For Brides Being Married In the Catholic Church...

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Posted by bluehevn22

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Posted by jilliibabii

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Posted by bluehevn22

So are we hearing that you can't have anything on those days...or just the nuptial mass??? i am fine with just a ceremony. I don't need nor do I think I want the mass!

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I don't think they do any sacraments on Holy Days. Whether it's a baptism, marriage, funeral, anything.

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Actually, I found out that they will do a funeral on all souls day...go figure!

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Because all souls day is about the dead...

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Posted by annnng

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Posted by JAAMS

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Posted by RFutureBegins2day

Ugh, damn catholic church.

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Why is everyone so anti-Church? Every establishment and religion has rules.

You can't just barge into an RH and demand to be married at that given moment.

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Its just very annoying when the church wants you to make them #1. And when you do, you cant do ANYTHING. They went from being the place of worship to money money money. When it all comes down to it, its all business.. And from what I hear, it is only the catholic church that doesnt allow anything. Luthern church allows for things. Same as protestint. If it has a RC in the name. Be prepared girls, that you cant have NADA. No runners, rose petals, bird seed,

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In their view the church is all about the sacrament not the show of the day. So to them all of that fun stuff has no place in Church

that's weird, then why am I allowed to get married on Ascension Thursday?? our priest was all excited and called me back to let me know that it was, so there wouldn't be any buses there as we were arriving (there's a school there too and I was worried about waiting until the buses left) I guess every church has different rules I'm sorry though that stinks

Whew! This is a lot! I was just talking about this with FH yesterday after the other RC church posts and decided to keep my mouth shut to not offend anyone. I'm glad there are opinionated females on here and everyone is able to talk with (hopefully) no one being offended.

As previously stated, EVERY institution has rules so why wouldn't the church? And the 'donation' is completely reasonable in my opinion because they have to function as well. They have light bills, gas bills, and some staff (that aren't voluntary) that they have to pay just like we do. They can't get help from other resources like the government so they raise funds through donations and weddings are a big help!

Honestly, if you want to get married in the Church then do it and be happy! If you're upset while planning it, then don't get married in a Church. Plenty of brides get married in the RH and it's beautiful!

Plus if you think about it...
If you were to get married outside of the church you still have to pay for music, an officiant, decorations and sometimes a venue to hold it...Its all relative and costs the same!

Its funny that everyone says its not about the show. Then how come you used to be able to do all those things? I know it may seem like I'm bashing the church, but I'm not. If expressing a few feelings about it is bashing, then sorry you see it that way. Everyone expresses their feelings on here, and not everyone will always agree. Getting married in a church is very important to me. Otherwise I would be at the hall. Its my last sacrament(next to being laid to rest) that I wanna fullfill. Just makes it hard when you've had an image in your mind of what that moment will be like, and all you keep hearing is Cant have this, cant have that. When you hear others having it, and there was a time where it wasnt a problem.. I know not all places are the same, I get that. And as far as the readings go, i can definitely pick my own. noone said anything about that. Also, there is no DONATION.. its a fee. i think very few churches actually say 'give what you feel is right' When you're being told how much to give, that is a fee. And the church of allllllll places should care if you're on a budget. Every other vendor you deal with does. And NONE of you can say that you havent tried talking any of your vendors down. Not the RH, Photo, DJ, etc. You know you did.. And for the church not to understand if you have a budget, then thats just wrong.. I certainly did not say that was an issue for me, but it was brought up in a previous comment...

this topic has gotten way out of focus on why it was really started in the first place..

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Posted by lbkate

This whole post just goes to show that people are more interested in the reception then the actual marriage.
My church is letting us pick our readings etc. as well. No rose petals b/c if you step on them you slip and it is a liability.
The reason they are so strick on some rules is b/c they see that some people are more interested in 'getting married' then creating a marriage and life together, which is why there is so much divorce these days.
Don't get me wrong, I am no devout catholic who goes to church every sunday, however it is important to us to get married in the church, so we will do what is necessary to have that.
If you don't like it, get married at the hall.

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I get your point about it being about the marriage and not the party afterwards. However, the 30-45 minutes you're there doesnt make the marriage. You and you FH make the marriage. the communication, compromise, trust and love that you have with each other makes it. I do think that for some people its just words. To me a vow is a vow. And if you're vowing to love each other no matter what. good or bad, sick or healthy. thats what you take with you and remember the promise you made to each other and in front of your loved ones. But all the work that goes into a marriage doesnt happen in that peiod that you're in the church. Its years and years...
Just Saying!!

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Posted by annnng

Its funny that everyone says its not about the show. Then how come you used to be able to do all those things? I know it may seem like I'm bashing the church, but I'm not. If expressing a few feelings about it is bashing, then sorry you see it that way. Everyone expresses their feelings on here, and not everyone will always agree. Getting married in a church is very important to me. Otherwise I would be at the hall. Its my last sacrament(next to being laid to rest) that I wanna fullfill. Just makes it hard when you've had an image in your mind of what that moment will be like, and all you keep hearing is Cant have this, cant have that. When you hear others having it, and there was a time where it wasnt a problem.. I know not all places are the same, I get that. And as far as the readings go, i can definitely pick my own. noone said anything about that. Also, there is no DONATION.. its a fee. i think very few churches actually say 'give what you feel is right' When you're being told how much to give, that is a fee. And the church of allllllll places should care if you're on a budget. Every other vendor you deal with does. And NONE of you can say that you havent tried talking any of your vendors down. Not the RH, Photo, DJ, etc. You know you did.. And for the church not to understand if you have a budget, then thats just wrong.. I certainly did not say that was an issue for me, but it was brought up in a previous comment...

this topic has gotten way out of focus on why it was really started in the first place..

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The church cares about budget if you have a hardship you can still get married there for a reduced fee or none at all. But it people are willing to drop over 40,000 on a reception why shouldn't the church charge? My actual sacrament is the cheapest thing about my wedding and the thing that matters most.

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Posted by CantWait2Wed

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Posted by bluehevn22

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Posted by JAAMS

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Posted by RFutureBegins2day

Ugh, damn catholic church.

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Why is everyone so anti-Church? Every establishment and religion has rules.

You can't just barge into an RH and demand to be married at that given moment.

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I understand what you are saying but I first was dealing with my parish that will not allow a former priest or any other priest for that matter (who also happens to be a very close family friend) back to my church for wedding ceremonies. So that option is out. And second, I am dealing with a budget and time of year...it kind of sucks more that I would have to pay extra just to have my wedding the week before! I understand holy days of obligation and all that but maybe this should be listed somewhere...b/c let's be honest, how is everyone supposed to keep track of every feast day or what have you! I went to catholic school all my life and I don't even know them all...I only remember the ones I got off of school for!

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Honestly, they assume that you know those things. Don't take this the wrong way but The Church can't be expected to care about our budget or any other secular wedding concerns. They are there to perform the sacramet of marriage and that is the only thing they care about, we can't blame them. I'm getting married the day before Palm Sunday and can't decorate the Church becaue it's Holy Week, there is nothing I can do with it, nor would I even ask them to make an exception.

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You just contradicted yourself. In this topic you said they cant be exected to care and then in your latest comment you said they do care...Its also noones business how much anyone spends on their wedding. including the church. So if you're paying 40k for a wedding, they dont need to know that..

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Posted by annnng

Its funny that everyone says its not about the show. Then how come you used to be able to do all those things? I know it may seem like I'm bashing the church, but I'm not. If expressing a few feelings about it is bashing, then sorry you see it that way. Everyone expresses their feelings on here, and not everyone will always agree. Getting married in a church is very important to me. Otherwise I would be at the hall. Its my last sacrament(next to being laid to rest) that I wanna fullfill. Just makes it hard when you've had an image in your mind of what that moment will be like, and all you keep hearing is Cant have this, cant have that. When you hear others having it, and there was a time where it wasnt a problem.. I know not all places are the same, I get that. And as far as the readings go, i can definitely pick my own. noone said anything about that. Also, there is no DONATION.. its a fee. i think very few churches actually say 'give what you feel is right' When you're being told how much to give, that is a fee. And the church of allllllll places should care if you're on a budget. Every other vendor you deal with does. And NONE of you can say that you havent tried talking any of your vendors down. Not the RH, Photo, DJ, etc. You know you did.. And for the church not to understand if you have a budget, then thats just wrong.. I certainly did not say that was an issue for me, but it was brought up in a previous comment...

this topic has gotten way out of focus on why it was really started in the first place..

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Unfortunately all of that basically boils down to lawsuits...
Rose petals get slippery, Rice kills birds, you can trip on the aisle runner etc. Sad to say but there are too many people out there who would sue the churches for this, and they just cant have it as a liability. That is why it has changed from the past. Stinks, I know *(b/c I wanted that stuff too), but like I said, people are so quick to sue these days they can't take the chances u know??

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Posted by annnng

Its funny that everyone says its not about the show. Then how come you used to be able to do all those things? I know it may seem like I'm bashing the church, but I'm not. If expressing a few feelings about it is bashing, then sorry you see it that way. Everyone expresses their feelings on here, and not everyone will always agree. Getting married in a church is very important to me. Otherwise I would be at the hall. Its my last sacrament(next to being laid to rest) that I wanna fullfill. Just makes it hard when you've had an image in your mind of what that moment will be like, and all you keep hearing is Cant have this, cant have that. When you hear others having it, and there was a time where it wasnt a problem.. I know not all places are the same, I get that. And as far as the readings go, i can definitely pick my own. noone said anything about that. Also, there is no DONATION.. its a fee. i think very few churches actually say 'give what you feel is right' When you're being told how much to give, that is a fee. And the church of allllllll places should care if you're on a budget. Every other vendor you deal with does. And NONE of you can say that you havent tried talking any of your vendors down. Not the RH, Photo, DJ, etc. You know you did.. And for the church not to understand if you have a budget, then thats just wrong.. I certainly did not say that was an issue for me, but it was brought up in a previous comment...

this topic has gotten way out of focus on why it was really started in the first place..

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Many girls are allowed to do bubbles, aisle runners, etc...as many of us just said though. It's different than other vendors IMO because it's not a 'for profit' type of thing. The Church has a donation amount set up to keep the building running. Other vendors are making a profit; therefore, you can talk them down to a point that is still above cost, but lower than the initial point.

Plus how does anyone know they won't budge on price? Has anyone asked? And if so, did that person ask every single Church? Can we really claim that ALL Churches everywhere would not budge on price?

I personally would feel bad trying to talk down the church knowing I can pay that amount, and knowing that I am spending 60k on a wedding.
Im sure if you were strapped for cash, and not having a big elaborate wedding they would be ok with bringing down the price, but that IRISH GUILT would make me feel bad if I tried to cheapskate out on the church (and not saying anyone is...) JMO

Obviously this is a hot topic...but trust me when I say that I did not mean for this post to get this out of hand. I was simply asking about Holy days...and I am actually referring to All Souls Day and not All Saints Day.

Second, if any of you know the political bull**** I was dealing with with my parish, then I think you would all change your tone. So, before you continue to judge me and what is important, feel free to read the following:

I am not a practicing catholic but being married in the church is important to me and extremely important to my family! I have been doing everything I can to get someone from the church on the phone. My parish will not allow me to bring in a priest who is a very close and good family friend - and this is important to me to have him there! Second, I could go to his parish no questions asked....but my grandmother, who is one of the most important people in my life, is wheelchair bound and can't travel far distances so I am trying to figure this out....and mind you she has been an active memnber, along with her sister and my great grandfather, for over 50 years and how dare they not be able to make an exception to this highly 'political' rule that they have, just recently, put into place. (Some of you might know which parish I am referring to and some of you may not but the reason for my priest not being allowed to come back to his previous parish is more of something you would find in a high school and not in the priesthood). Third, most parishes do not allow for non-parishioners to be married. I was lucky enough to find one that is will to make an exception b/c they were open and willing to listen to the troubles I am currently having. And just when I thought I was on the right track...BAM...now this.

I understand rules and regulations and all of that...but some of you are right - why are some parishes more lenient than other??? Shouldn't they all follow the sale rules that have obviously been put into place buy a higher power?

I'm sorry to go off like this but some of these posts and comments made me so frustrated and upset. I don't appreciate people judging me from a simple question...and that's all it was...a simple question. Maybe if the church called me back after the many messages I left, then I would have found this out a lot sooner.


PS...I just did a google search for a list of holy days of obligations, and every single one I looked shows nothing about All Souls Day being a Holy Day of Obligation!

Don't get frustrated, and im a sure noone here was directing any negative comments towards you personally...
when you bring up religion or politics, it always gets messy!

My best advice to you, go to another church...if they can't respect your family enough to grant you the wishes you would like on your wedding day, they shouldn't have the honor of marrying you. im sure when it comes down to it, your family will understand and respect your decision. I wouldnt' be getting married at our church if my godfather (who is a priest) wasn't able to marrry me.

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Posted by lbkate

Don't get frustrated, and im a sure noone here was directing any negative comments towards you personally...
when you bring up religion or politics, it always gets messy!

My best advice to you, go to another church...if they can't respect your family enough to grant you the wishes you would like on your wedding day, they shouldn't have the honor of marrying you. im sure when it comes down to it, your family will understand and respect your decision. I wouldnt' be getting married at our church if my godfather (who is a priest) wasn't able to marrry me.

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Yes, topics of religions can get very messy...but thanks. I just wish my parish was a bit more understanding of my circumstances! They supposedly put out a letter over the summer saying that they except all parishioners getting married to be married in their parish with presently residing priests. All b/c someone can't play nice with others!

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Posted by bluehevn22

Obviously this is a hot topic...but trust me when I say that I did not mean for this post to get this out of hand. I was simply asking about Holy days...and I am actually referring to All Souls Day and not All Saints Day.

Second, if any of you know the political bull**** I was dealing with with my parish, then I think you would all change your tone. So, before you continue to judge me and what is important, feel free to read the following:

I am not a practicing catholic but being married in the church is important to me and extremely important to my family! I have been doing everything I can to get someone from the church on the phone. My parish will not allow me to bring in a priest who is a very close and good family friend - and this is important to me to have him there! Second, I could go to his parish no questions asked....but my grandmother, who is one of the most important people in my life, is wheelchair bound and can't travel far distances so I am trying to figure this out....and mind you she has been an active memnber, along with her sister and my great grandfather, for over 50 years and how dare they not be able to make an exception to this highly 'political' rule that they have, just recently, put into place. (Some of you might know which parish I am referring to and some of you may not but the reason for my priest not being allowed to come back to his previous parish is more of something you would find in a high school and not in the priesthood). Third, most parishes do not allow for non-parishioners to be married. I was lucky enough to find one that is will to make an exception b/c they were open and willing to listen to the troubles I am currently having. And just when I thought I was on the right track...BAM...now this.

I understand rules and regulations and all of that...but some of you are right - why are some parishes more lenient than other??? Shouldn't they all follow the sale rules that have obviously been put into place buy a higher power?

I'm sorry to go off like this but some of these posts and comments made me so frustrated and upset. I don't appreciate people judging me from a simple question...and that's all it was...a simple question. Maybe if the church called me back after the many messages I left, then I would have found this out a lot sooner.


PS...I just did a google search for a list of holy days of obligations, and every single one I looked shows nothing about All Souls Day being a Holy Day of Obligation!

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I don't think anyone is judging you. You are in a tough situation...that is for sure. I think a lot of comments were directed at other people, since this got to be such a long topic.

I just think that people are suggesting that unfortunately, although it is not what you want, the best way for you to deal with this would be to either switch your date or find another Church.

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Posted by bluehevn22

I understand rules and regulations and all of that...but some of you are right - why are some parishes more lenient than other??? Shouldn't they all follow the sale rules that have obviously been put into place buy a higher power?

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I can understand why you would think all churches should have the same rules but you also have to realize that some of these church's rules stem from experience and things that may have happened. I also think that they are more lenient and flexible to people who are and have been active parishioners. My FH and I have been going to my church for the last few years and when we told our priest that we were engaged he was ecstatic and simply said he would do everything in his power to make our ceremony as personal as we wanted but that there were still rules that had to be followed. I just think that some people (not saying that your doing this) think getting married in a church is a formality and the reception is the most important when it should be the other way around. So why should a church be flexible and lenient to someone wanting to get married in their church that they havent been to for years....

Anyhow, I really hope everything works out for you and your church ceremony and reception are everything you've ever dreamed of

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Posted by bluehevn22

Thanks MrsVMW!!!!!

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No prob, good luck!!

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Posted by flibbertigibbet

I think for anyone having problems with their church... as said here already -- some parishes are more flexible than others.

Try a different one.

I just got married in a Catholic church and they were super flexible about everything.

No, I wasn't allowed to use a runner but it was for 'lawsuit' concerns not a problem with it being a Catholic church.

Whoever said that they didn't like that the church had to be #1. OF COURSE THEY SHOULD BE #1.

If you don't agree with this, you shouldn't be getting married in a Catholic church.

They talked about this at length during our ceremony. You can 'get married' anywhere. At the courthouse, on a beach, at Disney World etc. But you can only have the Sacriment of Holy Matrimony performed one place if you're Catholic.

It's important to them and if you're a practicing Catholic then it'd be important to you too.

Every church tells you to clear the date with them before you do ANYTHING else. So, if you didn't follow the most basic instructions - -that's not their fault.

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Well said! Wow!