FMIL vs. BP vent...

I just found out that my future MIL all of a sudden shot down my BPs ideas after they put A LOT of work into planning, etc. She has not been involved in the planning process to this point and has become indirectly involved through my FSIL who is also in the BP.

My BP wanted to print personalized invites and my FSIL emailed all of them (after they basically presented a game plan) and said, 'we are not printing invites, this is not a formal occassion.' I know this statement came directly from my FMIL, not so much my FSIL. Not that hand written invites are a bad thing because they aren't but it's the principle and in this day and age, printing invites is so damn easy. She then told them in a very rude way, that all they needed to do is show up early to help decorate. I know ordinarily this would not be so bad except that my BMs put a lot of work into coming up with ideas... they even argued with one another... and finally came to some sort of agreement. And as terrible as this may sound... my FMIL has NO TASTE! AND... my FH was involved in choosing the place for my shower (and paying for it by the way) because my closest BMs are all out of state and when he told FMIL where it was... she said 'who you try'n to impress?' I figured out where the shower was going to be and have hear nothing but great things about it but it's not like it's some crazy expensive place. It's pretty normal.

Now, although I'm not supposed to know any of this, I'm really good at reading between the lines and putting 2 and 2 together. My BMs (without telling me too much) were VERY offended and to be honest... so was I.

Am I over reacting? Should I do anything about this or just let it be. I'm really agrivated about this.

Oh... and FMIL is not a rational woman that you can just politely be honest with... she the silently evil type that likes to say vicious things and be spiteful... this is a woman who gets angry if you do something nice for her husband and not for her... we honestly have to think about bringing her something if all we do it grab FFIL favorite tasty cakes since we saw them in the store... she is 60 going on 5... this woman is crazy and drives me INSANE! Thank God I'm not the only one b/c my other FSIL knows how I feel because she has had serious issues with her in the past.

Lord help me!

wow..i'm really sorry i don't know what to say...except to give you some of these:

Actually I am sorry to hear you are going through this....don't know what to say really ~ FMIL seems like an impossible person... I want to give you some huggies to pass your way I hope things get better

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Posted by Ivori

I agree with lacey&mark. Your FMIL has to be told to bud out in a nice way. I would tell your Bridal Party to go ahead with what ever plans they had. good luck

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My BP is a little nervous because they don't want to make waves and have my monster-in-law blacklist them and treat them like ****... which is not out of character for her.

With my FMIL, you have to approach it one of those ways where you slip it in to a conversation about something else... say, you're talking about a friends party and the you comment on how you don't like a certain thing... it then sort of puts a light bulb in her head. -- I know, I know... it's ridiculous but otherwise she would get really defensive. Ugh!

I think we'll have to try a combo of the two - LOL.

If I were in you BP I would choose myself to stand up to your FMIL and put her in her place. I have done this for my friends when they had probs with thier FMIL. This way FMIL hates me and not the bride. I could care less who likes me or dosen't like me.

Your FMIL needs to be put into place immediately. Nip it in the bud. She's going to do this to you for the rest of your life.

Baby shower, baptism, first birthday...THINK ABOUT IT!!!!

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Posted by JIFFY

If I were in you BP I would choose myself to stand up to your FMIL and put her in her place. I have done this for my friends when they had probs with thier FMIL. This way FMIL hates me and not the bride. I could care less who likes me or dosen't like me.

Your FMIL needs to be put into place immediately. Nip it in the bud. She's going to do this to you for the rest of your life.

Baby shower, baptism, first birthday...THINK ABOUT IT!!!!

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Would you like to join my BP - haha!

My MOH just sent a note to everyone and my FMIL to try to clear things up. She gave me a heads up just in case my FMIL says anything to me next weekend when I'm in NY. Wish me luck!

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Posted by lacey&mark

i would flat out tell you fmil that your BMs are handling the planning and you would appreciate if she lets them do so without her interference (find a polite way to tell her if you like, but i would just be honest). talk to your BMs, i would let them know that THEY are in charge and if fmil tries to tell them what to do, that they can veto her input bc THEY are in charge and thats how you want it. communication is key here, let people know how you want things to go.

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i agree with one change. i think your fh should be the one to communicate this to his mother. first, you shouldn't be dealing with this b/c it's your shower and it's supposed to be a surprise and all that good stuff. second, you're going to have to spend the rest of your life with this woman - there's not point in creating waves now. plus, if it comes from her son it is more likely to hit home.

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Posted by TaraJohn

I don't have much advice, but just wanted to let you know you are definetely not alone. i could have written most of that about my FMIL. i'm still trying to figure out how to handle things. Good luck!

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I'm with you both on this one. There is no polite way to say anything to her. You just have to go about it with the FSIL thats involved as well as FMIL and tell her point blank to butt out. Your BP has it planned FH is paying for it and she just has to show up, what is she complaining about!
I can so sympathize with you

FMIL needs to butt out of your shower! she sounds like mine... going on 5! she pouts and is so petty!!!

i say good luck, and as long as she shuts it about your wedding i say be happy! she really shouldnt be saying anything about your shower! if she wants to thrown her own for you then she can have her input...

good luck!

UPDATE... My MOH sent and email out to everyone yesterday and I just got an email from my MOH saying she received an email for FSIL saying that my FMIL has decided to offer a monetary contribution to the BP but that the BP can still make all the decisions. - haha! My MOH was surprised because that's not the tune she was singing before.

I'm not quite sure what happened... I think it may have been a combination of my MOH email and my FH saying a little something.

She's probubly on the horn with her gossiping ladies bitching about me and my BP but oh well - haha!