FI's in dog house (and might never get out)

I am soooooo sorry. What a horrible turn of events and more drama and worry that you don't need right now. I would follow your heart and only talk to hum when you are ready. Listen to what he has to say but don't think that because of the extensive circumstances that you can't be absolutely furious. Please keep us updated and we are all here for you.

Yeah, it's a tough situation. It is easy for us to all tell you to cut him off and walk away because the truth of the matter is that most guys who cheat once will cheat again *(at least from what I've seen).

However, I know the situation isn't as easy as that. You love him and can't think of not being with him-despite how hurt you feel. The truth is that once someone hurts you like this, it's hard to ever feel the same way again and the trust it gone. Trust is really hard to rebuild.

I dated a guy for a couple of years and caught him cheating. I always thought that if I caught a guy cheating- Id be done. I'd never look back and that would be it. But for a small second, I actually considered staying and working things out because I truly cared and couldnt imagine being without him. However, i soon realized (very soon after) that I'd never be able to trust him again and I didnt want to be with someone that I couldnt trust. I also realized pretty soon after that anyone who could betray me or hurt me as he did- was not someone I wanted to be with him-especially forever (marriage). I found out soon after that he had cheated the entire relationship. The night I caught him- was 'supposingly' the night he was going to propose. The funny part is that he is now engaged to the 'last' girl he cheated on me with and he is cheating on her now. Point is that sometimes it's a sickness and guys who cheat once will do it again. My story might be different than yours and again, I can't tell you what you should or shouldnt do but from my experience, once the trust is gone, it's gone.

I'm so sorry. FM if you want to talk.

It's just been very stressful for me the past 2 months. When will I ever get a break from all of this? Court stuff... moving to PA... his cancer.... and now cheating on me... I just can't take this. Looking at my wedding dress and the stuff from CLM is making me depressed and craving for a can of beer or a bucket of ice cream.

I feel like all my good deeds have been for nothing.

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Posted by SoontobeMrsMc

Yeah, it's a tough situation. It is easy for us to all tell you to cut him off and walk away because the truth of the matter is that most guys who cheat once will cheat again *(at least from what I've seen).

However, I know the situation isn't as easy as that. You love him and can't think of not being with him-despite how hurt you feel. The truth is that once someone hurts you like this, it's hard to ever feel the same way again and the trust it gone. Trust is really hard to rebuild.

I dated a guy for a couple of years and caught him cheating. I always thought that if I caught a guy cheating- Id be done. I'd never look back and that would be it. But for a small second, I actually considered staying and working things out because I truly cared and couldnt imagine being without him. However, i soon realized (very soon after) that I'd never be able to trust him again and I didnt want to be with someone that I couldnt trust. I also realized pretty soon after that anyone who could betray me or hurt me as he did- was not someone I wanted to be with him-especially forever (marriage). I found out soon after that he had cheated the entire relationship. The night I caught him- was 'supposingly' the night he was going to propose. The funny part is that he is now engaged to the 'last' girl he cheated on me with and he is cheating on her now. Point is that sometimes it's a sickness and guys who cheat once will do it again. My story might be different than yours and again, I can't tell you what you should or shouldnt do but from my experience, once the trust is gone, it's gone.

I'm so sorry. FM if you want to talk.

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That is what is hard. Trusting him again even if you work things out. I have seen situations go both ways where the guy cheated over and over and I have seen where the guy didn't cheat again and it has lasted. But then again my friends weren't engaged at that point and I feel cheating is bad at every point but when you are engaged and married and make that commitment I don't understand how you can cheat. But you might be able to trust him and he might not cheat again. You never know. Only time will tell and talking to him. You have to see for yourself. Everyones relationship is different.

I am very sorry for you!!! I hope that you are okay!!

Like the other girls said, it is a hard decision to make and only you can make it. I know I always said if i was ever cheated on that would be it.. but i dont know, know one knows until it happens to them.

Though i think that full blown sex cheating is never a mistake, the person knows what they were doing.

GL!!

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Posted by dream426

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Posted by SoontobeMrsMc

Yeah, it's a tough situation. It is easy for us to all tell you to cut him off and walk away because the truth of the matter is that most guys who cheat once will cheat again *(at least from what I've seen).

However, I know the situation isn't as easy as that. You love him and can't think of not being with him-despite how hurt you feel. The truth is that once someone hurts you like this, it's hard to ever feel the same way again and the trust it gone. Trust is really hard to rebuild.

I dated a guy for a couple of years and caught him cheating. I always thought that if I caught a guy cheating- Id be done. I'd never look back and that would be it. But for a small second, I actually considered staying and working things out because I truly cared and couldnt imagine being without him. However, i soon realized (very soon after) that I'd never be able to trust him again and I didnt want to be with someone that I couldnt trust. I also realized pretty soon after that anyone who could betray me or hurt me as he did- was not someone I wanted to be with him-especially forever (marriage). I found out soon after that he had cheated the entire relationship. The night I caught him- was 'supposingly' the night he was going to propose. The funny part is that he is now engaged to the 'last' girl he cheated on me with and he is cheating on her now. Point is that sometimes it's a sickness and guys who cheat once will do it again. My story might be different than yours and again, I can't tell you what you should or shouldnt do but from my experience, once the trust is gone, it's gone.

I'm so sorry. FM if you want to talk.

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That is what is hard. Trusting him again even if you work things out. I have seen situations go both ways where the guy cheated over and over and I have seen where the guy didn't cheat again and it has lasted. But then again my friends weren't engaged at that point and I feel cheating is bad at every point but when you are engaged and married and make that commitment I don't understand how you can cheat. But you might be able to trust him and he might not cheat again. You never know. Only time will tell and talking to him. You have to see for yourself. Everyones relationship is different.

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Absolutely! Every situation is different. Before I was cheated on, I thought that it was all the same... If anyone cheats- you need to be strong and walk away but then after I was cheated on, I realized that every situation truly is different. You know your FH better than any of us and you are the only one that can decide whether or not you think this was a one time thing. And if it was, can you forgive and work though it?

omg thats really sad to hear...at least you are seeing his true colors now and not a few years down the line with a marriage on your hands....i cant really tell you what to do because it is your relationship, just stay strong for yourself and be smart about the situtation...i wish you all the luck in dealing with it.

I am soooooooooooo sorry to hear this is happening!!!! Regardless of what you decide to do, you need to just breathe, and step back. What he did was wrong, and you can ask all of the questions you want, but it still won't be justified, so there is no sense in beating yourself up about it. What you need to do is take a healthy break from it all and take care of YOURSELF. I don't really know the whole story about CA, but from what I get, he is sick and undergoing chemotherapy for his cancer, so let him do that.....and in the meantime, take care of yourself. Spend some time alone and think about if he is really the one for you. I know love can overcome some things, but if it can overcome something like this, it's up to you. If you think staying with him will mean that you worry to death about where he is and who he's with everytime he doesn't answer the phone, well, that speaks for itself. You can't live the rest of your life in doubt and in fear of what he may or may not be doing. Personally, it seems like you are going above and beyond for a man who doesn't think the world of you. To be honest, your FH SHOULD think the world of you and care enough about you not to hurt you like that. Sure, everyone gets into a rough patch, but cheating is cheating. It's not like he told you about it on his own, you found out. Luckily, he admitted it (maybe because he had no choice). Getting divorced is a hell of a lot more then calling off a wedding sweetie. We can't tell you what to do, but I think we can all agree that you need to be on your own WITHOUT him right now. Take care of yourself, we're all here for you

OMG- I am so sorry.

As others have said- its a decision that only you can make and it is still new. You need some time to think things through.

I hope everything works out

I appricate everyone here. Like I've been saying, it's been good solace for me when I am down and stressed with wedding stuff.

One thing he did brought up during our confrontation is that he is very jealous of my friendships, esp. with one of my guy friends, who I knew way before FI and I met. He had some nerve because he should know me that I will never hurt him that way.

I agree with everything the girls on here said.

You need to take care of you first and foremost. you exasperated so much energy on him, and his sickness, that you are drained from that... now add this to boot and it's going to make you sick if you don't remember that you need to take care of you. THEN you can think about what to do with him and the relationship. No one can tell you what is right and wrong. Only you know what is right for you. If you really take the time to be alone and think it through, you will make the right decision -- whatever that may be.

Just be strong. We are all here for you.

im sorry

i am so sorry!!!
no one can tell you what to do
you have to make the decision that is right for you

Bianca - I'm really sorry. I hope you can figure out what is right for you to do. Good luck. . . figure out what is right for you. . .not what anyone else says. . .

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I can't even imagine how you must feel. We are all here for you.