FH&MYSELF

are still arguing about how to marry i cant plan my wedding until i know.He is atheist i am catholic after 7 years we never discussed this until the planning i am at my witts end please help

What about being married by a priest but in a beautiful out side ceremony?

Your not in a church but still have a religous ceremony, sounds like a good comprimize to me!

hope that helps!

Thanks again suzanne fh is very stubborn with this kinda stuff

Fh and I have had HUGE screaming battles over how we're going to get married...you have to find a place for compromise. FH wanted to elope, have a beach wedding, no stress from parents, bridal parties, or pre cana - definitely not a church wedding.

I'm an only child and my uncle was a catholic priest - I grew up believing he would preform my wedding ceremony for me, until he died 8 years ago and then my family agreed that his best friend would perform the ceremony when the time came. My wedding will be the first in my family in like 20 years - so this is a big deal!

It's been very difficult, because I'm a very stubborn person but the only way to compromise in my situation was to forego the church wedding and have an outdoor ceremony, in which case my uncle's best friend will not perform the ceremony because its against the rules of the church, and we're meeting with officiants (recommended from this site) who will perform an outdoor ceremony.

Many people told me not to bend, because religious issues are delicate, but only I know how religious I truly am and what I believe in my heart, so I guess thats all you can do for yourself. Good luck!

Sorry so long!!

Thank-You for your response but i am not budging at least i pray he doesnt, what will our children think one day,i am sticking by what i believe for 1 more month then i will call off this engaemnet

I don't really have any additional advice, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry you are going through this I do agree with you that it is extremely important that you speak about this before you get married and especially the part about how the kids will be raised.
Fh and I are also interfaith. He is Greek Orthodox and I am Catholic. The way we compromised is that we will get married in a Greek Orthodox church, but the children will be raised Catholic. However, that doesn't mean that they will not know their father's religion. We will celebrate the Greek Ortho Easter, name days, go to the Greek Orthodox church also, etc. The religions are very similar, so this hasn't been an issue b/w FH and I and our families.

Good Luck and we're here to listen if you need us

Allure, if he is completely unwilling to be married in a church, and you not willing to be married outside a church, I'm afraid where there is no give and take, there is no partnership.

Have you discussed compromise? How does he want to be married?

We are also an Interfaith couple. He is Jewish and I am Catholic. We both wanted our religions incorporated into our wedding, so we are having the ceremony in a neutral location (outdoors at the hall) with both a priest and a rabbi. Of course I would rather get married in a Church, but I took his beliefs and feeling into consideration and made a compromise.

This is something that you two will have to work out. Compromise is an important aspect of a relationship, and if neither one of you is willing to bend a little, there may be problems in the future.

I am in the same situation, and we are getting married by an interfaith minister. Originally, he wanted a Judge or a Justice of Peace, but that does not exist anymore in NY, so we went for the interfaith minister.

Hi allure, so sorry for what you're going through. At this point, does he understand that the only way you're getting married is in the Church or at least by a Priest?
He won't accept the outdoor ceremony?
Did he ever think you'd want otherwise?
It must be very hard, since he is atheist, therefore it's not combining 2 different religions, if I understand correctly, he doesn't believe at all.
If he doesn't believe at all, then he shouldn't mind getting married by a Priest for your sake, it shouldn't make a difference to him. What's important is that you believe and he should respect that. I do hope that you both can come to a compromise about this, and talk about the future and how you will bring up your children as you mentioned. I'll be thinking of you

I just wanted to add, that I hope you are not seriously thinking that this issue can ruin your engagement! If all these years it hasn't been and issue, and inspite of your every Sunday Mass-confession-comunion (I am asuming that you are a strong catholic parishioner) he has loved you, and from your side you knew he did not share your faith ... why both of you can't compromise?

IMO, there is not reason why to force something in my FH ... if it is not meaningful to him, it does not make sense. That is why we decided to get married in an outdoor ceremony in the garden of the hall, etc.

Good luck!

allure, i hope after seven years of you two being together that you don't let religion destroy your relationship and marriage. I am aethiest and thankfully so is FH (even though he was raised Catholic) so I can relate to how he feels. His beliefs are just as important as yours. I would have problems getting married in a church by a priest so I understand how he feels. It would feel like a joke (not to mention disrespectful to the church) to me to have something as important as my wedding be performed in a place that has no meaning to me.

I think the previous ideas mentioned of having an outdoor ceremony are great and probably your best bet, but that's just my opinion. Have you two discussed how you would raise your children as far as religion?

Allure,
My advice is to make a date to discuss your feelings in full and come to a compromise. Start it off by saying that you love him a a lot and would like to make the relationship work by compromising. This attitude may cause him to let his guards down a little. As you know it is very important you discuss all your issues before marriage than to be surprised afterwards. Religion is a very sensitive topic but you cannot let it break up your relationship. Also it is very hard to change a person's religious beliefs. There is a compromise out there.


Karen