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For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

Original post by cw0904

Recently I have started to feel really weird. The fact that I will no longer be living with my family, no longer have my own room, my own section, my own space. Except for when I was in college, I have lived with my family all my life and a little under 8 months from now my living arrangements will change forever. No more my sister screaming at me from her room, or my mom yelling at us from the bottom of the stairs for dinner. No more seeing my dad come home from the gym at night and talking to him while he eats his salad. No more helping my parents unpack the groceries or walking both dogs in the morning. No more lets go out to dinner or lunch because my mom doesn't feel like cooking. It will soon be we only go out to dinner for the special occasions with my family.
I know it seems silly and I talk to FH about this all the time. A part of me doesn't want to let go of my childhood. Sometimes I cry about it. I sit on the floor and look around my room at all my things. Memories I have had since I was a baby. I still have my first dress I wore when I was released from the hospital. I also think about what will I take with me when I move in with FH.

Don't get me wrong I love FH to death, he is my soul mate, my best friend. But the thought of leaving the comfort of my home is the scariest thing for me. I think I am more scared about this than I was when I studied abroad an entire summer in France and went by myself to a new place. If anything, my parents were more worried about me.

Then I get all excited at the fact we will be with each other everyday for the rest of our lives... To wake up next to him every morning makes me smile when I think about it. When I imagine all the memories we will share in our place makes me smile.

I think that since we are having a long engagement and all the big vendors are booked, I have more time to think about things. The thing is is FH doesn't really understand too much as we are going to live in his parents basement. We will have our own amenities but its stilll under the roof that he lives in now. None of my friends can really relate b/c they are either way past the newleywed stage or still live at home with their folks. My MOH is married and lives with her parents so she has no idea why I feel this way.

Is anyone else feeling weird like me?
dandj Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I felt the exact same way...I lived at home for 32 years (kind of pathetic actually, but hey it was cheap and I had my meals cooked, and my laundry done), so it was really hard to think about permanently living anywhere else. In fact the only time I cried over the wedding was the night before after I brushed my teeth in the bathroom for the last time before going to sleep in my bed. Its been almost a year now, but it is SO nice living with DH that I can't imagine going back to there. Once you are in the situation and it happens it makes it so much easier... thinking about doing something is usually worse.

It will get easier - you just have to concentrate on the fun, exciting part of living together and having your OWN home. That was the part I was most looking forward to about getting married - and so far its been the best part even though I still miss my house and my own bed!
palebride Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I agree totally - i am 27 and have lived in this house for the last 25 year with the exception of the years in college and one year I tried to be n my own. Everyday that I come home from worka nd my parents are right there with questions and comments and bugging me...I can't wait to move out. But then reading all of these posts, I start to get a little teary-eyed because I know how much I'm ging to miss them.

When I went away to college, I cried for the first month - almost every night - in the corner of the room (it was pretty pathetic). But I got used to it and I loved it. I guess this is sort of the same, sort of. It will be hard as hell at first, but eventually, it will be a lot easier to deal with and we'll even be able to enjoy it!

That, and since we don't live together now - I can't wait to come home every day and have him there to tak to - IN PERSON...and not on the phone!

It's exciting and scary at the same time.
cw0904 Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

Why did I just get emotional after my mom just called me to tell me that she left some ceviche for me and my sister for dinner. She is going out and my dad doesn't get back from Panama till tomorrow so we are alone tonight. And then she says and I left you ladies some rice too. She just called to let me know that b/c shrimp ceviche is me and my sister's favorite!! Awwww see what I mean....
Olgaki Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

Scoop Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I lived at home my whole life, even during college. When I got back from my honeymoon...it felt so weird to go 'home' to a new place. I was homesick for about a month but now, my new home with my husband feels so right. When I go to my parents house now....I feel like a visitor.

112903 Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I know how you feel...I have never been away. Never went a way to school and the longest vacation I ever had was 9 nights....I look at my house and say soon I will be a geust with a key.. My home will be my apt. with FI (DH at that point) but I must say I am very excited to move on...

anna Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

Wanda, You are SOOO Not alone in this!!! As much as I hated the small room I had, and the fact that it was so close to the kitchen and I NEVER had privacy, I got really mushy the last week or 2 that I was home. I would stare at the walls, and look around and rmember being 6 and 12 and playing with my dolls on the bed. I remembered soo many things that we did together, my siblings and I , and got soo teary just thinknig that a new phase in my life was about to begin. John is an only child, so he really didnt part with much of a sibling-ring like I did.

We see eachother VERY often (at least 2-3X a month), but the very beginning was so hard. Moving to LI from Queens. culture shock. I missed the noise, the hustle and bustle, my mothers loud voice, my sister screaming across the house (well she got married b4 me, so that was another boo-hoo time for me altogether)

But there were days when john would say 'isnt this peace and quiet SOOO BEAUTIFUL' and id say 'oh yeah' as my eyes welled up with tears. I grew up in a very loud house, we speak loud everyone talking at the same time, telling stories, asking questions, a million things going on. people coming in and out of the house, central station, lol. so to me it was a huge adjustment. I always say it was SO MUCH HARDER than MOTHERHOOD for me !

Now, 2 1/2 years later, when I visit queens, I kinda cant wait to get back home. I got used to the calm shopping, and parking spots ALWAYS available everywhere, the NO MORE PARALLEL PARKING!
and just having so much more living space. But dont get me wrong, where I was born and grew up will always have a special place in my heart.


OK, now do you feel better that youre not weird??


Edited to add: that was SOOO sweet of your mommy, tell her you love her !
and her good cooking wont stop when you leave!
My mom always sends us home with trays of food, fresh, to-be-frozen stuff for storage, lol, and everything in between.

june262004 Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I understand I never even went to college. Its like I hate to change my last name cause Thats me. THats my identity. and I was like im going to ~ name and use my FH last name most of the time but still keep my name so I dont have to change everything. And at first FH was ok with this but now when I say it he gets a little upset. Its going to be so strange not having my family around. But it will be ok.

kmcwed Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I completely relate to everyone's posts.

I moved into this house when I was 3 years old. I'm 33 now! I'm married, but because of some construction issues, I'm still living here and my DH is living in his house in the Bronx.

I was going to move out in my mid 20s, but my grandmother was living with us and had dementia. I stayed home to help with her caretaking. She passed away in 2000, when I was 31. So I ended up staying here a lot longer than I thought I would.

By then I was seeing my DH and he told me not to move out, that it would be 'premature.' He was planning for us to get engaged, and figured I would need the extra money for the wedding and everything. So I stayed here some more!

The thought of living somewhere else is definitely strange. I will miss all the little routines that have developed in the family. This is the only house I've known, so it's even a little scary (yes! at 33 it still scary) to think of living somewhere else. What's even stranger for me is that I will be moving from Patchogue to the Bronx! It's going to be like night and day.

While sometimes I look around me and feel sad about leaving, I have to honestly say at 33 years old, as attached as I am to this house, I CANNOT WAIT to get the heck out of here!!! LOL!!!!

I have held myself back for a long time to help the family out, and I really feel like it's MY turn to have a life of my own. I'm looking foward to having my own things, cooking meals, and even cleaning in my OWN house. I'm looking foward to having a yard of my own, maybe plant a veggie garden and to basically start a whole new family, even if it's just my DH and I.

Hopefully his house will be ready soon! I can't STAND it anymore!!! LOL!!!

Leaving the comfortable and familiar behind is always sad and can be scarey. But like someone else said, there is a whole new and exciting world out there for us. It's going to be such an adventure!!! Leaving your home doesn't mean cutting yourself off from your family entirely. It will all be great!!

Karen
BriBri529 Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I can relate- I get so emotional when I think about leaving home. I guess it is totally normal. I am super close with my parents and brother, it's hard to imagine not living with them anymore. But there are more times when I get psyched about getting married and starting a future with my FI.

EvenEdan Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

Wanda, I feel the exact same way too. Except for going away to college my home has been my home since the day I came home from the hospital. I love the atmosphere and the chemistry in my house. I feel so sad when I think of leaving it, partly because I know everyone here at home is sad about it! But, when I imagine myself living at home when I am in my thirties and forties that snaps me right out of it. LOL. I just remind myself that it's time to go to the next phase of my life. I feel so lucky to have had a home and a family that is difficult to leave, I have some friends that couldn't wait to get out of their houses and never looked back. I am also blessed to have this wonderful, amazing FH that I can't wait to start a life with.

2003fallwedding Posted:

Re: For those that don't live with FH-I am feeling weird... long

I can relate too!! I am so glad to see I am not the only one who feels like this. I have been living at home my whole life except for the 2 years I went away to school. As much as my family annoys me, I will miss living in my house. I have my own apartment in my parents basement so it is kinda like living on my own but all I have to do is walk upstairs and there is Mom reading the paper or watching Soap Net . I do get nervous and emotional when I think about packing up all my stuff and moving into my Fiances house, it is not even 10 mintues away from where I am now but it will be wierd going home to a different house. We can all be sad together
Tracy

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