So we saw my FMIL over the weekend & she said that my FH's cousin was worried about covering her plate, her bf's plate & her two daughters plate (they are both in college). So I said that we had not actually put any thought into what we 'expect' as far as people giving us gifts. She replies with 'well, you dont expect them to cover all of their plates right?.' I said that anything we get is obviously appreciated & my FMIL says 'Well, you guys will get a lot of money anyway.'
Like, really?? Am I crazy? Mind you..I am not getting married until 2015. We wont make any money back if you tell your whole family not to at least cover their plate!! So annoyed.
I happen to think (and I'm sure people will disagree, which is okay) that discussing how much of a gift you can afford with anyone involved in the wedding, ie. bride, groom, MOB, MOG, etc, is tacky. Each person has to make a decision based on their own financial situation if they can afford to give a gift at all. If they can, they need to make a decision based on how much they can afford, not how much the bride and groom decided to spend.
I'd prefer that all of my friends and family come to the wedding and not be given one single gift than to have my loved ones feel that they can't share in our celebration because they feel they're financially obligated to us for a certain amount.
This. I'm having a wedding to celebrate our love and happiness and the start of our marriage WITH the people we love and care about the most!
larlynn
Posted:
Member since
FMIL - Long Island Weddings
OP, I have to agree it's nuts that your FMIL even asked you that...I certainly hope she didn't tell her cousin she was planning to ask!
I personally always cover my plate and then add extra on top, though I don't expect my guests to do the same, nor would I ever want a guest to not come due to financial constraints. Admittedly, I would find a guest who gave nothing (not even a card) to be equally, if not even more rude than a bride who wanted her plates covered. If you can't buy a $1 card and write a thoughtful message, I really don't want you at my wedding because I clearly think more of you then you do of me.
Though, let's face it ladies....would any of us NOT be thrilled to make a nice chunk back?!
Jack84
Posted:
Member since
FMIL - Long Island Weddings
Totally agree. Everyone's financial situations are different & we never EXPECTED anything from anyone & that is why I was annoyed at the fact she would even ask us what we expected. Even if we did expect something, what did she expect my answer to be? 'Please tell them they won't be invited if they don't give x.' That rubbed me the wrong way along with knowing that she is the type of FMIL to tell the whole family at Xmas that if they don't have the money then not to worry. I don't expect to come even close to 'breaking even' & know that by inviting everyone that it will be a big struggle for us but we picked to have everyone bc they are family & we want everyone we love there. I guess that i have unresolved issues with her including financial ones & we work extremely hard (multiple jobs)to make this wedding happen (including paying for her hotel accommodations, dress, hair, travel, rehearsal dinner etc) that it rubbed me the wrong way about how nonchalant she was about it & the fact she would even ask. Just tell them whatever they can do is appreciated & leave it at that..there was really no need to ask.
