FH replaced his BM: VERY long vent, sorry
This is a really long and complicated story, sorry if I confuse anyone.
My FH’s asked a friend of his (John) to be his bestman around December. He asked John, because FH was BM at his wedding, so he was reciprocating. At that time we thought that we would have the usual 3-4 member BP. I decided I’d rather just have a MOH to keep this easier, and FH agreed.
John and FH have been friends since they were little, but lately FH doesn’t feel that close to John. Mainly because John and his wife hate me. (Yes, that is the word she used.) They like to go out every night and get drunk (which is fine, I guess) but they think that people who only have 1 or 2 drink a night are boring. And that’s why they hate me. This is the reason they gave my FH. She spent about an hour one night yelling at FH about how much she hates me. Whatever. I’ve never said anything bad about her (to her face, or John’s) and neither has FH. So I feel really uncomfortable around them. FH and I are expected to sit there and take it while they can say anything about us. Because if we do speak up, John will become really angry and not talk to FH again.
New Year’s Eve, we all go out to a bar, and at the end of the night John picks a fight with this small guy for no reason. (Well, he had a reason, but everytime he told us, it changed). John has a tendency to pick fights with people when he is drinking, especially when FH is around (he thinks FH will back him). I don’t want any part of that. So when they all left the bar, I told John that he is an A-hole and I hate him.
After all that, FH decided that he doesn’t want to hang out with John and his wife, just john alone. He acts up when she’s around (I think to impress her) and she started random fights. So when John and FH are hanging out, FH leaves right before or after the wife comes. John is all annoyed about that, but what is FH to do? Sit there why she bad mouths me. So John and FH had this huge fight and FH says that we are still bothered about all of the things the wife said about me. John says “I thought when we bought you the flowers, everything was fine.”
So here’s how this all related to my wedding. FH has been contemplating replacing John as best man. He asked his brother, who is not very close with. Last night, FH told John, and John just left the bar and said “that’s F-ed up.” Which I agree it is, but what option did we have? FH told him that he really wants family to do it, and since he isn’t that close with his brother, this is a good way of fixing that. The real truth is that we are both so sick of having to sit there and make sure the wife is comfortable and they are having a good time, while we are miserable. And to have John stand up there and act as if he actually cares about us, when I know he doesn’t, makes me sick. FH is calling him today to talk things through, but I am worried, John and his parents won’t come to the wedding now.
I think that if John was a real friend he would understand. And not take it as something personal. It’s not like he replaced him with another friend, it’s his brother.
I just needed to talk about this. I don’t even know if there is any advice for me, too much has already happened. I can’t wait until this wedding is over.
![]()
My FH’s asked a friend of his (John) to be his bestman around December. He asked John, because FH was BM at his wedding, so he was reciprocating. At that time we thought that we would have the usual 3-4 member BP. I decided I’d rather just have a MOH to keep this easier, and FH agreed.
John and FH have been friends since they were little, but lately FH doesn’t feel that close to John. Mainly because John and his wife hate me. (Yes, that is the word she used.) They like to go out every night and get drunk (which is fine, I guess) but they think that people who only have 1 or 2 drink a night are boring. And that’s why they hate me. This is the reason they gave my FH. She spent about an hour one night yelling at FH about how much she hates me. Whatever. I’ve never said anything bad about her (to her face, or John’s) and neither has FH. So I feel really uncomfortable around them. FH and I are expected to sit there and take it while they can say anything about us. Because if we do speak up, John will become really angry and not talk to FH again.
New Year’s Eve, we all go out to a bar, and at the end of the night John picks a fight with this small guy for no reason. (Well, he had a reason, but everytime he told us, it changed). John has a tendency to pick fights with people when he is drinking, especially when FH is around (he thinks FH will back him). I don’t want any part of that. So when they all left the bar, I told John that he is an A-hole and I hate him.
After all that, FH decided that he doesn’t want to hang out with John and his wife, just john alone. He acts up when she’s around (I think to impress her) and she started random fights. So when John and FH are hanging out, FH leaves right before or after the wife comes. John is all annoyed about that, but what is FH to do? Sit there why she bad mouths me. So John and FH had this huge fight and FH says that we are still bothered about all of the things the wife said about me. John says “I thought when we bought you the flowers, everything was fine.”
So here’s how this all related to my wedding. FH has been contemplating replacing John as best man. He asked his brother, who is not very close with. Last night, FH told John, and John just left the bar and said “that’s F-ed up.” Which I agree it is, but what option did we have? FH told him that he really wants family to do it, and since he isn’t that close with his brother, this is a good way of fixing that. The real truth is that we are both so sick of having to sit there and make sure the wife is comfortable and they are having a good time, while we are miserable. And to have John stand up there and act as if he actually cares about us, when I know he doesn’t, makes me sick. FH is calling him today to talk things through, but I am worried, John and his parents won’t come to the wedding now.
I think that if John was a real friend he would understand. And not take it as something personal. It’s not like he replaced him with another friend, it’s his brother.
I just needed to talk about this. I don’t even know if there is any advice for me, too much has already happened. I can’t wait until this wedding is over.
