I've been back and forth with myself about even taking the time to post this...but need to get it off my chest. Had the worst time last night w/ FMIL and the antics she is capable of. She is the most passive-aggressive person I have ever met in my life. If anyone has any advice it's gladly welcomed (( sorry this is long will post in a few parts))
History on FH: Youngest of two adopted boys and his parents are in their late 60's. Older brother, our BM is married and his family has been wonderful! Supportive of me since I first met them. My family absolutely loves FH! My parents are more than 10 years younger than his, very active and have included my FH in all aspects of our family's life since we started dating. Since I met FH's Mother and Father there has been constant drama over the smallest things. She usually calls - rants and raves to his older brother that FH isn't with HIS 'family' enough and stuff of that nature. Even upon our engagement FMIL gave a 'luke-warm' congrats to us when we announced it to the family. I am sure she assumes that I pressure FH into spending the amount of time he does with my family. The thing that bothers me is that my FH stops to see his Mother and Father 3 times a week! That obviously isn't good enough. As you can imagine the back and forth, between the FP's and FBIL all gets back to me in the end. Its just unnecessary.
Snowflake08
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Posted by mRm2008
Posted by Snowflake08
Posted by Espo22
honestly, this is something only your FH can take care...let him know how you feel and have him talk to his parents and how it bothers him that his future wife is not accepted by his own parents and how much this hurts him.
i disagree i think as an adult, you can ask her to lunch or something and sit down with her and tell her how you feel and ask why she is not accepting of you
Acceptance is not in her vocabulary. Nor was it in her Mother's vocabulary. FH and FBIL told me the story that when their mother married their father, her mother did not speak to them for 7 years. She was angry that FSIL was not Catholic.
It was not until FH's parents adopted and showed up at the Grandparent's doorstep with kids in tow, that they were on speaking terms.
even more so why one would think she wouldnot want to do what was done to her
mRm2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Posted by PreshusSmurf
Posted by mRm2008
Thanks Kim! I'm not sure if its b/c of him being adopted or the baby of the family or both. FMIL is certainly something!! I could go on for miles it seems...even what my FBIL/FSIL have shared with me about how she acted when they were married.
I honestly just feel sad for her
Well, I am glad to hear you are taking the right attitude (IMHO) ... to feel sad for her, and realize that her issues in life are not caused by anything you did.
It sounds as though she was just as much of a heinous b!itch when 'welcoming' FSIL into the family.
I am trying to do the right thing by being the better person. I appologized to my FH when we left b/c I felt horrible his mother would act like that towards him.
I can take whatever she dishes out b/c I am a strong person and could give a flying F$*K what she does or thinks. ((to be quite honest))
She must think this causes strife between FH and I but it really hasn't. I love him dearly and we talk about things so nothing is misunderstood!!
She is just setting herself up to be a very lonely person!!
mRm2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Posted by Snowflake08
Posted by mRm2008
Posted by Snowflake08
Posted by Espo22
honestly, this is something only your FH can take care...let him know how you feel and have him talk to his parents and how it bothers him that his future wife is not accepted by his own parents and how much this hurts him.
i disagree i think as an adult, you can ask her to lunch or something and sit down with her and tell her how you feel and ask why she is not accepting of you
Acceptance is not in her vocabulary. Nor was it in her Mother's vocabulary. FH and FBIL told me the story that when their mother married their father, her mother did not speak to them for 7 years. She was angry that FSIL was not Catholic.
It was not until FH's parents adopted and showed up at the Grandparent's doorstep with kids in tow, that they were on speaking terms.
even more so why one would think she wouldnot want to do what was done to her
YES TOTALLY MY POINT TOO! or so you would think
Snowflake08
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
so what does FH say?? I mean, she obviously isnt contributing anything to the wedding, correct???
zoe282
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
It sounds like you have FH on your side so that is great! and it's what counts...sometimes mothers have a hard time letting go as I know only too well. Hang in there, and love that FH supports you. If she isn't careful what will happen is the two of you really won't want to go there....someone will need to remind her of that..
mRm2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Posted by Snowflake08
so what does FH say?? I mean, she obviously isnt contributing anything to the wedding, correct???
FH has spoken to her NUMEROUS times. it doesn't seem to change how she acts.
lol @ contributing...of course that was the first thing they asked after we were engaged! what would they be responsible for?? our answer was that we would appreciate anything they would traditionally be responsible for as parents of the groom (Reh. dinner, ect)
Snowflake08
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Posted by mRm2008
Posted by Snowflake08
so what does FH say?? I mean, she obviously isnt contributing anything to the wedding, correct???
FH has spoken to her NUMEROUS times. it doesn't seem to change how she acts.
lol @ contributing...of course that was the first thing they asked after we were engaged! what would they be responsible for?? our answer was that we would appreciate anything they would traditionally be responsible for as parents of the groom (Reh. dinner, ect)
wow, im shocked that they even asked so have they contributed??
mRm2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
not as of yet. our wedding is 09-27-08 so it will be interesting to see how that plays out.
Snowflake08
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Posted by mRm2008
not as of yet. our wedding is 09-27-08 so it will be interesting to see how that plays out.
right did fmil offer or ffil??
kBr
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
wow, im so sorry you have to put up with this..
KitWisdom
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
It s u c k s that you have to deal with this.
But I just want to say I think you're reacting/acting PERFECTLY regarding the circumstances! You seem to be nowhere near sinking to her level and as another poster said, you're killing her with kindness. I also think it's awesome that you realize it's not anything personal, this lady just has a ton of issues that she's projecting onto you! I have no advice but to keep being strong and don't let her bring you down!
mRm2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
Thanks so much everyone for all your comments! I really appreciate it!
mRm2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
BUMP
Mrs. V 2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: FMIL never fails to amaze me
wow im sorry..thats awful! i don't get it lately..my fmil is being a pain in the *** also...try to ignore her stupid comments
