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For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

sweetnessconfused Posted:

For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

I have been contemplating this date and I have read the entire spread on this subject, however I am curious. Of all those brides who now have picked this date, are you having any regrets after yesterday. The feeling yesterday was so somber in NYC. SI and Bklyn. I am wondering if I should still go with it just to gat a Sat for cheap?

ThreeTwenty Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

I was thinking the same thing (even though I'm not a 9/11 bride). No matter what I did yesterday, I couldn't be happy. I don't know how I would feel going to a wedding on 9/11, I wonder if I'd be able to even get a smile out.
Jordan Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

FH & I talked about this this morning...we had briefly considered September 11th as a date. We both concurred that we are happy we decided against the date - regardless of how much money we would save. Neither of us were feeling ourselves yesterday - it was a very surreal, somber day...as a bride and groom I want that day to be filled with elation - I don't see that happening for many years (for me, at least).

embee Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

although this isn't the same thing, my birthday is right around 9/11 and it hasn't been the same for the past two years. maybe though, if we had more reasons to be happy around 9/11 (ie weddings) we could find a way to celebrate the life that is around us. i really think a wedding in the perfect way to do that.

jenny2penny Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

i thought that too. 9/11 is my FMIL b-day and she refuses to read the paper to depress her on her B-day. I thought I would not be as bothered (since this year I am out of downtown NYC), but I was still sad in morning. I don't think next year will be much better.

Xelindrya Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

I wish there was a wedding I could have gone to yesterday.. I desprately needed joy on that day.. having joy on 9/11 goes directly in the face of what those bas*tards did that day.

I hope those 9/11 brides next year have a great time..and ENJOY it.. give that day another more joyful meaning!
Sweetie2004 Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

My FI is a fireman who lost his entire house on 9/11. I've avoided posting that until now. There is no way I could attend a wedding or any other festivities on 9/11. To me, unfortunately, it's a day to sit with widows and children and hold my FI's hand and tell him it wasn't his time. Survivor's guilt. This year was so much worse than last year...I can only imagine what next year will be like. Say a prayer for the men we lost ladies, but also say a prayer for those who survived, because they are really suffering...
wenndypoo Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

I don't mean to question anyones decision, but I can't imagine having a wedding on 9/11. It's too soon, and the pain is still fresh. Like others said, the mood is so somber. Even if I were at a wedding, I don't know if I could shake that feeling. I guess it just bothers me that people want to have their wedding that day just to save money. IMO, it's using a national tragedy to your advantage to save a few $.
Maybe it would be nice to have something to celebrate that day, but I don't know if people are ready for that just yet. JMO
Xelindrya Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

Colleen:
I am very sorry for your FH suffering and the loss of people so important in his life. I know it's a very difficult time. My thoughts are definately with you both. I drove by some fireman and police officers today and I had this silly rash feeling to hop out of my car and hug them!! I am very glad we have men like him around.

Each person is allowed their own thoughts and opinions which is why we are all here, right. I, too, am a 'survivor'. I may not have been a fireman risking my life doing the job I know that is dangerous, I wasn't a cop or other emergency offical putting my life on the line. I was an innocent idiot who got called to 'duty' of war, without the benefit of knowing I could die or even having an oppurtunity to say 'I am willing to do this'. We, the survivors who had no choice but to join the fight for freedom that day and pay the price are suffering too.

I didn't ask to go to war, but that's what happened to me that day. I saw people jump and die, a dead woman on the street with her legs broken backwards and the faces of EMS personnell in shock. I will never forget the horrors of that day. The scars I have from surgery to repair the injuries and the constant aching will be there for life, so will the hole in my heart.

There is no one day of memorial or remembering for me.. its everyday of my life. I wish I could paint a flag on my car and put 'It's not just a 9/11 thing' and praise those firefighters and men/women who put their lives on the line to make sure I got out of there. But yes.. 9/11 is a day of extreme mourning.

I lost a close and dear friend that day. I want to rejoice in life. Not wallow in death and despair. I feel anger to this day of what they did to my life and to the lives of her children. I would support a wedding on that day wholeheartedly. Probably crying the whole time. Life always renews.. I must have faith that even in the darkest hour there is light. That is why I'd go to a wedding that day and if I had realized it earlier, I'd have gotten married that day myself.

JMHO & $.02.
jannshari Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

It may be too soon for some, but not soon enough for others. Emotions towards 9/11 are not something that can be easily transferred from one person to another. Everyone reacts differently, and has different emotions regarding the same event. Some people were directly affected and some people indirectly affected and their reactions can be entirely the same or entirely different.

I just feel bad for the brides who choose to make it a special day for a happy reason instead of a special day for a sad reason when other people assume that their feelings are the same as others and make them feel bad for even considering it.

Disclaimer: this was not directed at anyone in particular, I swear; it's just something I've noticed in threads regarding 9/11 weddings. Consider that everyone's feelings are different and I think that making someone feel bad or guilty for choosing that date, for whatever reason, is really unfair.
Sweetie2004 Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

I don't feel guilty for the way I feel and I'm certainly not trying to make anyone else feel guilty, but what I'm saying is OUR priority that day is comforting those left behind. I WISH we were in the position to enjoy something on 9-11, to make a new start - to renew and rejoice, but right now, and for a long time we won't be and neither will many many people. As stated, everyone deals with this differently. It's SUCH a tremendous personal loss for everyone. I don't think anyone should be judged for their feelings, no one has the right to infringe on someone's personal reaction to grief. I wish I could make it better. The guys from FI's firehouse have been in a group session with a therapist for the last 4 hours...How could I even entertain the idea of attending someone's wedding next year? That is not to say that a wedding on that day couldn't be enjoyed....it's just too soon for US.


Don't mind my babbling, I'm worried about FI

jannshari Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

Colleen, I truly am sorry about your FI and his friends and fellow firefighters. I'm sorry that you are dealing with it as directly as you are as well. And I certainly hope you didn't disregard my disclaimer and think in any way I was referring to you.

My point was basically this - it's OK if you're not ready. It's OK if someone else is not ready. What is not OK is when people assume that because they are not ready, no one else is either and make people feel bad because they may be ready to move on or make the day something different.

Am I making sense or am I making it worse?
wenndypoo Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

I have no problem with the celebration of life on 9/11. IMO, there is just something distasteful about saying 'I want to get married on 9/11 to get a great deal on the hall'. To me, there is something, just kinda 'ick' about that.

It's a very individual thing, and I don't think anyone is trying to make 9/11 brides feel bad. If the bride and her family feel they are ready to celebrate that day, then that's all that matters.

Again, I don't mean to offend, JMO.
butterfly20 Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

i think that it was such a big mourning day for new york that i wouldnt want it on that day.. turning on the tv and seeing EVERY public channel broadcasting the names being read, some channels including pictures, it was just still very sad... id say if you plan to have it on 9/11 to have the ceremony and reception as late in the day as possible... maybe like 3pm on....

Sweetie2004 Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

Jannshari, you completely make sense... You and I are all clear
although my mind is twisted right now,and I didn't do a great job of explaining myself, you and I are of the same mind....it's a very personal decision, even people who weren't there are mourning this loss...it's such a tough call and it's each individuals to make, but...

Wendypoo, I completely agree with you: motivation is something to consider....while wanting to cast a new light on a terrible day is in a way noble, cold hard cash isn't
jenny2penny Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

it is a very touchy subject to many. Some were fortunate enough to not know people or be in the city that day. But for many people, they have had their lives changed. Colleen my thoughts are there for your FH. It must be very hard for him to deal with comforting others, while still being alive and dealing with his own guilts. Keep up the work in supporting him!!! try to help him enjoy the life he is so fortunate in having!!!

I only new 1 aquantance who was lost that day, but I was only blocks away, and I am an american. It is a day of rememberance and reflection. It could have been any of us that day, and i think it's a reality of the result of evil. I think it's too soon, and don't think it's approriate to associate celebration with that day. I think such a tragic day deserves, at the VERY LEAST, one day, for rememberance! We have 365 days to enjoy. If it's about money, have an afternoon wedding on a sunday.

Again, my $.02
JCbride2B Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

You know, its a strange thing that this whole generation is experiencing. My grandfather's b-day is Dec. 7 Pearl Harbor Day. I have never really associated his birhtday with pain or loss or anger, but he remembers the day being tough for him as a child to celebrate. People who lived through it back then associated the date with 'THAT DAY'. Being one who only experienced WWII in history class, the thought never crossed my mind nor did I ever think what it must have been like to live through such a horror. Then 9/11/01 happened and suddenly we all found ourselves experiencing the unthinkible. We all experienced such pain and horror and fright that day whether we were directly linked by family and friends or not. Thankfully I didn't end that day with a direct loss, but I can still feel the fright and sadness and shock just like I did that day every time I see it on TV or even think about it. In my mind, the date September 11 may forever be associated to this tradgedy for our generation just as my grandfather's birthday was associated to Pearl Harbor for his generation. JMO, but when my invitations are received or my anniversary is celebrated, I wouldn't want my most special day to be tied to the worst memories our generation has had the misfortune of experiencing. Not to say that we should all continue to let that day be a day of tears or pain forever - we do need to honor and celebrate the lives of those lost - but even years from now when we may not feel the hurt or sadness, the date will always conjure up the memory. Maybe its just too soon, maybe it will never be enough years past, but those who decide to have their wedding on September 11 are stronger and more confident people than myself. Good luck and I hope it works out for you so you can have the happy day you deserve.

Sweetie2004 Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

well said JCBRIDE2B...

groovypeg Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

wow! bravo JCbride2B!! very well put!

Ab12345 Posted:

Re: For all the 9/11/04 brides.....any change of heart?

Honestly, On this past 9/11 I too felt like people were moving on, everything and everyone were normal at work. Until I went home and my fiance and I were watching the special shows on 9/11 on HBO it really brought tears to my eyes just remembering all trama that happened that day....both my fiance and I were working downtown at that time. Just to let you guys know we booked our wedding for 9/11/2004....and after watching the special reports on TV I honestly was thinking ok we should change the date of our wedding and what people would think of us if we get married on such a date. I brought it up to my family and they said it's up to us. After contemplating we decided to keep the date. We will make good memories instead of remembering all the bad on that day.

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