose, and I hope that whatever the outcome...YOU will be happy.
October Bliss
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
It sounds like there are serious issues from two years ago that have never been discussed and/or resolved. I would make sure I sat down and had an extensive conversation and got a full explanation about what the comment meant, and why he chose now to say it, instead of say, 6 months ago. I would also get my butt to a lawyer and draw up a pre-nuptial agreement to cover the 75% downpayment on the house.
waterspout4
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Discuss now before you kick yourself later.
jimmysgrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Oh hon, I'm sorry. That is a terrible thing to say more so that he just threw it out there without giving you guys a chance to sit down and talk about it. Realllllllllllllyyyyy, talk to him about it because if there are these doubts ahead of time, that needs to be put out on the table. It is never too late. Never.
nov04LIbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
Posted by SexyEsq
It sounds like there are serious issues from two years ago that have never been discussed and/or resolved. I would make sure I sat down and had an extensive conversation and got a full explanation about what the comment meant, and why he chose now to say it, instead of say, 6 months ago. I would also get my butt to a lawyer and draw up a pre-nuptial agreement to cover the 75% downpayment on the house.
I agree. Protect your assets! Personally I would think long and hard if you want to marry someone who would say that. Yes, this time is stressful, but think of all the rest of the stress you will have in your lifetime. If he becomes bitter and resentful, that's something that needs to change.
M&S Sept12006
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
WHAT?! Im sorry but he is a real jerk for making that comment!
Seriously-rethink this whole wedding thing...I wish lots of luck! I think its better to call of the wedding rather than getting a divorce and the guy scooping up half of your assets...oh my God...so sorry you're going through this. Under no circumstances would I marry my FH if he ever said that to me...
lrs2005
Posted:
Member since
Re: FH made a horrible comment...
I am so sorry. I think the other girls gave you excellent advice so here are some . What ever you decide, please know that all the LIW girls are here for you, as I am sure are your friends and family. good luck.
