fighting too frequently

the past few months of engaged life have been full of tension and negativity.
each week there is something new to argue about.
im scared that we cant get back to being happy.

i am normally high strung and anything can set me off.

my fh is far more easygoing and patient but he has reached his limits.

a lot is going on, new house, wedding, new(ish) job for me which I am not happy with, leaving my mom by herself (my dad passed away over 10 years ago and I lives with her til we got the house), my dad not being there, his gradmother is slowly getting sicker and his mom is not well either.

I am hoping that it is all this getting to us and not just that we are wrong for each other. I guess it would be on a subconcious level.

i am rambling.
just having a hard time lately.

Re: fighting too frequently

maybe you should sit down with FH and find what's making you guys tick..like a bomb? And see if there's a calmer way to approach issues..

For me whenever I'm mad I wait until my anger is gone and then talk about what made me or him mad..even if it takes day to calm down... one thing that I've learned is that ugly things come out when you're mad

Re: fighting too frequently

We argued a lot more in the months leading up to the wedding. It is a very stressful time. As long as its not about truly serious issues, I wouldn't worry about it.

Re: fighting too frequently

I'm sure the two of you will work it out. Sounds like you need to take a day to spend with your FH away from all the stresses in your life right now. You should just take a full day and do something totally unrelated to work, wedding planning, the house, or your families...it might help!

And don't worry, everything won't fall apart if you just leave for a day. . .

Re: fighting too frequently

Have things improved since your wedding day?

I think another one of my problems is that I keep waiting for something bad to happen (as it has in a past relationship)
And, since I am doing that, I am probably helping to create that very thing and I dont give him enough credit - which he deserves.

Re: fighting too frequently

Thanks for the hugs.
I need them.

Re: fighting too frequently

---

Posted by plainview

Have things improved since your wedding day?

I think another one of my problems is that I keep waiting for something bad to happen (as it has in a past relationship)
And, since I am doing that, I am probably helping to create that very thing and I dont give him enough credit - which he deserves.

---

Yes, we are much more relaxed now that this big thing (i.e. The WEDDING) is not looming over our heads!

Re: fighting too frequently

OMG. I'm in a situation almost identical right down to the last detail. it's tough, i know. but someone else said to me to just keep thinking about why you decided to get married in the first place. FM if you want to talk.

Re: fighting too frequently

I think what you're going through is completely normal. Everyone tells us brides that this is the happiest time of our lives, but the flip side of the coin is that for many women they are leaving home (= depression), giving up some autonomy (= depression), making adjustments in the planning of our daily/weekend activities because we now clear everything with another person (= confusion, depression), and trying to plan the biggest party we have ever attempted to organize (= stress). When you combine depression, stress and confusion it inevitably leads to fights, and who better to fight with than FH???

Don't worry about it too much. Plan a date for you and FH and ban all wedding discussion for the night. Trust me, it will do wonders!!!

Re: fighting too frequently

as long as you are both open and honest about everything youre feeling..all will work itself out.

Re: fighting too frequently

Just thought I would mention what I have learned. A good majority of men are just pains in the azzes. Once I accepted that and took a good look at my FH I realized how lucky I am and that it's not his fault hes a man. He's MY pain in the azz, and I love him.

Re: fighting too frequently

You girls are awesome!
Thanks for the comfort!

We spoke yesterday. We are committed to each other and to making everything work.

Re: fighting too frequently

I'm so sorry. You 2 should really sit down and talk. It's hard - you have so much to deal with, but try to support each other through these hard times. It's normal to get stressed out and take it out on the ones you love, though. Youjust have to remind yourself sometimes...

Re: fighting too frequently

---

Posted by plainview

You girls are awesome!
Thanks for the comfort!

We spoke yesterday. We are committed to each other and to making everything work.

---

Sorry - I'm at work and it took me like a half hour to finally finish my response, and then I saw this one!! Glad things are worked out

Re: fighting too frequently

Thanks Rachel.

I just have to improve that about myself.

There really is no (good) reason for it.