Fr. Fehrenbacher

I don''t want to ruffle anyone''s feathers, however if you go and speak with any Priest at your local parish, He will tell you that a marriage is not recognized by the church unless the ceremony is actually celebrated in a church. Also, as far as Mr. Fehrenbacher goes, have you asked yourselves why he gets 350-500 dollars per wedding? A Priest in a church asks for a donation which goes to the parish, not a set figure to put in his pocket. In the opinion of the Catholic Church, anyone who is married by Mr. Fehrenbacher is not recognized in the eyes of God and the church. Furthermore, you just made a rather large donation to the church of Fehrenbacher.

Alli - you are incorrect... (this is LONG)

The reason that the Church allows a dispensation is so that couples of different faiths can be married - outside the Church - without forcing the 'non-Catholic' to marry IN a Church while also allowing the Catholic partner to have their marriage recognized as a Sacrament. Just for your information, and the information of other interfaith and perhaps uninformed Catholic brides, there are 2 forms of dispensation required, both of which I received. The first form is to marry a 'non-Baptized Catholic' (Disparity of Worship)and the other form is to allow Catholics to 'marry in a place outside of the Church' called a 'Dipensation from form'. 'Since 1970 new procedures make it possible for the bishop to dispense from the canonical form in some cases of mixed marriages. Through this dispensation the couple can obtain permission to be married in a non-Catholic church. The Church would then fully recognize such a marriage.' Amen! :) As for Father Fehrenbacher (he is a Father), he`s a retired, ordained Roman Catholic Priest who has a differing view of the Catholic Church. The fact that he earns $350 to officiate a marriage should not insult you. He has a right to earn a living like any other officiant. Personally, what I didn`t like was that he was quick to dismiss the entire 'dispensation process' when I spoke to him. As I said, he has a differing view of the Church. To each his/her own! Thanks for reading!! Best of luck all! :)

More on his fee...(also long)

I not only ditto eveything Kathi said, my aunt is a Catholic nun & before getting married outside the church (which both of us frankly didn`t mind doing, but we were inquiring for our families` sakes), we sat down & had a long discussion with her. Additionally, I have more information regarding his fee. The fee goes towards two things: 1) the parish he is affliated with post-retirement, St. Sebastian`s and 2) Fr. Fehrenbacher is heavily active in aiding Central American countries & working with children in that part of the world. He travels there at least once a year. That money goes towards that cause as well. I`m not naive enough to think nothing goes in his pocket, but I also know wedding fees that go in many other priests` pockets all over the country in many parishes. And if you want to know the 'official Vatican ruling'...no priest should be collecting ANY fees for performing a holy sacrament. Whether named a donation or not. My best friend got married in Italy & fees are not collected there, in any form, under any name. But in the US, I don`t know of a church that doesn`t require a 'donation'. That`s just the way it is! Good luck.

Some more on the fee..

I have spoken to several RC churches and here is what i have been told... 1- To be married in a parish you must become part of that parish. When i asked how I do that at least 3 plainly told me that I need to contribute $$$ every Sunday. They also said that if i don't attend mass to send the check in a provided envelope. 2-For a wedding you are required to pay a 'donation' fee for use of the church. In addition, you are expected to 'tip' your priest somewhere in the area of $200. This money does indeed go directly to the priest for his use. Frankly, I am quite disguisted that the church handles these things as purely a business transaction. And I am also aware there are some wonderful priests and parishes out there who don't follow this routine, but there are many that do. I can see how ugly this thread is going to get. We all need to understand that everyone intentions are good (trying to share information) so lets try to keep it clean.

I agree with Sonicstef, Kathi and Cecily D ...

This thread need not get ugly ... I don't know what Allie posted what she did. I was highly insulted after reading what she wrote, since I am being married by Fr. Fehrenbacher. Cecily is right, his 'fee' is split amongst helping people in Central America and the church he is associated with. Honestly, I did not think that I would have gotten a dispensation since we are two baptized catholics marring outside the church. But I felt that we had the right, not the Church, to choose where we wanted to share our vows. To each his/her own!!!

I think any marriage anywhere is recognized in God's eyes ..

This whole world was created by God, why only get married in the Church!

Respect other opinions & viewpoints

I don't think that anyone should be insulted by what Allie posted. I agree that she may have made some strong statements without having all the facts straight. But, as a Catholic, I can relate to her frustration with the fact that the Church collects 'fees' or 'donations' for the sacrament of marriage. Those of us who believe very strongly in the magic of true love and the power of finding your soulmate, feel that it's contradictory for a house of worship to turn a sacrament into a financial transaction. But, as someone else posted, this is unfortunately the world we live in. Personally, b/c of my upbringing, I find it difficult to accept that God bestows his blessings on marriages outside his house of worship. That is why I chose to marry in the Church, despite my gripe with the 'donation.' But, I also believe that if your vows are taken with open hearts, for good and bad until death parts you, then you are blessed with the love of one another. And that is powerful, no matter what. Where to marry remains a personal choice of each bride and groom, and we should all respect each others beliefs and opinions. Otherwise, there's no sense in using this board as a resource. Good luck!

Tithing and donations

Just a thought - so many people today are not tithing, in fact many do not even attend regularly and support the church through their volunteerism or their donations. Yet when they are ready to get married they want the church to be there for them. Maybe if the churches were full every Sunday and everyone was tithing their full share then churches would not need to request 'donations' or charge a fee. I did not object at all to a fee. We were not members of the parish, but hubby was a personal friend of the priest so we were able to marry within his church. I was glad to offer up my thanks in the form of a monatary donation. In fact, we thought it somewhat humorous that they asked for a $100 'late start' deposit which would be refunded if we started within 5 minutes of the agreed upon time. They had so many brides & grooms that had selfishly and rudely kept everyone, from organist to alter servers and guests waiting for as much as an hour, that they had to impose the fee so there was some hope of keeping on schedule and so a late start did not intrude on any following weddings. Just curious - how is it handled within the Jewish religion and at synagogues? I recall working for someone once, and he would recieve an annual bill for about $6000 for his family of four to belong to the synagogue. They didn`t rely on donations - you just got a bill you were expected to pay. Is a fee imposed on top of that for weddings or as a member, would there be no extra charges?

Donations

I also paid a 'fee' not only to the Church, but to the organist. It does seem weird paying for the performance of a Sacrament, but I have to agree with Karen that in many cases, no other donations are being made by a couple on a regular basis, so it seems only right. By the way, its not just the RC Church, but I have friends who were married in Protestant Churches who also had to make a 'donation' in order to have the date. That's the way things go today. I also believe that everyone needs to do what they feel is best for their own situation and no one else has the right to judge. Best of luck in planning to all of you!

Fr. Fehrenbacher

Not to cause any problems, but I was at a wedding recently that Fr. Fehrenbacher performed at. Although the wedding was beautiful, Fr. Fehrenbacher performance was not. 1. He forgot the Rose Ceremony poem that the bride and groom reviewed w/ him and sent him a copy of. The father of the bride had to run back to the house and get the poem (which delayed the ceremony) 2. He pulled his comb out and brushed his hair during one of the readings when he was standing on the side. 3. Had a coughing fit and had to drink a glass of water. 4. Had 2 glasses of wine before the ceremony even began. I spoke w/ my church and they said in order for the sacrament to be recognized it MUST be performed in the church. In repsonse to someone else`s post, you can get married at any church (even if you are not a parishiner). Yes, you so have to make a donation, but dollar amount is not specified. Normally, you have to have a priest from your parish 'co-host' the ceremony however, not all church requires that you have a priest from your parish present. Anything can go wrong at any wedding with any vendor, but to me the ceremony is very important and I want to make sure everything goes as planned. As mentioned, yes things do go wrong, but we all hope for the best. This message is not intended to hurt anyone`s feelings, just wanted to give my opinion. Good Luck to all!

Other stuff...

We seem to be focusing on Fr. Fehrenbacher. Are there any others like him? PS: I don't think the money issue is a problem when it comes to reserving the church. That makes perfect sense. I think the disturbing thing is when a suggested 'tip' is encouraged in addition that goes directly to the priest. This is not meant to upset or offend anyone - I was just truly surprised by that.

Fr. Fehrenbacher

All feelings aside, I know that you only wanted to state your opinion. But have some considerations for brides that are either non catholic or have already booked Fr. Fehrenbacher. I appreciate your information, but you made it seem that a ceremony outside of a church will not be as special and sacred. I think the any ceremony is a blessed union between two individuals who love each other and I too, want mine to be extremely special. With your negative attitude towards Fr. Fehrenbacher leaves me with doubts that he will have his coughing fit during my ceremony, and I feel stranded with options. My FH would not mind if we had an officiant perform at our ceremony other than a priest, but for our family sake, we wanted to atleast have a priest there, although we know that technically it is not recognized by the Church. Allie, I thank you for your advice and input. No hard feelings!

Fr. Fehrenbacher

The issue was not to offend those that decide to have a wedding outside of the church. Yes the ceremony is sacred, regardless of demonination or location. My main issue is to share my advise. I would suggest that brides go to a ceremony that Fr. Fehrenbacher performs before booking him. We do that with all our vendors, don`t we? Florists, bands, reception halls, etc... We shop around and then make a decision - see them or 'it' in action. Just a word of caution here. I do feel strongly that if a priest or officant is anyway associated w/ a church or otherwise that we should have the option of donating money to the 'house of worhip' instead of the individual performing the service. As Sonicstef mentioned- yes there are probably others like him, but he is the only one that I have seen 'perform.' I also agree with the comment 'I think the disturbing thing is when a suggested 'tip' is encouraged in addition that goes directly to the priest.' Again, just wanted to give my opinion and share my experience.

My Church Experience

I am not being married in a church this time around as neither my FH or I are regular church goers and do not feel comfortable being married in one when we do not attend. That is our choice. Will we be any less married? Will we have less committment to making the marriage work and last? Absolutely not. I was married before and at that time was married in the church I had attended since I was 4 years old. We were married by the minister that I had known for almost 20 years. The ceremony was a disaster. Why? Because this minister who had known both myself and my husband for many years could not get his name right. The name he was using was not even close to my ex's name. I was dumbfounded. We corrected him twice during the ceremony but he kept doing it. It was very upsetting to both of us and really took away from the ceremony. A church wedding is no guarantee that all will be perfect. As long as you do what feels right for you, that's what really matters.