FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Original post by DeeluvsVinny
Background: FMIL and I get along great. But she isn't so nice to FH. She's actually his stepmom, (his mom passed away about 4 years ago) and they had a BAD relationship before FH and I started dating...and we all KNOW it's because she's happy he's leaving their house now and she can be a family with FFIL and her sons. She's already told us 'you can spend all the holidays with Diana's (my) family- we understand' ***! Fh wants to see his dad on holidays too!
So anyway, this weekend she drops the bombshell that she doesn't want to do the 'son/stepmother dance'. Fh was crushed! I stayed out of it and didn't say anything but that it was between them. For some reason after she left, I lost it. Was hysterical crying. It makes me soo sad that I'm going to dance with my dad, and he won't have anyone to dance with. He told his dad he wanted to dance with her..but his dad took FMIL's side and said if she doesn't want to, she shouldn't have to.
What should we do? Should he dance with my mom, who he even says is more of a mom to him that his stepmom will ever be? Or dance with his godmother- they aren't that close. I HAVE to dance with my dad, it's been my dream since I was little and we're very close!
There are quite a few other things she's done/said to piss me off about the wedding, but I'm keeping quiet..for now.
Thanks for listening and I'm sorry this is soo long!
Butterfly123
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
JnD110808
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
My FH cousin's husband lost his mother a few years before their wedding and she danced with her father and then she danced with her husband to what would have been his dance with his mother. It was very emotional for the both of them.
lillprincess54
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
does he have a grandma he can dance with, i danced with my grandpa ay mt father daughte dance, bc i dont talk to me dad
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
Ahhh! I would LOVE to see him say that! He would too, but i think FFIL wouldn't be too happy!
Celest
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
You should make her wear a witches hat & give her a red apple for the wedding. Because she is sounding like a wicked stepmother more & more. What a mean spiteful woman. I am happy that your FH will have you & you will help him build the family he deserves. how long has she been married to his dad. Maybe the family & the father should have worked on trying to heal that family dynamic (if it is new).
Regardless, this wedding is a celebration of the new & what will be a happy occasion for you both as you start you NEW life!!
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by JnD110808
My FH cousin's husband lost his mother a few years before their wedding and she danced with her father and then she danced with her husband to what would have been his dance with his mother. It was very emotional for the both of them.
OOO, that's an idea too! I wonder if I'd make it through the song without crying hysterically.
MrsJ08
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Wow...Hows FH's relationship with your mom? maybe he would want to dance with her since she will be his FMIL? hope it all works out!
Butterfly123
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
Ahhh! I would LOVE to see him say that! He would too, but i think FFIL wouldn't be too happy!
Screw her happiness. She just denied dancing with her step-son at his own wedding. But I guess it wouldnt be right for his own father if she stormed out of the wedding. I wonder what she would say if someone at the wedding asked her why she didnt dance with him. Whatever happens, and whoever he dances with, your DH will still have a beautiful wedding and hopefully he doesnt let her get to him anymore.
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by Songstress
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
Ahhh! I would LOVE to see him say that! He would too, but i think FFIL wouldn't be too happy!
Screw her happiness. She just denied dancing with her step-son at his own wedding. But I guess it wouldnt be right for his own father if she stormed out of the wedding. I wonder what she would say if someone at the wedding asked her why she didnt dance with him. Whatever happens, and whoever he dances with, your DH will still have a beautiful wedding and hopefully he doesnt let her get to him anymore.
My mom says she wants to say to her 'if you passed away and your sons had a stepmom to take care of them, would you want them to be treated this way?'
ant090608
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Def with your mom- his stepmom sounds nasty!
Butterfly123
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Posted by Songstress
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
Ahhh! I would LOVE to see him say that! He would too, but i think FFIL wouldn't be too happy!
Screw her happiness. She just denied dancing with her step-son at his own wedding. But I guess it wouldnt be right for his own father if she stormed out of the wedding. I wonder what she would say if someone at the wedding asked her why she didnt dance with him. Whatever happens, and whoever he dances with, your DH will still have a beautiful wedding and hopefully he doesnt let her get to him anymore.
My mom says she wants to say to her 'if you passed away and your sons had a stepmom to take care of them, would you want them to be treated this way?'
SHE SHOULD. She's lucky that depsite how she has treated your FH, that he still wants to dance with her during such a memorable time in his life.
chrissybean77
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
I'm so sorry you and your FH are dealing with this. It sounds like your FMIL is a nasty woman. How could she do this to her step-son??? I think the idea of dancing with your mom is such a great one. If your mom is ok with it I would totally do that.
Gigi08
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
You know what, she doesn't even need to be called out. Her outright refusal to dance with him in itself, will speak volumes! Wow! What is this woman's problem? I'm sure your mother will be honored to dance with him. I feel so bad for him. You know what else, she doesn't even deserve the honor of dancing with him. I think her behavior is a blessing in disguise!!
Butterfly123
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by Gigi08
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
You know what, she doesn't even need to be called out. Her outright refusal to dance with him in itself, will speak volumes! Wow! What is this woman's problem? I'm sure your mother will be honored to dance with him. I feel so bad for him. You know what else, she doesn't even deserve the honor of dancing with him. I think her behavior is a blessing in disguise!!
Very well said. Definitely a blessing in disguise. She shouldnt have any part of your wedding. She doesnt deserve too.
LOL Can you tell this hit a nerve with me??
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by Songstress
Posted by Gigi08
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
You know what, she doesn't even need to be called out. Her outright refusal to dance with him in itself, will speak volumes! Wow! What is this woman's problem? I'm sure your mother will be honored to dance with him. I feel so bad for him. You know what else, she doesn't even deserve the honor of dancing with him. I think her behavior is a blessing in disguise!!
Very well said. Definitely a blessing in disguise. She shouldnt have any part of your wedding. She doesnt deserve too.
LOL Can you tell this hit a nerve with me??
Lol, I can tell. But, it makes me feel better about being so angry about it! I'm showing this FH tonight so that we can see that we're not crazy for being so upset with her.
Thanks again girls, you were a HUGE help!
Gigi08
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by Songstress
Posted by Gigi08
Posted by Songstress
Wow this woman is something else. She sounds like witch. I say your FH says a little speech before he dances with your mom. Something like, 'unfortunately, my step-mother declined to dance with me. I think she's a little shy. So I will be dancing with someone who is like a 2nd mother to me.'
HAHA I know that would never happen but I wish she could be called out in front of everyone. I cant believe shes wearing black when you asked her not to.
You know what, she doesn't even need to be called out. Her outright refusal to dance with him in itself, will speak volumes! Wow! What is this woman's problem? I'm sure your mother will be honored to dance with him. I feel so bad for him. You know what else, she doesn't even deserve the honor of dancing with him. I think her behavior is a blessing in disguise!!
Very well said. Definitely a blessing in disguise. She shouldnt have any part of your wedding. She doesnt deserve too.
LOL Can you tell this hit a nerve with me??
Uh huh! I feel the same way. She sounds like real biotch this one...there's just no reason to behave that way. Sometimes I like when people act in 'true form'...I think the situation just took care of itself. I hope people ask her why she didn't dance with him...people will realize.
futuremrsfab
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Posted by 040508Bride
i agree...he should dance with whoever he is closest too....if he is close to our mom, then why not her? does he have any grandmothers?? a sister?? ugh!! I can't stand stupid people!!! How dare her?? She should be HONORED to have a stepson who WANTS to dance with her! Seriously...who cares what people think. I'd talk to your mom first and see if she feels comfy with it though.
He has one grandmother- she's in her 90s and not in good health, so she won't be at the wedding. no sisters- he's an only child. I think my mom will be honored. She's had it with FMIL as well.
Thanks again girls. I just feel so bad for him, it's bad enough he doesn't have his mom at his wedding and she's making it so hard for him.
I guess I should also tell you this..his stepmom is his mom's first cousin!!! They were like best friends! I seriously think she made the moves on FFIL (who is a saint) to have someone 'take care of her and her sons' and figured since FH was 23 at the time- she wouldn't have to deal with him.
thats appalling that she is his mom's cousin and would treat someone in her own family like that! I'm so sorry for your fh- but thank god he has you and your family!
davenjess
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
i think it's WONDERFUL that FH thinks of your mom as the closest thing he has to a mother & you need to honor that bond with the dance.
I think HE should talk to your mom about it tonight - i'm tearing up thinking about it. I think your mom will be overwhelmed (in such a nice way) and it should come from FH, not you....
KimberlyScott
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by DeeluvsVinny
Posted by wifetobe
I would say he should dance with the woman that's the closest to him. If that's your mom..then definitely have him dance with her.!!!!
Do you think people will think that's weird?
First off, that's a shi**y thing to do. I would never do that to my future step son.
Why not ask the DJ to make an announcement before the dance: 'And now Vinny would like the honor of dancing with (name) who's like a mother to him'
Annoulak
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Re: FMIL is stressing me out! Need opinions..Long, Sorry!
Posted by JBoothIn2008
Your DJ/band could even make some sort of short annoucement - 'and now, our groom will dance with a woman who's like a mother to him (or 'who he is very close to'), the bride's mother.'
That's a GREAT idea that will explain to everyone why he's dancing with your mom
