Sorry but I really got to vent here. I feel like the past serveral weeks of caring for my FI was to waste. I even went over to TnT to get some support and all he gave me is this 'I'm going to die' speech. Well... now that's here home with me, I found out an interesting tidbit about my 'beloved' FI.
To make a long story short, I found out my FI, the man I am planning to marry and standing behind him throughout his health crisis, was cheating on me while in California. I found out in the worst possible way. While unpacking his stuff, I saw a note and read it. It was an email 'this person' wrote, telling him how much she missed his (you know what) and that she hopes he gets better soon. I did confronted him and he admited to what happened. I just told him to pack his things and go back to Long Island to his mother's first thing in the morning because I do not want to see him or touch him right now.
So this morning he left my house here in PA, asking me to forgive him and telling me he appriciates me being there for him. I didn't want to hear it. I felt I was putting so much energy to make sure he is okay so we can start our lives together, only to see that being shattered. I even went down there to convince him to get treatment here in the US because I love him and know he will be okay.
Now I just don't know what to do now. He wasn't being happy with me, why would he cheat on me like that? I really love him but don't want a cheater. After what I have done for him, I felt that was a huge slap to my face.
iwannabmrsD
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
i'm sorry this happened.. i think it's odd that this lady with whom he had this situation.. he printed out and kept an email from her.. that ish would have rubbed me seriously wrong..
take ur time... think it over..you will make the best decision for you..
ant n tilde
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
i am so sorry that you are going through this i hope you find the strength to make the right decision
kristi313
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
i'm so sorry you're going through this. hopefully you are able to make the decision that's right for you, only you can know what that is
kimNanthony
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
I'm so sorry to hear that. If you need anything I'm here to talk
teenigrrl
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
OMG, i'm so sorry for you and your situation. just know in your heart that you did everything and more for him and your relationship, and in the end you will make the decision that is best for you!
Soon2beAlberti
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
damn girl. I'm very sorry u hafta go through this. I can't really tell you what to do but can I just say he would have been in the dog house as soon as he said to you that you should go on ahead and live your life and whatnot when you found out about his condition. just listening to what you've said on here it seems like you have dropped everything to be by his side and for him to do that to you is just...doodoo. what he did was incredibly selfish...and why would he keep that email?!?! I think I'm mad FOR you. If you wanna talk or whatever you know how to contact me.
Kimbalina
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Wow- Sorry that there is soo much drama in your relationship. I wish you the best in making a decsion that is best for you.
KitWisdom
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Posted by angl2001
Posted by COwens424
once a cheater always a cheater
sorry but i have to disagree on that.....i myself cheated once not on FH but on someone else and i never did it again...i also know of other people who have done it once and never did again.
You never know what the circumstances are and why...you cant predict if they will do it again maybe they will maybe they wont.....bianca just think postitive you will know whats right in your heart
Thank you for saying this; I completly agree with you. I've also made a mistake, and it doesn't mean that it's something I'm ever doing again.
That said, Bianca, we are all here for you. This is a hard time for you.
missK
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Posted by DomTriniBRL
It's just been very stressful for me the past 2 months. When will I ever get a break from all of this? Court stuff... moving to PA... his cancer.... and now cheating on me... I just can't take this. Looking at my wedding dress and the stuff from CLM is making me depressed and craving for a can of beer or a bucket of ice cream.
I feel like all my good deeds have been for nothing.
Im so sorry that you have to go thru all this. For one thing as much as you have been dished out you sure seem like a strong woman to me. You will make the right choice. I think what he did was wrong and he may or may not do it again but you need to know what his reason was for doing it. This is JMO but people do things, selfish things when they find out they are sick. = We are all here for you.
Oh and your good nature isnt wasted ..Kharma girl will get them all in the end.
redjasper32
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Only time will heal any pain you are feeling now. If anything, at least find comfort that you are finding out these things now better than later. There are absolutely no excuses for f**king around at all. Be strong and pray for the guidance to make the right decision.
Remember this...you are a woman...you DESERVE better than that!!
SoontobeMrsMc
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Posted by 040508Bride
I am soooooooooooo sorry to hear this is happening!!!! Regardless of what you decide to do, you need to just breathe, and step back. What he did was wrong, and you can ask all of the questions you want, but it still won't be justified, so there is no sense in beating yourself up about it. What you need to do is take a healthy break from it all and take care of YOURSELF. I don't really know the whole story about CA, but from what I get, he is sick and undergoing chemotherapy for his cancer, so let him do that.....and in the meantime, take care of yourself. Spend some time alone and think about if he is really the one for you. I know love can overcome some things, but if it can overcome something like this, it's up to you. If you think staying with him will mean that you worry to death about where he is and who he's with everytime he doesn't answer the phone, well, that speaks for itself. You can't live the rest of your life in doubt and in fear of what he may or may not be doing. Personally, it seems like you are going above and beyond for a man who doesn't think the world of you. To be honest, your FH SHOULD think the world of you and care enough about you not to hurt you like that. Sure, everyone gets into a rough patch, but cheating is cheating. It's not like he told you about it on his own, you found out. Luckily, he admitted it (maybe because he had no choice). Getting divorced is a hell of a lot more then calling off a wedding sweetie. We can't tell you what to do, but I think we can all agree that you need to be on your own WITHOUT him right now. Take care of yourself, we're all here for you
Absolutely! None of us can tell you what you should do. We can listen and offer our advice but in the end, it all comes down to what you want to do. But regardless of what you decide you want to do, right now, you need to focus on YOU. No one else. Take some time for yourself. And I don't mean to just think about this BUT more importantly to relax, breath, and take care of yourself mentally. Do things that make you happy-things you enjoy doing.
SB7308
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
I'm so sorry to hear this. After all you did for him, you didn't deserve this. You know we are all here if u need to talk!!!! Definitely take time to think about things, don't make any decisions right away.
KK Holiday
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
I'm so sorry to hear this!
please stay strong. do what you feel is in your heart.
AllyDrew1108
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Of course I don't know you, but it sounds like you are a VERY kind person, giving and generous with your love. I wish the best for you and that you will make the right choice whatever that may be. My heart goes out to you. It's unreal that someone would do that to another person in such a situation.
Good luck to you!
AmandaLynn04
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear about this.
Nobody can make this decision for you, it's something you have to do all on your own. I don't believe that 'once a cheater, always a cheater,' crap -- every situation is different.
You've done so much for him, and it's just so unfair that you are in this situation now.
Whatever you decide to do, we're here for you!
If you ever need to talk, or go out for a drink or something, FM me, I'm only 40 minutes away!
bella1028
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
Posted by angl2001
Posted by COwens424
once a cheater always a cheater
sorry but i have to disagree on that.....i myself cheated once not on FH but on someone else and i never did it again...i also know of other people who have done it once and never did again.
You never know what the circumstances are and why...you cant predict if they will do it again maybe they will maybe they wont.....bianca just think postitive you will know whats right in your heart
Yes, you read my mind...it is far more complicated than that. I too cheated on my exboyfriend b/c we were pretty unhappy together. It was with my FH...thank God for that. The cheatng would NEVER occur with FH...I just dont think you can say, 'once a cheater, always a cheater.' It does not apply all the time
sassygirl9
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
OMG, I'm sooo sorry this is happening to you. You have every right to feel hurt and betrayed. I know this must all be a shock to you being that he has this health issue and had someone else on the side. Let some time go by and then think seriously about what you want to do. If you don;t take him back, you are in the right. DOn't let his health issue take him back...HTH
alymikewedding08
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
I'm very very sorry that you were hurt like this. I really wish you the best and hope that you will make whatever decision works out for you! We are always here to talk to .. or vent to..
mariaobride
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
OMG I am terribly sorry to hear this. The only one that has to make this is decision is you and I know right now you are probably feeling a ton of different emotions and that stinks but maybe in time when your head is a bit clear you can try and sit down and sort things out and think about what you want to do. I send many hugs your way and truly hope everything works out for you. You know we are all here for you.
shoegal68
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Re: FI's in dog house (and might never get out)
OMG sorry this is happening to you
no matter what anybody tells you .. you have to do whats best for you..
tough decision. Personally i am not sure if i can go through life wondering if he is cheating.
