For those already married...

I know I should post on the Newlywed board but I know this board is a lil more active.

Let me preface my situation by saying that DH and I paid for the WHOLE wedding ourselves.

My parents asked me last night for a list of our side of the family and what gifts they gave. When I had asked, 'WHY' they responded with, 'We gave to their children and we want to make sure they returned the gift.'

Isn't this a lil strange? Did anyone give their parents a list if you paid for the wedding? I was so appalled that I didn't know what to say. I told them I had to talk to DH about this because it's his wedding too. How do I tactfully tell my parents that I don't want to do this? I had told them last night that I don't feel that it's right for them to know what people gave us because they're our gifts. They resonded with, 'We want to know what to give them when the time comes.' I don't know what to say anymore!

Please give me some advice!!

Re: For those already married...

No!!! We paid for our wedding ourselves also, but our parents didn't ask us for a list of family memebers and what they gave.
Tell them to give whatever they feel is right.
I would never give them a list for this reason.

Re: For those already married...

My in-laws asked for the list. I was a little put off and didn't want to give it to them, but DH didn't see anythign wrong with it, so I told him if his Mom wanted it, he could make the list of ONLY her side. She said she wanted it so she could give the same gift when the time came. Aren't you supposed to give what you can afford and feel comfortable with????

Re: For those already married...

My Mother paid for the whole wedding and still would never dream of asking us for a list of our gifts. Of course, I tell my Mom everything anyway, but she would never base her gift to someone, on what their parents gave me.

If you are uncomfortable with giving them the list them tell them so and explain that they should give what they can and what they feel is appropriate.

Re: For those already married...

As distasteful as this is, I have heard of Brides keeping a book of gifts...from the shower presents to wedding presents...so the family knows exactly what their responsibility is on the flip side. (also, so they know who didn't cover thier plate for the next wedding). It's a little icky, and you shouldn't feel bad telling your parents that it's an outdated custom, and that they should give whatever amount they want to whomever they choose...it doesn't have to be tit for tat.....

Re: For those already married...

My mom asked me for the same thing! And we paid for our won wedding also! I gave it to her, but I only gave her the family list. She does have a point... one of my distant cousin's weddings is coming up... his parents gave us a VERY GENEROUS gift. Now my mom is going to give extra to him since they were so generous to us If you feel uncomfortable though then it is your choice.

Re: For those already married...

We were not asked to do this by our parents. We were still staying at my in laws when we opened cards and my mom was still there for the weekend so they asked about a few people but nothing demanding like a list.

I would say to your parents, we are very happy with everyone's generosity and don't feel like we need to break down who gave what. They may get annoyed but they'll get over it. It was your wedding not theirs so its none of their business how much you got.

Re: For those already married...

---

Posted by jfabbride

My in-laws asked for the list. I was a little put off and didn't want to give it to them, but DH didn't see anythign wrong with it, so I told him if his Mom wanted it, he could make the list of ONLY her side. She said she wanted it so she could give the same gift when the time came. Aren't you supposed to give what you can afford and feel comfortable with????

---

That's what I thought. I just don't want to be rude and say NO to my parents I just don't think this is right.

Re: For those already married...

My parents only asked us for what a couple of the family members gave. Since my parents and I are very close and my parents also paid for our entire reception, I told them. We had alot of family friends from grandmothers to the grandchildren invited to our wedding. Some of them that were not married. My parents asked that when it was time for their weddings, they would like to know what the gifts were so they can return the favor of the generous gifts that all of them gave us.

The reason your parents are asking is that they are not giving a cheaper gift than your guest gave you.

Re: For those already married...

I know that this is going to be the first question out of my in-laws mouths. They need to know how much $$$ everything is costing and everything is relvoved around $$ and presents. Since my MIL's famous words are 'everyone knows i give good gifts'.

I need a good comeback girls.

Re: For those already married...

---

Posted by Jo Ann

I know that this is going to be the first question out of my in-laws mouths. They need to know how much $$$ everything is costing and everything is relvoved around $$ and presents. Since my MIL's famous words are 'everyone knows i give good gifts'.

I need a good comeback girls.

---

We didn't tell our parents what anything cost us because we didn't feel it was necessary because we were paying for the wedding. It did hurt my father that I didn't tell him how much a plate was at the Sheraton but I didn't fell as though he needed to know if he wasn't paying for it. I know this list thing is going to annoy me until I just give it to them. I'm just annoyed at the fact that they 'need' to see it.

Re: For those already married...

My MIL asked for list before we were even married. I told DH I thought it was BS, but he insisted we just give it to her. She was actually a bit mad about some of them. For example, 2 couples that she's friends with wanted to bring their cousins who were flying in from Italy to my wedding and I said no way. My wedding was not a source of entertainment for strangers and I thought they had a lot of balls to even suggest it. Well I guess they weren't too happy about that because they gave us a pretty cheap boost as far as MIL was concerned. One of their daughters is engaged and my IL's plan on giving her the same gift they gave me.
Yes it's an old school mentality, but hey, if that's how she wants to do things than that's her perogative.