FH Problems.....

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:14 PM

FH Problems.....

Ok, maybe I shouldn't look at this like a problem, but FH seems to be telling me what he thinks I want to hear when it comes to all the wedding stuff. I am not convinced that he really agrees with me on things, especially our reception site. He told me that he loves it, but my mother said he seemed like he didn't. I was thinking the same thing, but when I said something, he just said he loves it. I mean, I know he just wants me to be happy, but I want this to be a combined effort, not me just thinking things up and him saying yes to everything. I feel like he's not interested sometimes and that makes me sad

shelzyp Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:16 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

I think he is probably interested in making you happy!

NovemberSue Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:18 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

Tell him that its very important to you that you are both happy with everything.

shamma Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:19 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

Rachel, this is only the beginning, men never gets as excited as we do about anything wedding related, don't sweat it sweetie. On the day of is when he will be enjoying everything you will see. PS when I showed hubby Chateau Briand his reaction was, its fine...imagine how that made me feel, after all the hype and the excitement that I was talking about the place. In the end it all worked out.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:19 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

It seems as though Fh is one of those people that does not like to make waves. He will just go along with things to avoid conflict.

Have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that this is his wedding as well as yours and that his happiness is important to you. Tell him that if he has any problems or concerns you will be more than receptive.

It is all in the approach. Be very calm when you bring this up.

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:25 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

Thanks girls! My mother keeps reminding me of that same point....men just don't get excited over things like centerpieces. And I think if I had a friend in the same position, I would tell her the same thing. But as my mother said....If he really like a reception hall, tuxedo, centerpiece, etc., and I didn't.....would his opinion matter anyway??? NO! haha. I don't know, I guess I am interpreting his lack of enthusiasm over those things as a lack of enthusiasm for the whole thing. And I know that's not the case. Thanks again, though!

shelzyp Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:28 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

My FH is only excited about the alcohol at the cocktail hour, the DJ and his tuxes, the rest he is happy as long as I am happy. In a lot of ways it is good, becasue i don't really have to compromise, but I would like him to be just as excited as I am about the favors or the invitations.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:29 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

My Fh is ONLY concerned about the DJ because he wants to have THE BEST party. Anything else bores him.

Thrilled Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:33 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

LOL. At least my FH flat out says 'Rachel, (my name too) I could really care less about flowers.' or 'Who gives a flip about what the invitations look like as long as it tell 'em when and where to show up?' I got my feelings hurt the first few times and then Ir ealized...he truly doesn't care

regina2 Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:34 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

When I showed mine, Westbury Manor, I got 'You really like this place dont you...well lets book it'

I told him we had two other places to look at and he said why bother if I like WM. So he only saw WM and we booked it.

I show him invites and I get 'they seem nice'..

Dont expect your FI to get all excited, at least mine isn't. He is just looking forward to getting married.

LisaT Posted: Feb 25, 2003 05:39 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

I had the same problem with the first place we booked. It made me keep looking. When he got so excited about Lands End, I knew it was the right place. -Not saying this is the same situation, just sharing my experience. I needed his enthusiam.

Al wasn't all that involved in the planning, but he's pretty particular. He got excited about the place and the band. Was a major player in picking the cake design. The rest was pretty much left up to me.

oh, and we designed (and made) our invitations and programs together.

jennbaby Posted: Feb 25, 2003 06:05 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

Men never get super excited about wedding planning. My FH was only into the video & the cars & I was happy about that. I am sure he is ahppy and wants to make you happy!

LnP2003 Posted: Feb 25, 2003 06:10 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

please... pete said to me the other day when we were at linda's lovelies.... can't we just call my guys and tell them when and where to show up??

i was like NOOOOOOOO

cw0904 Posted: Feb 25, 2003 08:26 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

FH was not that excited as me at first about the whole planning. Now as we are getting closer to the engagement party (less than 45 days away) he asks everyday... did you get another response card in the mail? That is only the eparty. He went with me to appts and gave his input but the excitement wasn't there. We even argued about this early on in the planning b/c I was really hurt. When we booked half of the honeymoon I think that is when he began to show more enthusiasm. So I know how you are feeling. I know for my FH, as things draw near to anything in our lives that is important, he gets more excited about it and starts talking about it non-stop... It seems this is a man thing.

It will get better for you.

prncssrachel Posted: Feb 25, 2003 08:32 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

Ok, well, since I posted this, I spoke to FH at dinner. I said, I'm going to say something wedding related, and you tell me if you could care less, or if you want some say. So the results were: He wants to be involved with the favors (go figure), the DJ, the videographer(if we decide to have one), the photographer, and the cake. Anything else, even his tux, would make his life easier if I pick. He's overwhelmed with all the decisions he needs to make and trusts my decisions. I don't know if he was BS-ing on that last part, but it worked for me!
And he came clean about the reception hall.... he loves it, but felt weird getting so excited about it because my parents are paying for it all, and his parents refuse to contribute. He said he is just so grateful to have it paid for. Yay

MISHY Posted: Feb 25, 2003 08:34 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

I will tell you it has been like pulling teeth to get John to help me and I have decided to give up, there are some things things that he wants ans those things I talk to him about, like he wants his dragon toasting glasses, chair covers, Viennese hour, and the last american flag tuxes which I had to sadly decline to..

RichsBride Posted: Feb 25, 2003 08:35 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

Rachel,
I think it's very normal for men too be WAY less enthusiatic than us. The reality is if you love & he says he does than go for it. You will have ten million other decisions to make & frankly I don't think you should even bother him with most of them.
When it's time to do important things-show him your favorite or two favorites & then ask for his input. Rich helped with the hall, finalizing invites, the photos, tuxes, & he made our programs & money That was it.
I bet if I offered him ten million dollars he couldn't tell me what color the ribbon on my flowers were
That's men, don't worry

cw0904 Posted: Feb 25, 2003 08:37 PM

Re: FH Problems.....

That's great to hear everything is okay. It will only get better

HappyEverAfter Posted: Feb 26, 2003 09:55 AM

Re: FH Problems.....

Dont feel bad, my FH has not even seen the reception hall yet. When we were looking for locaitons, he worked weekends so I did everything w. my parents and my sister- when I told FH I found the perfect place, and got a great price, he said 'go ahead, book it'. I joke to my friends that FH has a vauge idea that 'something' is coming up August 30th, it will cost a lot of money, and he has to dress up I expect he will get excited about the wedding about 3 minutes before I walk down the aisle. Thats my man though, and I know he loves me and cannot wait to be married- he just is not into all the wedding details.