friend drama: need advice

Ladies,

I need some advice on how to handle a conflict with a friend/coworker.

My friend (V) had asked me to go grab a bite to eat with her and another coworker (D) after school today. I said sure. As we were leaving the building however, i was standing and talking to another friend (F). V & F are on good terms but not best buds or anything.

Well, V and D come over to me and start to discuss where to eat while F is standing there being ignored. They never asked if she was doing anything for dinner or if she wanted to come....and seeing as how I was invited, I didnt feel it was my place to invite F.
So F walks away all sad and hurt. We decide where to go. I get in my car and F asks me why they dont like her. I apologized for not saying anything but I didnt feel like it was right not to invite her.

So I call V on her cell, shes on her way to the restaurant. I tell her 'Im not feeling good about what just happened. F is also my friend and I would like to know why she wasnt asked to come and if she can' V responded with 'well shes always tagging along and are you saying its my fault she wasnt invited'
Me: Im just saying I feel bad and I think Im gonna go eat with her so shes not alone
V: Well you gotta do what you gotta do
then she hung up on me


So after all of that, I need help deciding how to handle seeing her on Monday. I really dont want to apologize b/c being honest about how I felt (guilty and ashamed I didnt stick up for F) shouldnt need an apology right?

As I think more about it all night, V is very childish, mean spirited and snippy. Shes always complaining and makes snide comments to me like ' well look who decided to be pretty today' and 'arent you the good little teacher'


Should I even try to fix the conflict tonight or just leave it up to her ?

IMO, it is rude to discuss dinner plans in front of someone who is not invited. same goes for a party. if I were ivited to someone's home for a GTG, I wouldn't discuss it infront of someone who was left out of an invite, it's just not right.

you did nothing wrong, period. this friend 'V' needs to learn some manners.

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Posted by dleeny

IMO, it is rude to discuss dinner plans in front of someone who is not invited. same goes for a party. if I were ivited to someone's home for a GTG, I wouldn't discuss it infront of someone who was left out of an invite, it's just not right.

you did nothing wrong, period. this friend 'V' needs to learn some manners.

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Well said! It's very childish of her and I don't understand why it would be a problem for the other woman to go since they are friendly, just not very close. You did the right thing and in my opinion don't owe her an apology. Sorry this happened, I hate getting into stuff with friends.

Thank you for your honest opinions!
I appreciate the reaffirmation of what I did.

I was raised with manners and I just thought the invitation should have been extended.

So basically, come Monday, just act like nothing happened or should I wait for her to say something to me?

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Posted by wendy1220

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Posted by dleeny

IMO, it is rude to discuss dinner plans in front of someone who is not invited. same goes for a party. if I were ivited to someone's home for a GTG, I wouldn't discuss it infront of someone who was left out of an invite, it's just not right.

you did nothing wrong, period. this friend 'V' needs to learn some manners.

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Well said! It's very childish of her and I don't understand why it would be a problem for the other woman to go since they are friendly, just not very close. You did the right thing and in my opinion don't owe her an apology. Sorry this happened, I hate getting into stuff with friends.

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I agree.

I talked to DH about it, the more i talked, the more it seemed like maybe shes one of those toxic people who maybe I shouldnt hang out with

i still have to work with her though so i need to decide how to handle this without making work a living hell

eta- thanks for the reassurance. I had to run it by you all just in case I was seeing things the wrong way

Talk about luck.....Looks like I wont have to deal with this situation today.

We have a snow day!!!!
Alsa, tomorrow, I will see how this 'friend' reacts toward what I did on Friday

v is definitely childish
its one thing to not invite F
but to talk about it in her face?? that is way rude

you dont do that unless you are ready to invite F

what ended up happening- did u go to the dinner and leave f?

F needs to get over it too- i dont think id act hurt (even if i was)

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Posted by Preshy7

v is definitely childish
its one thing to not invite F
but to talk about it in her face?? that is way rude

you dont do that unless you are ready to invite F

what ended up happening- did u go to the dinner and leave f?

F needs to get over it too- i dont think id act hurt (even if i was)

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I was feeling guilty for not verbalizing or acting while we were all standing there so I called V and said I was going to eat with F. V seemed upset that I chose someone over her but it was basically to assuage my guilt.

F was hurt but only because she mentioned to me that she didnt know why they suddenly were treating her badly. She felt she did something wrong.

bottom line is to me- F is just a kind, gentle, honest friend. V is always in a nasty and mean spirited mood but I never noticed it until this weekend.

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Posted by nywebchic

life is too short to deal with insensitive and toxic people. they drag you down.

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I have been saying that to myself since this occured