I swear if one more thing goes wrong with this wedding planning I'm calling it all off and will live in sin for the rest of my life. Can you ladies clarify who gets invited to the Rehearsal Dinner? This is my list: Bridal Party with their significant others, my parents and his parents and any out of town guests that are here. Is there anyone I have forgotten OR anyone on this list that should not be invited. Is it OK to send invitations to the RD or is it RUDE to do this and they should only be invited by word of mouth? I am getting very strong opposition from my FILs regarding this and I'm ready to blow a gasket. Please help.
ETS: i am also having readers at the wedding. Should they be invited as well?
Summer05
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
I think that your list is exactly right and you should probably invite your readers b/c they will be a the rehersal. I think people usually send out invites for it, but you can do it by word of mouth if you are not worried that people will forget!
halfpintny
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Here's my problem....FILs because they're CHEAP...I'm tired of being nice.....are stating that the BP is NOT entitled to bring their significant others and that readers are really not 'part' of the wedding. They also don't want to send out invitations because it's a waste of money. I am at my wits end with these people.
sjm71505
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
I don't think you have to invite significant others and readers, but it is definitely a nice gesture. But if you are feeling pressure to save money and cut people, I don't think you need to invite out of town guests.
MsKitty1274
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
IMO...what I would do...
1. Invite the readers, how would you feel if you were at a rehearsal and when all is done, people are talking about the rehearsal dinner and you're not invited.
2. I will have my BP's significant others there, that's actually only about 4 people for me.
3. Suggestion #1...do it by word of mouth or print your own invites (inexpensive kits avail @ office max, Michaels, etc). Personally, I had never heard of doing invites for a rehearsal dinner until I joined this site.
4. Suggestion #2...offer to pay for the ones they are struggling to pay for (readers and BP's SOs).
These are just suggestions and my opinion, take what you may from it.
And be thankful they are even going to pay ANYTHING towards it. FH has made it QUITE clear that his parents are not contributing A THING to our wedding. The other night we were discussing the location for our rehearsal dinner and FH asked who pays for it. I said 'Traditionally the GROOM'S parents pays for the rehearsal dinner, so that means WE'RE paying for it.'
Good Luck!!
LO13LO13
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
we are having what you are plus the readers, you can send out invites, it's up to you, we are not, we never heard of it until this site, usually it was word of mouth from everyone we knew, i think the bp should be invited with their SO, as long as they are married, engaged or dating, not just 'bring a date', i would be insulted if FH was in a wedding and I wasn't invited to the RD, JMHO, good luck!!!
tanielle5k
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Posted by halfpintny
Here's my problem....FILs because they're CHEAP...I'm tired of being nice.....are stating that the BP is NOT entitled to bring their significant others and that readers are really not 'part' of the wedding. They also don't want to send out invitations because it's a waste of money. I am at my wits end with these people.
Girl, I hear you, I went through the same thing at first. my FILs are usuallynot cheap, but I was really insulted that they said they didnt want to pay for people they don't know. That hurt. I think your list is right on, and there are way sto make it more economical, like do a buffet instead of sit down dinner, or just do horsd'ouves (sp?) or even just dessert. I am sure the ladies here have lot sof creative suggestions.
JPC1125
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Posted by halfpintny
Here's my problem....FILs because they're CHEAP...I'm tired of being nice.....are stating that the BP is NOT entitled to bring their significant others and that readers are really not 'part' of the wedding. They also don't want to send out invitations because it's a waste of money. I am at my wits end with these people.
so do what we've done b/c my parents are the cheapos.....ask them for whatever amount they can give up front and then chip in the rest Its not worth the frustration.
pinkstar025
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
i've got BP & SO, parents, grandparents, and readers
umm no OOT guests.......there is on reason they have to go......they havea hotel room....there is food there
its to rehearse your wedding......whoever is involved adn needs to rehearse should go
JMO
halfpintny
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
i guess the sticking point here is that FHs parents have paid for nothing...not a dime and I made it a point to let FH know that if they didn't not throw the RD my mom was going to disinvite his side of the family. Needless to say this would not be a good start to the wedding. I'm trying very hard to keep my mom in check especially after she found out FMIL was planning on regifting my engagement present as a shower gift....meaning the woman bought us NOTHING which has totally pissed off my mother. FH is so embarassed but he insists that there's nothing he can do. If you recall a past post regarding FH birthday...FMIL wouldn't let me order a $5 appitizer because it was too much money. Half of me wants to not get involved in the RD at all because then EVERYONE will see what cheapos they are but I feel bad for FH because they are ultimately a reflection on him. No I'm pissed off because they refuse to take any interest in the wedding whatsoever and anytime they do mention something it has to do with something negative. You'd think these people were on public assistance or something...they live in POQUOIT (setauket's version of Belle Terre)
Monkeybride
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
We did invite our readers because to me they were part of the wedding party.
We did not invite OOT guests because it was just too expensive, we had far too many and I just couldn't let my in laws pay for all those people. We got together with out OOT guests after our rehearsal dinner.
katieshope
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
We are just having my parents, his parents, and the bridal party with their dates or significant others. We can't have the OOT guests because it would be way too many.
Jacks
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
OMG- my sister went through the same thing! At the time, she wanted to invite the out of town guests, SO's and readers and her FIL's were pitching a fit behind her back.
I agree with MrsKitty. MY opinion would be to send out your own invites and do it your way. It's your wedding afterall. (I'm horrible, I'm not sure I'd offer to pay, your parents are paying for the reception) That's just my feelings... I'm sorry you're going through this, I totally know what you're going through.
Keep in mind, this will only make you enjoy your wedding even more.
halfpintny
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Posted by Jacks
OMG- my sister went through the same thing!
Keep in mind, this will only make you enjoy your wedding even more.
that which does not kill us makes us stronger??????
MsKitty1274
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Posted by halfpintny
that which does not kill us makes us stronger??????
Hmmm, I say that ALL the time when I have issues w/ FILs (mostly FMIL and FSIL). I also remind myself...
'God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.'
Donna
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Since you're a summer bride is it possible to have a backyard BBQ or just have pizzas/heroes at the house? It's not really the food or place that matters, it's just a nice time for the bride & groom to be with their families, bridal party, and enjoy this time before the wedding.
I've been to RDs at fancy restuarants & backyards and I had a good time at all.
cjik
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
Readers should be invited. As far as OOT guests arriving the same night, it's up to you. We don't have many out-of-towners there the night before, so we will invite them.
1princess
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
we are inviting all bridal party members, readers (they are supposed to know when to read during the rehearsal) out of town guests (which are only a few) and parents and grandmas( we only have 2 left). Don't feel bad about your inlaws. I only have a future mother and law and she refuses to pay for ANYTHING. Me and Jim are paying for the whole wedding ourselves. My parents gave me $5000 toward our hall and $1000 toward the dress (which is nice). we have come up with 40K ourselves in two years. Very Stresssful. If it's important to you offer to pay for the few people yourselves that they do not want there. Sometimes this is very embarassing and makes them realize they are being ridiculous. if not be the better person for you future husband. He already knows i'm sure what a pain in the a-- his family is. Beth
Mrs. dleeny
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
you should tell them that a reader is ABSOLUTELY a part of the wedding and needs to be invited. You should also insist on inviting significant others. It’s wrong not to include them too.
I would put my foot down on this one. And if they still say no I would cancel the RD. IMO, I would rather not have one at all if it means leaving people out who should be there.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this.
dpli
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Re: FILs and the Rehearsal Dinner
We did not invite OOTers, the RD was on a Thursday for a Sunday wedding- not many were here yet, so it wasn't really a problem. Can you make the RD earlier to avoid extra OOTers?
Also, I would have the RD at a cheaper place or at someone's house before eliminating SOs and the readers. If the readers weren't part of the wedding, they wouldn't be up on the altar or in front of the crowd during the ceremony. I don't really understand your ILs logic, other than they are trying to save a buck.
You could just eliminate the RD if it is causing you that much stress. Our readers did not practice, and our BM wasn't even there. I have bee in weddings and didn't make it for the rehearsal since I was OOT. It is not that big of a deal to just tell people the morning of what to do. Our limo driver was actually the one directing everyone on when to walk down the aisle. It is not that big of a deal - more of a formality and an excuse to get together and celebrate.
