FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!

Background: FMIL and I get along great. But she isn't so nice to FH. She's actually his stepmom, (his mom passed away about 4 years ago) and they had a BAD relationship before FH and I started dating...and we all KNOW it's because she's happy he's leaving their house now and she can be a family with FFIL and her sons. She's already told us 'you can spend all the holidays with Diana's (my) family- we understand' ***! Fh wants to see his dad on holidays too!

So anyway, this weekend she drops the bombshell that she doesn't want to do the 'son/stepmother dance'. Fh was crushed! I stayed out of it and didn't say anything but that it was between them. For some reason after she left, I lost it. Was hysterical crying. It makes me soo sad that I'm going to dance with my dad, and he won't have anyone to dance with. He told his dad he wanted to dance with her..but his dad took FMIL's side and said if she doesn't want to, she shouldn't have to.

What should we do? Should he dance with my mom, who he even says is more of a mom to him that his stepmom will ever be? Or dance with his godmother- they aren't that close. I HAVE to dance with my dad, it's been my dream since I was little and we're very close!

There are quite a few other things she's done/said to piss me off about the wedding, but I'm keeping quiet..for now.

Thanks for listening and I'm sorry this is soo long!

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Posted by Lisafer1973

Wow. I am sorry that you are going through that. What about maybe playing a song and have it dedicate to his mom who passed and have a memory table with her pics on it and he can lite a candle for her during the song.

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He really didn't want to call too much attention to the fact that his mom is deceased. he doesn't discuss it much at all.

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Posted by wifetobe

I would say he should dance with the woman that's the closest to him. If that's your mom..then definitely have him dance with her.!!!!

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Do you think people will think that's weird?

I think people who don't know the situation will definitely think it's a little strange.. but they'll aske the 'right' people what the story is..they'll understand... besides..it's about him displaying his appreciation to a woman in his life.. and that's exactly what he doing..

The people who know... will think it's a beautiful sentiment.

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

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Posted by wifetobe

I would say he should dance with the woman that's the closest to him. If that's your mom..then definitely have him dance with her.!!!!

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Do you think people will think that's weird?

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I agree he should dance with someone close to him. I don't think that people will think it's weird. His mom passed away and so everyone deals with that differently.

Honestly if people think it's weird.. it will be on the stepmom... people will wonder why SHE didn't dance with him. Your fh should definitely get a chance to dance with someone and if your mom is willing, then she should be the lucky lady

I think he should dance with your mom and no I don't think people will think it is weird.

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

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Posted by wifetobe

I would say he should dance with the woman that's the closest to him. If that's your mom..then definitely have him dance with her.!!!!

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Do you think people will think that's weird?

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Who cares what people think! If your FH wants to dance with your mom, he should. Your DJ/band could even make some sort of short annoucement - 'and now, our groom will dance with a woman who's like a mother to him (or 'who he is very close to'), the bride's mother.' I think people won't look at it as replacing the mother/son dance, but just as a nice gesture and something he wanted to do, which is very sweet.

omg your poor FH, i can't believe his step mom would do that ... I would totally have him dance with your mom! I think thats an awesome idea, and I'm sure your mom would love it!

And I dont think it would look weird because I'm sure his family knows that his mom is deceased and your family will prolly just think its sweet!

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Posted by mrspalomino148

omg your poor FH, i can't believe his step mom would do that ... I would totally have him dance with your mom! I think thats an awesome idea, and I'm sure your mom would love it!

And I dont think it would look weird because I'm sure his family knows that his mom is deceased and your family will prolly just think its sweet!

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Well said!

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Posted by JBoothIn2008

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Posted by DeeluvsVinny

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Posted by wifetobe

I would say he should dance with the woman that's the closest to him. If that's your mom..then definitely have him dance with her.!!!!

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Do you think people will think that's weird?

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Who cares what people think! If your FH wants to dance with your mom, he should. Your DJ/band could even make some sort of short annoucement - 'and now, our groom will dance with a woman who's like a mother to him (or 'who he is very close to'), the bride's mother.' I think people won't look at it as replacing the mother/son dance, but just as a nice gesture and something he wanted to do, which is very sweet.

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I totally agree with you Jen.

i agree...he should dance with whoever he is closest too....if he is close to our mom, then why not her? does he have any grandmothers?? a sister?? ugh!! I can't stand stupid people!!! How dare her?? She should be HONORED to have a stepson who WANTS to dance with her!
Seriously...who cares what people think. I'd talk to your mom first and see if she feels comfy with it though.

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Posted by wifetobe

I would say he should dance with the woman that's the closest to him. If that's your mom..then definitely have him dance with her.!!!!

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I totally agree..and Im sorry to hear that this woman is so cold to your fh

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Posted by Kerin2804

Tell him to dance with the person he wants to - cut her out as much as you can (sorry, I would be spitefull and I really am not like that)

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I'm at the point where I want to be spiteful too! She didn't want to get a 'MOG dress'- because 'he's not my son'. She didn't want to be announced in the intros, 'because I'm not the mother of the groom'. She's wearing a black dress, when I specifically asked her not to.

Thanks for the suggestions girls! I'm going to talk to my mom tonight and I'm sure she'll be more than happy to dance with Fh..they have become really close.

I wanted to make sure I wasn't being unreasonable.

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Posted by 040508Bride

i agree...he should dance with whoever he is closest too....if he is close to our mom, then why not her? does he have any grandmothers?? a sister?? ugh!! I can't stand stupid people!!! How dare her?? She should be HONORED to have a stepson who WANTS to dance with her!
Seriously...who cares what people think. I'd talk to your mom first and see if she feels comfy with it though.

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He has one grandmother- she's in her 90s and not in good health, so she won't be at the wedding. no sisters- he's an only child. I think my mom will be honored. She's had it with FMIL as well.

Thanks again girls. I just feel so bad for him, it's bad enough he doesn't have his mom at his wedding and she's making it so hard for him.

I guess I should also tell you this..his stepmom is his mom's first cousin!!! They were like best friends! I seriously think she made the moves on FFIL (who is a saint) to have someone 'take care of her and her sons' and figured since FH was 23 at the time- she wouldn't have to deal with him.

oh my god she sounds like a total witch.

have him dance with your mom- i think that would be really special!