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first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

angl2001 Posted:

first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

Steve and I never argue. in 7 years we have maybe had 3 arguments and have never yelled at eachother. Today we finally broke lol. He was telling me that he thinks his sister is upset about not being in the wedding party. now mind you his siter is in her 40s and lives near Albany. All my BMs are in their 20s and live here and we are a bit of a 'lively bunch' I told him all the reasons why i didnt ask her.

1) She lives so far away and has a dying husband and can rarely get off work let alone come down to LI when i need her
2) I do not feel she will mix well with my other girls
3) I do not thin kshe will be comfortable in the BM dresses and i am not changing her dress to something different cause she is not my MOH.

We get along very well but i do not consider her close enough to be one of my 'girls'

Then we were talking with my parents about the guest list I do not want to invite everyone & guest! i can not afford it. I wanted to only invite spouses. FH said he thought it was wrong cause he would be mad if i got an invite to a wedding without him. that went on for a while then nt back on to argue about his sister. Finally we dropped it and he FINALLY understood where i was comming from. It was upsetting to have an argument about the wedding but better now than later i guess.

Am I wrong for not asking his sister?? I already have 8 BMs and he only has 5 guys so far and doesnt want to put her on his side cause its 'weird'
It just took a real toll on me today its very unlike us to argue. Thanks for letting me vent!!!
ILOVEBRIAN2008 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

aww im so sorry that u and fh were fighting today! i agree with you about his sister..if she really cant be with you to help out with anyhting and she wouldnt mess well with ur other bms i feel like its not worth it..its you day and you want it to be the best..maybe ask her to a reading? or hand out things in the wedding? that way she has a special role in the wedding but not an actual bridesmaid
Toucan311 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

Weddings bring out the best in everyone :) I totally feel for you. I'm not having my sister in law b/c she'll be 39 when we get married, and I'm not close to her at all. Let people be pissy with me, but Im going to have people that I'm close with!

The '& guest' situation is totally touchy. I don't know what to do either. I'd be happy to invite friends w/their significant others, but (and I know this is totally cheap) I don't want to pay for them just to bring a random date!
nifheim Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

One of my bridesmaids is about 39 and is my sister in law the other bridesmaid is my fh's neice of 25. COMPLETE opposites and can't even come near to being close in personalities whatsoever. BUT what if her husband is sickly and she lives far away and think it would be a burden then no reason to ask her unless you were doing it just to be nice. Ask your fh if he really thinks she wants this on her? She has to pay for her attire, chip in to var. things its costly and timely and sometimes its best not to be asked to do these things.

angl2001 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

Posted by Mimacat

but (and I know this is totally cheap) I don't want to pay for them just to bring a random date!


That is exactly what i said to my parents and FH i said ok would you walk up to a stranger on the street and say 'hi would u like a free $90 dinner?? I only wanna invite those who have spouses or fiances. There is only like 2 or 3 with boyfriends and one of them in a BM and her boyfriend is like 50 and i get a bad feeling about him. I think i will win that one. lol and if she wants to drop out cause of it thats fine too i will deal. He urks me really bad and i have only met him once and he does drugs and that is a part of my life i put behind a long time ago. i dont wanna deal with it!
kellybean Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

So sorry you guys argued !! I think you are right to feel the way you feel and its unfortunate that it had to be an argument.....Im sure between it being a gazillion degrees out and weddings are just a little stressful ( LOL) If he really wants his sister as part of the wedding maybe she could do a reading? AS far as the dates I am doing it the same way ...married and engaged ....I cant afford to pay that much !!

yelley77 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

I think you made a good decision with his sister. She has so many more important things on her mind and really needs to focus on her family.

As far as the invites, FH and I discussed that if when invites go out 2 months before the person we are inviting has a serious significant other or fiance, they will get an 'and guest' invite. If at that moment in time they are not involved with somoene, they get a solo invite. We can't afford to pay for people to bring a random guest....

hope this helps... remember it is yours and you FH's day. If you guys are paying for it, you should keep parents suggestions in mind, but you do get to make the final decision.

GOOD LUCK!
angl2001 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

thanks girls for making me feel better!

Teamhurldon Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

aww im sorry.... I don't think youre wrong for not wanting her.... I'm glad your fight passed...

Don't feel too bad we have probably surpassed atleast 6 wedding related fights already.... I think it's normal theres so much planning and stress and $$$$$ that I think it's hard for things to eventually not come to fruition... the important thing is to keep talking things out and listen to both sides....
bemyyoko Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

I'm sorry you two argued. It's good though, to be honest the couples that I know who NEVER fight...have issues lol. Letting the steam out is very good and healthy to do now and then.

I don't think it was wrong for you to not ask your FSIL. We didnt ask my own brothers because they are in their 40's and i thought they'd feel uncomfortable being up there with a bunch of 20 somethings. I think they might be upset too but we're going to have them play other roles that are just as important.
Are you getting married in the church? if so, you could have her do a reading, or bring up the gifts, or something like that. It's definately an honor to be asked to do those things.

I kind of understand the guest list situation. We're not doing 'and guest' except for a very small group because those people will not know ANYONE other than us. We are however inviting fiances and people who are in serious long term or live in relationships.

but there is no real right or wrong thing there. etiquette says you have to invite everyone over the age of 18 with a guest. I think that's ridiculous and we definately can't afford that.
Do what you feel is right. Talk it over with your FH and see where he stands. Maybe you can compromise by inviting the engaged/ltr people with guest.

good luck!
angl2001 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

thanks! i am glad i am not alone! i am feeling better u girls r the best

TommysWife08 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

OMG i have had simluar fights with my FH too!!

we arent inviting everyone with guests either! we cant afford it & same as most brides, i dont want someone bringing some random guy/girl off the streets to our wedding lol

dont worry about the whole FH sister thing.... even if she is upset about not being in your BP, people have to understand that its YOUR wedding & you cant possibly make everyone happy!!!

good luck!!!!
alymikewedding08 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

aww I'm glad you guys made up.. and I don't think u did anything wrong
Snowflake08 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

i understand how you feel about the sister in law but i do think that all adults should be invited with a guest and it should be up to them if they decide to bring someone JMO

angl2001 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

a friend of mine said the same thing about all adults having guests and i said 'well u are already planning on having a wedding of 250 and you have a $40,000 budget i am working with 18,000 and im already a little over!! I think i will ultimately win and if someone doesnt wanna come cause they ant bring a guest then i dont want them there anyway! I will find someone who wants to be there to fill the seats :)

TheMrandMrsof2008 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

Although I am totally just starting to become friends with FH's sister, I invited her to be in my wedding party. I felt since he had asked all his brothers, it was only right that I ask her also. I thought it was a sign of us becoming closer. But, I am glad to see that you and your FH made up!
TheFutureMrsM Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

I asked FH's sister to be in my wedding party,
But she is 23 not 40
not sure how i would feel about that.
I do have a BM who lives in WV, and you know what she isnt able to run to NY all the time.
I also have another BM who goes away to school.
so she is not around during the school year.

But i WANT both girls in it, regardless of where they live.

It really ***** about the fight, but i truely beleive you have to WANT someone to be in your wedding party, and that you shouldnt feel obligated to put them in.


About inviting people with guests, that is a choice u and your FH have to make. Depending on your budget, Personally what i do is invite EVERYONE with a guest regardless if they are dating someone or not, and you know what, most times they come alone, but its nice to put guest on the invite. and if people bring a guest i am sure the guest will give a gift as well so it shouldnt be such a big financial burden

HTH
Toucan311 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

A note about '&guests'

A friend of mine invited a friend to the wedding and he brought a 'guest' - a random girl that he was 'friends with' Ms. Guess showed up in a floor length white gown!!! Beware the guest!!
Snowflake08 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

Posted by Mimacat

A note about '&guests'

A friend of mine invited a friend to the wedding and he brought a 'guest' - a random girl that he was 'friends with' Ms. Guess showed up in a floor length white gown!!! Beware the guest!!


understood but that could happen with an invited guest with poor taste as well

i agree with nicole, many people dont bring random people with them - many choose to come alone but i like to give them the option
Espo22 Posted:

Re: first wedding related argument with FH.........kinda long

reading your post what i thought to myself was WOW 3 big arguements since they've been together, they must get along amazingly and have a great friendship and relationship, not saying people who argue don't have one but you know what i mean lol.

So i am sorry you are going through this and you two fought but you two seem like you have a strong relationship and things will work out and although you hate that you had to argue about wedding related things just remember that every couple does, its impossible and look at it more like hey we did have a fight and we resolved it and he is understanding and willing to work things out and look at things from your point of view. That is something great, so look for the positive in the situation and don't let it get you down

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