for the Moms who went back to work

While I am not pregnant yet, I will be TTC in the Spring. It has been my dream to be a SAHM but with the prices of a home sky rocketing and the property taxes that we pay DH and I just do not think we will be able to manage on one income, unless we live in a tiny 1 bedroom raising our children. I would like to know how some of you went back and work and were okay with leaving your baby in daycare. This is very, very heartbreaking for me, and I would like to know more about how you adjusted.

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

I am not a mom yet, but I WILL be going back to work when I am. Unfortunately, Pat and I enjoy a fairly extravagant lifestyle, which we wouldn't be able to swing on one salary. On the plus side, he will probably be able to work nights and stay home with the baby during the day. I am hoping and crossing my fingers that this DOES work out. When he gets promoted, he goes back to the bottom of the seniority list, and that could screw up our plan. In that case, I'd like to have a nanny in my home until the baby is ready for toddler pre-school (about 2 years old).

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

I am praying that my boss let's me work from home 2-3 days per week (which I sorta do now anyway) and then I would have a nanny in my home. But what about those mom's who don't want to go back, but do. How do you handle it? I understand women who want to work, but I am just not comfortable with leaving a 3 month old with someone else.

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

Oh believe me, I don't WANT to go back to work... There just isn't a logical way around it for us.

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

I also will TTC on my honeymoon and I do not want to have to go back to work when I give birth. I can't imagine anyone else with my baby. They wouldn't spend the time or effort that I would caring for him/her or trying to teach them what I would.

But we also, want a house, and can get it faster with 2 incomes.

I'd be so afraid of a nanny. I'd definately have the camera watching her. To see some of these abuse things you see on TV is heart breaking. Who do you trust?

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

It's so true that having a nanny could be risky, but of course we'd go through personal recommendations and REASEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH! Lots of friends of mine have used nannies, and naturally I'd check references (it helps to have a cop in the family who knows lots of investigators ) I'd be much happier with someone who watches my baby and my baby alone than putting my child in a 4 to 1 daycare setting. Come to think of it, I'd probably invest in a nanny cam, too!

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

While I'm not TTC right now either, I already know I'll definitely NOT want to go back to work right away. Maybe once the child is in school most of the day. Hopefully we'll be able to afford it, but I'm sure it will be hard.

My co-worker just came back from her leave, after having her first child, and I think it's really difficult for her. It's one thing to have your child looked after by family or relatives, but quite another to leave with strangers....

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

another potential issue is the comparison between your take home salary and child care costs. If you'll barely break even, or worse even lose $$ by paying day care, then what's the point?! Unless of course you can't get on your spouses benefits or something.....ugh!

We're just trying to save now and hopefully things will work out!

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

4 weeks away!
well- we are planning on me returning to work as I make a lot more than hubby. I am not comfortable w/ someone in my home while I am at work. Inlaws are out of the question as they both need to continue to work & keep their medical benefits...and my parents are deceased.

It is not an easy decision...and I am sure going to have a hard time of it when I have to return to work 3/1.

I am hoping that my boss will let me work from home 2-3 days a week..last yr, someone in a lower position changed her work skedto a 4 day week and one day at home. I am looking at trying to keep it 5 days- with 2 or 3 at home.

Went and bought A laptop which the techs need to program...and I have a printer, fax machine and second phone line- so I am really set.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

If I worked from home 3 days a week then I would be in the house with the nanny and my baby so that would be fine. And the other 2 days a week when I went into the office I would have to trust her. But I would think by that point I would or else I wouldn't let her into the house at all.

I want to stay home for the 1st 5 years but with homes costing as much as they do we just cannot swing it. It isn't about living a jet-setters life style either. I am willing to give up expensive vacations, dinners out, expensive gifts for the holidays but it is hard to give up a place to raise a family. I am not looking at $400K homes either. It is just the cost of raising a family here. Plus ballet lessons, drum lessons, soccor, etc....all cost money. Once the baby is in the house the expenses go up, not down. And I make more than enough to cover day care plus our mortgage- I wouldn't be working just to cover day care. If that were the case I would stay home in a second.

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

Michele, it's a VERY tough situation and a heartbreaking one at that!

But, if you need to work, you need to work. (I don't know how people can afford to work on one salary in this day and age anyway)

My only advice is to find someone that you completely trust to stay with your baby (and who also has the same beliefs in raising a child as you and your husband do)

If your boss will allow you to work 2 or 3 days from home anyway, than that's half the battle.

Good luck to you!

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

I am struggling with this situation right now. This is a tough decision, but two incomes on LI is just about an absolute requirement, which is sad for family life.

However, I strongly caution all those considering working from home while having the baby in the house to THINK AGAIN. You will not (I repeat - WILL NOT) be able to be productive and concentrate fully on your job - as much as you might think you can, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE to turn off your 'instinct' to run to the child if he/she crys or needs attention.

While I am not presently working, and I see hubby (who does work from our home) struggle with this every DAY. He tries to tune the baby out - hubby isn't the primary care giver for our child - and he finds this extremely difficult to do.

Unless you plan on buying a tremendous home with a completely separate wing for the nanny to stay with the child, you can plan on getting nothing done for work.

And in my opinion - it's totally unfair to your employer and what's the point in working? Even if you have a fat paycheck, you will be MISERABLE b/c you will constantly feel pulled in two directions, AND your child will grow up feeling like he/she always had to compete with your job for your attention.

Re: for the Moms who went back to work

Michele, I feel the exact same way you do. We aren't married yet (getting married in May) but we've talked about this a million times. Our solution: To hold off having children until we have a certain dollar amount in the bank that makes us feel comfortable to have me home. I always always always said I would never work once I start having kids, not atleast until they are in kindergarden but like you say -- living on LI with one income is so hard! So I am willing to go back part time if necessary but not full time. To me its worth waiting it out the extra year in order to stay home.