FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

Syren Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:34 AM

FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

FH and I had an argument over this. He wants FMIL to take home all the gifts and cards after the wedding. I had no problem in the beginning with it but now it seems like all FMIL can talk about is how much money people are giving us as a wedding gift. A few family members who aren't coming to the wedding have sent checks. She's upset because they gave X amount instead of X amount. These family members are from both sides of the family. Now FMIL wants to also take the cards and deposit any monetary gifts in our account RIGHT AFTER the wedding so the checks don't BOUNCE!!!

I suggested to FH that we just leave the our gifts in our Apartment and we'll deposit them when we get back from our HM. But he doesn't think it's safe to leave them in our apartment. And when I suggested that my sister (my maid of honor) hold onto them - he said, 'I don't trust your family. She'll lose them.' This prompted a huge argument. What do I do? This situation is making me so uncomfortable. I can totally see FMIL making some comment five years from now about how my Aunt had the nerve to only give $100. How do I handle this situation?

janwinterbridejoy Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:40 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

if you dont feel comfortable with either person that you two have mentioned holding the money then find another alternative. maybe a close aunt or an uncle a really trusted friend. i wouldnt feel right about having my future mother in law knowing about what everyone else gave me either.

Murray Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:44 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

In my opinion, I do not think it is appropriate for FMIL to depsoit all the check and see how much money each person gave to you both....

Happybride2005 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:47 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

I do you think would open the envelopes? I think that's just wrong. I hope you come to a solution.

August2004 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:47 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

Um no, those are your wedding gifts and no one should see them besides you and your FI.

Syren Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:52 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

I can totally see FMIL opening them and making a list. She wants me to give her a list of what people from her side of the family have given us so far. My Mom is under the impression she's going to take them home after the wedding and hold them until we get back. I don't want to tell her that FMIL has it in her head to take them because it'll start a war. My Mom and FMIL don't get along too well. Wahhhhh this is torture.

Happybride2005 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:53 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

SOrry

bogiedmb41 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 09:55 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

if your worried about leaving it in your apartment why don't you get a fire proof safe to store them in while your on your HM, a least they will be more protected then if they were just in the apartment, or better yet give the money in the fire proof safe to your FMIL to hold until you get back...but make sure you have the only key

sarahthegreat Posted: Jun 19, 2004 10:05 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

i feel your pain. i have a feeling my fmil will do the same when we get married. i say, put them in a safe or better yet, safe deposit box, this way only the 2 of you will have access to it. good luck

futuremrspfm Posted: Jun 19, 2004 10:35 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

I would let your FMIL take them, but I would leave very specific instructions that she is NOT to open them. That is a job for you and your husband to do together and privately when you return from your HM.

Darcy Posted: Jun 19, 2004 10:41 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

Do you feel you can trust the best man? Maybe that would make your FH feel better and make things better for you.

lgluszak Posted: Jun 19, 2004 10:42 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

Dito for me..... IF she is that nosey now.. think about how nosey she will be after your married...

november12003 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 10:44 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

Is there any way you can deposit them yourselves before going on your HM? That's what we did, I didn't trust anyone else with that job. The bank was closed on Sunday, but we deposited everything at our bank's ATM with a typed up list of every check. I was worried we wouldn't find the time to do it, but we did.

Good luck.

LIPrincess00 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 11:01 AM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

I am giving the deposit to my mom because I too dont trust his family with that information. I did the deposit for my sister and what I did was had her put everything in an envelope (which I brought) and I took the envelope straight to the bank. I didnt want to know what people gave, it wasnt my business.

palebride Posted: Jun 19, 2004 12:14 PM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

we deposited the cash we received before we left for the honeymoon....but we left the checks home while we were away on teh honeymoon. we came back and they were still there

but, i feel like this is more about your FMIL's control.....if she walready mentioned that she wants to hold onto them for you, it might cause friction to not let her have them....so I'd just ask that she not look at them, because you feel that it is a private thing.
I undersatnd her wanted to know how much certain people gave though...several of the people who came to my wedding have children with upcoming weddings, which my parents are invited to, and they were wondeering how much was fair....so i let them know what specific people gave

Syren Posted: Jun 19, 2004 01:14 PM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

I don't mind her having them as long as they remain unopened and we go through them when we get back from the HM. But I don't see that happening with her. I spoke with FI and we are going to go the safe deposit route. The day after our wedding we'll drop the checks in there. So now we are both happy.

ThongLori Posted: Jun 19, 2004 02:08 PM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

The gifts you get are your business, not your FMIL. Don't let her near them! Maybe leave them in a safe deposit box until you get back from your HM.

AtticaQT Posted: Jun 19, 2004 02:37 PM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

I really dont think it is proper for your FMIL to hold on to the gifts - if possible it would be wise for both of you to deposit the cash - but you can wait to deposit the checks - saying that you dont want them to bounce is not a good excuse -

It is entirely you and your FH's business and no one elses.

hbradio Posted: Jun 19, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

My mother is acting a bit like your FMIL - I am talking about my dress or favors or something and she says she cant wait to see what gifts I get!! Who the heck cares about that right now!

We are either putting them in a safe deposit box or giving them to my MOH (sister) for safekeeping.

Sorry, but thats just not her business or concern. In this case, and this is my opinion, your FH needs to do the stepping up and talking to your FMIL and tell her what the deal is. I know its annoying you but I think its his job to rectify.

ChristineC68 Posted: Jun 19, 2004 02:53 PM

Re: FMIL and Money (Long - Please help)

Posted by Syren

I don't mind her having them as long as they remain unopened and we go through them when we get back from the HM. But I don't see that happening with her. I spoke with FI and we are going to go the safe deposit route. The day after our wedding we'll drop the checks in there. So now we are both happy.

I am glad you worked it out!