Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

MaryK Posted: Nov 26, 2002 09:56 AM

Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

OK I got engaged last Christmas and we set our date in March. A good friend of mine got engaged last May. We went to all kinds of bridal expos together, I gave her magazines, spreadsheets, anything I had to help her. She had her e-party in Sept. and still hadn't set a date. Finally about two weeks ago, she called and left a message telling us her date. April 26, 2003. April 26, 2003??? I am really struggling and it's taken me awhile to post this because I just can't believe it's true! I spoke to her the following day and even spoke to her mother. I told them I was disapponted because I wanted her to be at my wedding and vice versa. But they told me there was a cancellation and they got a good deal. (Her mom even said I could come after mine, since mine is a day wedding and hers is at night! My cousin said I should show up IN MY WEDDING DRESS!)

FI is really upset/shocked. I am numb. I mean there really is no effect on my guestlist except for her family. So I've been telling myself it's not a big deal, I can just invite 6 more people from work.

So how do I handle this? I live across the street from her and see her family all the time. I am trying to take the high road here but I can't seem to find it-my emotions are getting in the way! Do I send her an invite? Any advice? As always, thanks for letting me vent!

jennyg Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:06 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

Wow - thats unbelievable! (and makes my vent from yesterday seem ridiculous). You have already spoken with her so she knows how you feel. Of course you are not going to her wedding and vice versa....unfortunately, it's probably just a wake-up call that she's not as good a friend as you thought. I would not send an invitation.

OctBride03 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:10 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

OH MY!!!!!!!! I am sooo sorry you have to deal with this now. I cannot believe someone would do this. I mean I don't know her situation, but you have EVERY right to feel the way you do. I know I would. I'm not sure what to tell you about the invite. Knowing me, I wouldnt' send one. But that's just me. I guess a 'nice' thing would be to send her one, but she probably won't be able to go. I WOULD NOT attend her wedding.

Again, I am so sorry for you.

Just keep your head up, things will work out! Maybe this is some kind of sign...

NovemberSue Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:22 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

I think that is so rude. We had friends that were engaged before us and had their wedding date picked out already. We made sure that our date was after theirs. For her to pick your date is so rude. I'm sure the hall had many other dates available. I would definately not attend!She is trying to take away from your day!

ssdare Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:25 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

So sorry to hear about this. I would probably invite other friends who will really be there for you to celebrate YOUR day. I'm glad to hear this won't disrupt your guest list, with the exception of her family. At this point, you should do whatever will make you feel better without consideration of her feelings. You've obviously given her more consideration than she's given you.

Try to put this past you as soon as you can so you can focus on planning YOUR Day.

Misty Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:36 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

That is just unbelieveable. I actually passed on an available date to accomodate a close friend that I wanted at my wedding. I know this isn't common place, but when you are that close, and do so much together, and if it means that much to you to have this person there, it's just common sense!

The only thing you can do is cut your losses with her, voice your opinion and wish her well. It's your day too, (well FIRST) and I think the idea that you should go to her wedding AFTER yours is just insane. Would she come to yours BEFORE hers? I doubt it!

Ugh!

Crisco718 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:36 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

I am speechless!!! That is ridiculous. Why do people do these things?

wacky Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:40 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

Dont be upset. Just enjoy your wedding day. Forget about attending her wedding that was an ass--- comment on their part. Wish her well and enjoy yur big day

Niecey Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:40 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

That is terrible. I am so sorry for you. Not to be mean, but I think someone is jealous and trying to take away from you day. A real friend would not have done that. Ok..a day before (and that's still bad) but not the same day!!!!!!! I am sorry for you.

I would remove her and her family from my guest list for everything. I think the same day is way too much!

susans Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:40 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

Now on the other sort of same post, my vote was to give the friend the benefit of the doubt for choosing an earlier date...but the SAME DAY??

THAT'S WRONG.

dkga1026 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:44 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

that is soooooo f@#%&d up!!!! i CANNOT believe the nerve of some people!!!

you should continue to say hi and bye to her and her family, jt to show how mature you are...but i wouldn't send her an invite....dont let this ruin your excitement!!

Sassy Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:46 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

I am speechless !!!!! The nerve of her
So sorry you have to deal with her
But put it out of your mind and concentrate on your REAL friends.
I still cant believe that

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 26, 2002 10:55 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

There are no words

Move on with your wedding plans.

She is not a real friend and be glad you found out now.

The nerve!!!!!

Valenia Posted: Nov 26, 2002 11:00 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

What an creep. I doubt that she is trying to take away from your day. My best guess is she is oblivious and totally self absorbed. I do think that she has decided that your presence is not important to her, and that it doesn't matter much to her that she will not be at yours. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

Did you ask her mother if she would be at your wedding after all, they are at different times! LOL.

***BIG HUGS***

mv1003 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 11:06 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

I'm in shock after reading that! My God, the nerve of some people! Well, those are her true colors and yes, best you found out now, than later on.
Exactly, what are you suppose to do? Spend your wedding night at her wedding in your wedding dress????? The mother clearly wasn't thinking striaght-

I would say invite her to show your the bigger person. Of course you know already that she's not going to attend. At this point, you shouldn't want her to attend, she's not any type of friend. (Sorry)

ChristineC68 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 11:32 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

I am so stunned I don't even know what to say I cannot believe she did that!

christine1221 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 11:44 AM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

OMG! Mary! I can't even believe this & here I am going on ... How terrible ... very dissapointing for you. I think I'd feel a bit betrayed ... is she trying to compete? I know someone like this ... its definitely not right.

You definitely do not deserve this! Hugs galore to the tenth power!!!

Jen2704 Posted: Nov 26, 2002 12:01 PM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

That's horrendous!!!!!!! Don't even worry....she is not worth it...that is rude and disrespectful!!!!!!!!!!

Fletch Posted: Nov 26, 2002 12:11 PM

Re: Friend vent - I am struggling with this (long again!)

I am in total shock that someone would actually do this. I have heard of the day before and day after and I think that is wrong but the same day - its absolutely unbelievable. I would not even waste the stamp in sending her an invitation. She made this decision knowing it was your wedding day and doesn't seem to feel bad so why include her by sending an invitation. This has to be one for the record books.
Just go on with your planning and don't let this spoil what will be the perfict day.