FMIL

So we saw my FMIL over the weekend & she said that my FH's cousin was worried about covering her plate, her bf's plate & her two daughters plate (they are both in college). So I said that we had not actually put any thought into what we 'expect' as far as people giving us gifts. She replies with 'well, you dont expect them to cover all of their plates right?.' I said that anything we get is obviously appreciated & my FMIL says 'Well, you guys will get a lot of money anyway.'

Like, really?? Am I crazy? Mind you..I am not getting married until 2015. We wont make any money back if you tell your whole family not to at least cover their plate!! So annoyed.

End of rant..

Don't be upset, but at least you have fair warning. I don't like to sound ungreatful but I had three people show up with no gift at all, and three couples with a gift of $50, which didn't even cover one plate. Other people were quite generous, but I still didn't 'make back' what I spent. I don't think anyone really does.

so long as you have a wonderful time and you are married to your FH, that's all that matters.

---

Posted by Pinkisles

Don't be upset, but at least you have fair warning. I don't like to sound ungreatful but I had three people show up with no gift at all, and three couples with a gift of $50, which didn't even cover one plate. Other people were quite generous, but I still didn't 'make back' what I spent. I don't think anyone really does.

so long as you have a wonderful time and you are married to your FH, that's all that matters.

---

agreed- a few friends didn't give a gift at all for my sister's wedding and they got alot of $100 gifts for couples.. they said they made like 50% of their total cost back

I agree that it is every couples decision to spend whatever it is that they may however, if the roles were reversed I personally would not attend a wedding if I couldn't cover my plate. We have a friend who lives in florida (so local wedding for them, destination for us) and we decided not to go bc we cant afford it. Between the flight, hotel then giving a gift (which would be the same as if someone was getting married in NY bc that is where they live) it would cost easily over $1,000. We will still send a gift but I would just never show up (even if it cost me a lot to get there) without covering my food. I guess everyone is different. I appreciate any gifts we receive & certainly don't plan on breaking even. I think I am more annoyed that she even asked me. Just tell them to give whatever they can ya kno?? Dont ask me so you can go back and say I said blah blah blah

Maybe i'm becoming a bridzilla :/

---

Posted by ladygoodman

I recently went to a close friends wedding that cost over $300 a plate. I could not afford to give $600 for fh and I so I gave what I could. I never thought of not going because I am a better friend than that. I think its a personal choice and you shouldn't expect people to cover their plates. I know I don't.

---

Wow! The plates better have been made of 14K gold

---

Posted by kim24

---

Posted by ladygoodman

I recently went to a close friends wedding that cost over $300 a plate. I could not afford to give $600 for fh and I so I gave what I could. I never thought of not going because I am a better friend than that. I think its a personal choice and you shouldn't expect people to cover their plates. I know I don't.

---

Wow! The plates better have been made of 14K gold

---

dead. hahaha

---

Posted by Stephanie621

I personally don't think you should expect anyone to cover their plate. I believe a gift should be what a person can afford or be determined on the relationship with the couple getting married. I don't think its fair to expect people to cover their plate when you're the one determining how much you want to spend on your wedding. There was a wedding FH and I went to that was clearly way over $200 pp and we had to get a hotel room also. We gave $400 for the two of us and I know that was not covering us. It's also not our problem that the couple decided to spend so much on their wedding. We are inviting people because we want them there - we are not expecting to make back what we spend in any way. I'd be surprised if we got even half.

In the end you're getting married and thats what the celebration is all about.

---

Agreed!!! The couple decided to spend a certain amt per plate that's not my problem. I gave according to my relationship or what they end up giving me. LOL People don't know a person's financial situation. I certainly didn't expect to make my money back. We had some people that covered their plate while others barely covered. It shouldn't be about the money but more about having the people you love be there.

---

Posted by Stephanie621

I personally don't think you should expect anyone to cover their plate. I believe a gift should be what a person can afford or be determined on the relationship with the couple getting married. I don't think its fair to expect people to cover their plate when you're the one determining how much you want to spend on your wedding. There was a wedding FH and I went to that was clearly way over $200 pp and we had to get a hotel room also. We gave $400 for the two of us and I know that was not covering us. It's also not our problem that the couple decided to spend so much on their wedding. We are inviting people because we want them there - we are not expecting to make back what we spend in any way. I'd be surprised if we got even half.

In the end you're getting married and thats what the celebration is all about.

---

this.

Let me start by saying that I always cover my plate when I attend a wedding. However, quite honestly, I think it's a bit rude of you to expect it. Really, you shouldn't EXPECT any gift at all, nevermind for someone to cover the cost that YOU chose to pay per plate. That being said, of course we all appreciate when people do give generous gifts! I'm sure I'll receive many generous wedding gifts, but I'm not EXPECTING anything--that way, what we do get is extra money that we aren't counting on and can use to invest in our future.

You should be inviting people to your wedding because you want to share your day with them, not because of what you expect to receive in return.

---

Posted by Belle21

I always cover my plate when I attend a wedding. However, quite honestly, I think it's a bit rude of you to expect it. Really, you shouldn't EXPECT any gift at all, nevermind for someone to cover the cost that YOU chose to pay per plate.

---

This.

I happen to think (and I'm sure people will disagree, which is okay) that discussing how much of a gift you can afford with anyone involved in the wedding, ie. bride, groom, MOB, MOG, etc, is tacky. Each person has to make a decision based on their own financial situation if they can afford to give a gift at all. If they can, they need to make a decision based on how much they can afford, not how much the bride and groom decided to spend.

I'd prefer that all of my friends and family come to the wedding and not be given one single gift than to have my loved ones feel that they can't share in our celebration because they feel they're financially obligated to us for a certain amount.

---

Posted by Lguido

Your wedding isn't until 2015. I think that gives everyone enough time to save up money for your wedding so they can cover their plate. If I couldn't cover my plate I wouldn't bring my who,e family to the wedding. That's just me.. I would come alone then.

---

Exactly this!!

Like you said, you don't have a wedding just to get the gifts but it is nice when people are thoughtful and actually think about the fact that we are paying for them to be at our wedding. I understand everyone situation is different. Lots of people at our wedding we know aren't in a position to give much of anything if anything at all. But at the same time, if it were me and I know I couldn't afford much, I wouldn't bring my entire family.

---

Posted by kim24

---

Posted by ladygoodman

I recently went to a close friends wedding that cost over $300 a plate. I could not afford to give $600 for fh and I so I gave what I could. I never thought of not going because I am a better friend than that. I think its a personal choice and you shouldn't expect people to cover their plates. I know I don't.

---

Wow! The plates better have been made of 14K gold

---

Seriously!! That is just ridiculous!