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for LI brides who moved away...

jenheartsrob Posted:

for LI brides who moved away...

My FH and I have been doing the long distance thing for 5 years... I will be finishing graduate school in May and am looking for a teaching job on Long Island (impossible, right?) as well as in the Maryland/DC area where his job currently is. I just got a phone call yesterday offering me an early offer of employment in Fairfax County, VIRGINIA. The offer is only good for 2 weeks though. there's no way i'd hear about anything on Long island within that time period. I really am having a hard time reconciling the idea of moving away from my family and friends, but at the same time am trying to look at it as a little adventure with my FH. I know a handful of you ladies have upped and moved to GA, FL, etc.. and was hoping you could share some of your experiences with me...

I know I should be excited that I just got a really great job offer, but at the same time, it's like sealing my plane ticket to move, ya know?

sigh.... thanks in advance!
nickipa Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

my situation is a bit different, but i think still applies. FH is from LI, im from upstate, we both went to school upstate and had jobs after school there. then ~3 years ago, he got a great job offer here that he couldn't pass up.....and we had to decide what do to....
well here i am. things have worked out well, i have a job i love, he has a job he loves. it did take a while to start to meet friends, but it happens, you just have to get out there and get involved. I miss my family and my friends from home, but we visit often and overall we are happy.
my best advice is talk to your FH about it, really think about if the job is what you want and don't rush into anything. i know you have a deadline, but maybe if you explain your situation you could have more time to think about it. are you able to go down and check out the area as well??? Good luck, I hope everything works out!
july06bride Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

my situation is different too- but I am from LI- FH was born in ecuador but came here as a teenager and his family now lives in CT.

We met in college ...in CT
my parents are still on LI

Well, after I graduated I got a job-fh and I moved in together...and here we are...

It is not always easy being away from my family especially since we are so close, but it is okay.
I am fortunate, that my dad is retiring and they are moving to CT to be closer to me...(even though with Fh's new job- (possibly) we will be traveling A LOT...so we are back in the same boat again...

anyway, my suggestion to you is, weigh the good and bad...talk about it with FH...how will it benefit your future, is it worth it? remember....nothing is permanent...if you dont like it come home! good luck
lacey&mark Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

we are moving to NC right after the wedding so i can start my grad program there and he can settle with his job there (he will be expanding business fgor his current company). his parents are moving to NC in 2 years and we have close family friends on his side that already live there, so we wont be totally isolated out there (though his parents will be hours away from us). its hard to leave my family behind, but some of my siblings have already moved south (GA, FL...). its too much $$$ for us to stay here on long island AND i wouldn't be able to find a job as a school counselor after grad school here...so moving was best for US and once you are married, that's what you have to think about. family can always visit us and vice versa. you have to do whats best for you and you fh. best wishes! ~Lacey

SomethingBlu Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

Not a LI bride, but a LIW bride...

In the process of moving for a number of reasons...it basically comes down to what you want out of life and how much NY means to you. It meant a great deal to my DH because his family is still here, not so much to me because my family lives where we're moving. After making a gazillion lists we decided to move because:

1) We could actually afford a house...as in our own home. Brand new...4 bedrooms or more and for the most part they're under $200K.

2) We could actually have children since we'll have a house and cost of living is much lower.

3) Cost of living is much lower...quality of life much higher.

4) Jobs, on average, pay the same or more than here...so to us it makes no sense to stay.

5) I could finish college and he could continue as well. Things that are hard to do here when you work all the time and are always tired.

6) We'll work to live not live to work and hope that his family 'sees the light' and joins us.

7) We're moving to a suburb near a major Metropolitan city. So while it's not NY, we'll have culture and nightlife close by.

Again, these are personal choices and you have to do what's best for you and your FH. Weigh the options and good luck!
drtrish03 Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

Once again, my situation is a little different also. I moved to GA to go to grad school. My WHOLE family is in NY, and we are VERY close! I had every intention of moving back up after I graduated, but.....met my FH and everything changed.

I miss home, family and friends alot, that is not even a question! My life now, is where my FH is (and my future step children).

Like the above posts said....you have to weigh your pros and cons, figure out what is important to you both as a couple....job, money, house, kids, etc. And figure out if those things would be better or easier for you in NY or in VA. It's not an easy decision! And it's not easy being away from family, but you will make friends, and those friends will turn out to be your family, I promise!

This decision can't be made hastily (sp?), so if you can get more time, definitely try!

FM me if you want to chat. I'll help you as much as I can! Believe me sweetheat, we feel for ya. We know what you're going through. But you have us to help you through it!
jenheartsrob Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

thank you ladies for your help....and for sharing your stories!

Financially, it would be the best move for us.... however, it is just a lot to swallow for me to leave my family behind...
leese Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

i'm moving to jersey the day after the wedding. it's like 50 minutes on a good day, 1 1/2 hours on a bad day, 4 hours if some numbskull gets into an accident on the GW Bridge.

it took me 4 years of dating my FH to be ok with moving there. i almost did a few times before. it's not the same situation as you, since i'm just as close in jersey as i would be if i moved to riverhead from my parents house. but...there is still going to be those moments when i wish i could just pop over for five minutes.

although i don't have advice about how to cope, i do have one piece of advice regarding when to move. you should only do it when it feels completely right. not when you think it's a good idea, or because an amazing job came up, or pressure or anything. if you do move away from your family and friends it should be the right time for you. the universe will keep moving if you take this job or not and you need to be 100% about your decision.

i am 100% confident of my decision now (well, and I am the last of my friends still living at home). but two years ago, i was not.

i wish you the best of luck in your quest for answers!
BelMal Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

I understand what you are going through. I just received notice that I got my cardiology residency in Virginia...residency starts in July...wedding in October. So pretty much I have until July to plan the whole wedding...and of course will have to fly back up for the weekend to get married and run back to Virginia afterwards. No honeymoon I am sure it will be worthwhile in the long run. Good luck on your decision...remember the long run
coxmandi Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

You will love Fairfax!

I live in northern VA, and I love it. You aren't that far from NY, its only 5-6 hours by car, or a quick plane or train ride away.

I'm leaving for my wedding/honeymoon but FM me and I'll respond when I get home.
SomethingBlu Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

Posted by jenheartsrob

thank you ladies for your help....and for sharing your stories!

Financially, it would be the best move for us.... however, it is just a lot to swallow for me to leave my family behind...


My DH, who originally thought of leaving NY even though his family (and mom!! ) are here said that 'family is me and you and our future kids, wherever you are'...yes, you'll miss your parents and such, but as long as you have your DH close by it should be OK. And as the other wonderful ladies stated, you're close enough to pop in whenever you feel lonely. Heck, we drive to GA and although 12 hours is long...at least we can drive up here when wanting to see fam (or fly).

But ultimately, this is a decision that you have to want and only you can make peace with it. Good luck, I know it's one of the hardest ones!
kmay17 Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

Hey! This is my first relpy to a post, but I feel for you! I'm a teacher as well, and couldn't get a job on LI. So, I moved to VA. I live in Reston, VA (Fairfax County) right now, and I teach in Leesburg, Loudoun County. I Love It!!! Loudoun County is hiring another 750 teachers for next year. So, don't feel pressured into accepting a job now, there are plenty around here. I got to pick the grade I wanted to teach (1st). I work with the best teachers, and my principal is great! Unfortunately, I'm moving again to either New York or Rhode Island so I will be leaving my school .

If you have any questions, just ask!!
sr081906 Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

Well my situation is also different.

I moved to the South because of 'ex' husband. It was fine at the begining but after a few years, I got bored there. I did not like the country. I only stayed because I was married and his family was from there.

Although I will admit the cost of leaving was great.

But when my marriage went 'sour' (unrelated to location), I knew I would move back to a big city.

Boston&NY2006 Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

I've lived in Boston since I went to college in 1998...I moved here 'permanently' in 2002 when I took a job here after graduation. Yes, it's been hard on my parents, and it's rough being away from my friends and family, but honestly, it's not that far away. Moving to Boston has been the most wonderful decision I've ever made. I still see my friends and family all the time, and it makes it that much better because we see one another for an entire weekend and really make it an 'event.' I don't take it for granted anymore when I see my parents/sisters/friends. I love NY and am so proud that I grew up in Queens, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere but Boston. I have made so many friends here, and have completely adjusted to living in New England. I'm sure that as long as you have your DH, you will love whatever city/town you choose to live in. I know it's hard to move away, but sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to get out of your 'comfort zone.' You can always move back to NY, right?

kase21 Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

I lived in Northern Virginia for a while and it's great. Fairfax is a nice area, and there are plenty of flights to NY (less then 1 hour) or trains and it's within driving distance (approx 6hrs).

I only came home to plan my wedding and save by living at home. I'm actually moving again once the wedding is over and will be living in San Diego, CA. You can't get much farther away than that. Virginia was far, but close enough to be able to go home on a moments notice. It's a pretty nice area and the school systems are pretty progressive and active.

Moving can be hard, especially when it's away from family, but Virginia is accessible and may be a great experience for you.
klingklang77 Posted:

Re: for LI brides who moved away...

again, my situation is a little different.

i moved to australia in february 2005 to be with FH and to do my MA. we were apart for 6 months before that, and before that 6 months we were 2gether in germany. right now i am in NY and FH is in sydney while i plan the wedding and wait on the visa paperwork.

i am moving there for a few years after the wedding. we hope to move back to NY in a few years. it is really hard to be far away from my family, but i have to live my life. i had to go over what is good for me and i love FH and couldnt imagine my life without him. i guess maybe my desicion is a little different from yours, as that i had to either move or we had to break up. he cant move here b/c he just got a job and in order for him to transfer to a firm here, he has to work for them for a few years before a transfer. also looking for a job here is hard for him, b/c he does australian law, not US law.

the cost of living there is about the same, maybe a little cheaper there. moving is really hard, but in time you meet people.

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